To ANTM or Not To ANTM

That is the question.

If you’ve been judging me by my posts since – I guess, October of last year – you probably think that when I’m not gathering dust bunnies to be woven into Navajo blankets (Miz Shoes – would there be a market for that?), I must be sitting around thinking deep thoughts about politics and the economy, and cats. And I do. (Oh, puhleeeze!)

But I have a confession. I love Project Runway. I had a great time recapping Project Runway last season. I miss Project Runway. I wish the courts would shit or get off the pot and settle the damn lawsuit(s) so we can get on with our lives. I mean, they’ve already got the entire season in the can – including the Fashion Week Finals – so that’s going to take a little edge off watching the show to start with. It’s kind of tough to root for your favorites and boo the villain(s) when you know in the back of your mind that the outcome was decided weeks – even months – ago.

And despite myself, I love America’s Next Top Model (ANTM). I can’t help it. It’s like watching a train wreck and the Miss U.S.A. pageant on split screen, and then the split dissolves. I am considering blogging America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 12 (12!). I haven’t started yet for several reasons.

First, I can’t keep up with 2 dozen gerbils running hither thither and yon and shrieking for no reason for the better part of 2 hours. It’s considerably easier when they’re down to 12. Also, I have much to live up to – there’s the incomparable Potes at Television Without Pity (see the link in my blogroll for TWOP: ANTM); and of course, my most excellent friend, Miz Shoes at Girlyshoes (link also over there in the blogroll). Oh, and by the way – Allison doesn’t look like a lemur. She looks like a Tim Burton heroine. Or heroin. Your choice.

Second – and I know this is going to sound weird – but, well, it’s MJ. It suddenly dawned on him that I’m blogging, somewhere near the end of last season’s PR. Since then, if he’s in a pissy mood, and if I’m not doing something that he thinks I should be doing, he rags on my blogging (“Oh, you’re too busy BLOGGING, are you?” “Actually, I haven’t written a word in two weeks. I’m playing Luxor.”).

On the flip-side of that, since he became aware that I blog (small b) Project Runway, and that I might blog ANTM, he has become the “other bitch on the couch.” In seasons-past, MJ has watched these shows with me occasionally – just enough to keep up – and made enviably snide observations. Which I dutifully quoted, unbeknownst to him. I noticed during last week’s ANTM (during which I did take a couple of notes), that he was making a point of really watching the show. And deliberately commenting FOR MY BENEFIT (re: Monique the Conspiracy Theorist: “Ah! Monique the Conspiraposer!” “Honey, how are you spelling that?” “What do you mean?” “Well, there’s conspiraPOSER and there’s conspiraPOSEUR.”)

And then, at the second commercial break, “Is it time yet to play our favorite game?” “Which game is that, Honey?” “Can You Spot The Lesbian!”

And I can’t yet. Can you? I’m sure there must be one…. even if SHE doesn’t know it yet….

So you see, there’s the far more experienced competition, and then there’s the guy I married, whose one-liners are better than mine. I’m so intimidated.