Happy New Year!

L’Shana Tova! Happy New Year, to the uninitiated.

Well, I got through Yom Kippur and the fast with only a monumental headache. MJ, who usually breaks down and eats something eventually, got through the whole day without even the headache (is there a male equivalent to “beeyotch!”?).

My mother continues to put forth the “new her”. The one that doesn’t generally pick fights with me anymore. I’m almost suspicious. She does, however, continue to repeat the same damn stories for the 517th time, and repeatedly pound home what a wonderful person she is (as compared to (pick one): her sisters, her cousin, her acquaintances at the JCC). Before you judge me, you should know that this is not a function of age and loneliness. At 87, the woman still drives, plays poker 2 nights a week, plays the slots every Sunday afternoon at the new casino up the street, and goes to the JCC nearly every weekday morning. It is a function of her – albeit low level – narcissism. G-d bless him, though, MJ does try to build me up to her (“Hey Mom – RJ sold 3 big honey cakes at her office for charity. Isn’t that great?”). Mother, however, as always, no matter what you say to her, manages to turn it all back to her (“What do you put in your honey cake? This is what I do, and everyone says it’s wonderful – the best they ever ate.”)

This is, however, preferable to the “old” mother, who bitched and wheedled, and pushed whatever button was in reach at any given moment. Far preferable to the mother who screamed at me when I was a child: “Is this why I survived the Holocaust and the concentration camps? So (pick one) a) I could have an ungrateful daughter like you? b) I could have a child who treats me like this? c) You could make D’s in arithmetic?” The shrill has given way to the more subtle: “I ask G-d only one thing – that while I am alive, He should give me my common sense that I shouldn’t be a bother to you or your brother.” I tell people the first time they try it, that I am immune to guilt — I was innoculated by the best. No lie.