No. 10: Black & White
I’m gonna gush here, and say that last Wednesday’s PR was absolutely the best episode EVAH!!! It had everything: Drama! Suspense! Drama! Tears! Drama! Laughter! Drama! and, oh yeah, Fashion! Did I say Drama?
Man, oh Man! My crystal ball went partly cloudy on this one!
I have to admit, that when Heidi mentioned “benefits to winning” a challenge on the Jet Setter episode, I (and apparently, only I) thought she was referring to just that challenge, like maybe the winner of that challenge would automatically go to the Final 3. Like I said, only in my head. Which is why I was devastated when JeffreyThePinheadedShmoo won (I still think you could hurt yourself in those pants), because I thought his inclusion was automatic. I still do, but for other reasons. Later.
Turns out, Heidi meant winning any of the challenges. So if you previously won a challenge and was subsequently auf’ed, you got to come back for one more chance. Oooooh! So who are the special guests? Why Vincent and Angela of course! (Keith “I’m Special The Rules Don’t Apply To Me” might have made it, too, if he hadn’t screwed himself and cheated. Hah! The Karmic Justice League at work!)
So, we already know that Kayne went deaf or went auf to another planet in his head when Tim said very clearly, “You must use both black AND white” for the “Black and White” cocktail dress challenge, and was aufed for real for making an all-black (though lovely in its own way) dress held together by a spiderweb and one of the shoelaces from his tennies.
Laura finally won a challenge while simultaneously having a hormone-induced nervous breakdown, with a cute little black lace over white babydoll mini with sprinkles.
So, I got out the Windex and polished up the old crystal ball, Oh, Magic Crystal Ball, we’ve all seen the 4 collections, and maybe we’ll talk about those later when there’s time, but what does it all mean? Who are the real Final 3?
Okay, we see JeffreyThePinheadedShmoo, Laura, Michael, and Uli sitting at the foot of the Runway and gazing up at Heidi (who I saw in a Victoria’s Secret commercial last night and almost didn’t recognize her with the L’Oreal Signature Overdone Smoky Eye thing going on – they don’t let her speak in those things for a reason, don’t they?).
Heidi’s mouth opens to speak and out comes: “This year, we decided that there spklfrsturgrbrgn final 3.” WHAT??!!!?? What was that??!!!?? Huh??!!!?? (Whack! Whack! Thump!) goddamgoodfornothing WalMart crystal ball! What did she say???? Okay, I get really pissed when they fuck with the sound, people.
So, here’s my prediction (if there is indeed a final 3): Jeffrey is 1. It’s a given. It was always really a competition between Jeffrey and Keith to see who would be the reigning asshole and flashpoint. Once Keith was booted, Jeffrey was guaranteed a spot in the finals. We can’t go to finale without our flashpoint, can we?
Uli is in, and so is Adorable Michael. Laura is our red herring (nearly all of her collection looks the same – so the black lace over white and feather thing’s a winner,eh? so let’s do it over and over and over and over and over again! – and there is no swimsuit).
Who will win? Well, if God didn’t get drunk that day, it will be Michael.
Ciao, kids!
Oh, yeah…. In honor of International Speak Like a Pirate Day: Shiver me timbers! Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
