Project Runway: Stream of Consciousness Recap – Ep. 8

First, my apologies for being late with this. I hope you’ll understand that I just had to catch the 2-hour premier of America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 11. Miz Shoes and her Surrogate Daughter No. 3 came over to watch with me. And even with all the estrogen flying, my loyal MJ was right there to snark right along. All I can say is: Thank G-d for DVR! Life is good.

Open on the remaining kids just stirring in their rooms. Joe opens the curtains to let in the light. Yeesh! Close ‘em up again, will ya? I don’t need to see this.

In the girls’ room, someone off-camera (white girl voice – Kenley? Leanne?) asks “What do you think the next challenge will be?” “Nothing with innovation and with real fabric,” Korto snipes.

Stella is attempting to make coffee. “One tablespoon? Or two?” How old is this woman, and she’s never learned how to make coffee? Whatever did she do before Ratbones came along? She takes a large-bowled cooking spoon and puts a heaping spoonful into the filter basket. That should keep everyone going for a couple of days. She interviews that “The last challenge, I almost shit my pants. I really want to make it to Bryant Park.” Terri takes a sip of coffee on her way out the door and says, “Stella – that coffee you made is really, um, thick.” I’ll bet.

Meanwhile, back in the boys’ room, Oompa-Loompa-Licious is holding his arm up to the window and says that he thinks he’s getting a little bit of a tan that way. Pathetic. He just lost the right to be called his real name. Forever.

Suede is mad that Keith got auf-ed last week, because they made him move into the other boys’ apartment. So now he’s got three new roommates and it’s like starting all over again. But he’s proud to be one of the last four “guys” standing. I say it beats the alternative. Suede rousts the boys – “Are you guys ready to go to Parson’s and get down with Miss Heidi?” I’m not touching that.

At the runway, Heidi (wearing Christian Siriano? Black ruffled leather jacket over sparkly black top and skinny black pants?) brings out the winner’s and loser’s models. Leanne keeps Caroline, and Alyssa is out (listen, it’s bad enough I can’t get the spelling straight on the freaking designers, much less the freaking models. If I happen to catch it on screen, fine. Otherwise, I’m just not making the effort. Sue me. If you can find me.)

Tim appears from behind the scrim. The designers are taken aback at seeing Tim outside his element. But no, he is there to tell them that, this week they are designing for a fashion legend. They speculate that maybe they’re designing for an “older celebrity”. I’m personally curious as to who falls into that category in their fevered little brains. Leanne is just relieved that they’re not designing for Tim Gunn. Like that’s going to happen. Anyway, he’s taking them on a field trip to meet this “fashion legend.”

The group is walking down a street and Oompa says that he thinks Mary-Kate lives down this way. Terri says that “She does and she said to tell you that she wants to see you today.” Okay, she may be a bitch, but she’s got timing. Ba DUM pa! Mary-Kate Olsen is Oompa’s idea of a fashion legend. Oompa is in love with Mary-Kate and wants to marry her. Doesn’t everyone? Um, no. Bag ‘o Bones-on-a-stick. Just the bags and dark circles under her eyes make me want to turn away in despair that she can’t seem to manage to raise a fork to her lips. Martini glass, maybe.

Stella interviews that she lives around here and that this is the “meat packing district.” She says that there are quite a few serious, major league designers here.

They arrive at their destination, still clueless as to where they are. Tim tells them that they are now in the offices of a fashion legend, and Diane Von Furstenberg totters down the stairs. Jesus! That’s a lot of stairs! I’m waiting for the face-plant. Damn. DVF greets and shakes hands with each of them. Eww. She’s got her eyeglasses stuck in her bosom. V-neckline, cleavage, Diane Von Furstenberg’s glasses are like, tucked in her bra. Nice. Them’s gonna be a bitch to clean later. Everyone interviews how much they love DVF. Kenley is on the verge of tears.

DVF asks them to create a look for her fall collection which is inspired by the movie A Foreign Affair and Marlene Dietrich’s character, a singer/spy, who starts in Berlin, escapes to Shanghai and winds up in New York. They will be using DVF’s own sample room and her fabrics. Now that’s cool. The winning look will be produced and sold exclusively to American Express members, and part of the proceeds will go to the CFDA (Council of Fashion Designers of America) Foundation (of which she’s president). DVF is a guest judge.

The designers have 15 minutes to rummage through DVF’s sample room and grab fabric. Jerell was in heaven. Kenley runs for the prints. And is still crying.

Stella asks Tim for help. The only fabrics she’s interested in are all on the top shelf on the bottom row under like 10,000 pounds of other fabrics. Tim tells her to get someone to help her or move on and choose something else. Tim is so over Stella. Kenley runs over and helps by pulling bolts of fabric onto the floor until they reach Stella’s target layer. Suede says it’s a good thing that DVF is not there to witness this – he believes that DVF considers her fabrics to be precious. I got news for you, Sweet Cheeks, I’m betting that anything DVF considers to be precious is in a locked room somewhere, far away from y’all’s grubby little paws.

Terri wants to be “different”. She’s picking out black mohair for a jacket, some sort of very colorful “fireworks” print silk, and something to make some “sickening pants.” Her words, not mine. I think I speak for all of us when I say, yeah, we’re all getting pretty damn sick of your pants.

Workroom:

Leanne interviews that it’s a relief to have immunity, but she wants to push the boundaries. This is a big deal.

Everyone has a “lookbook” of DVF’s collection to study for their own designs. They have until midnight.

The look book shows mostly layers and multiple pieces, but Kenley wants to get a nice dress together inspired by Shanghai. And is still crying. Everyone else seems to be doing several pieces.

Suede said he is focusing on masculine materials, the Berlin look, a kind of a camouflage thing. Just when we thought he had dropped the affectation forever, we get this: “Suede is just focused on what Suede is here to do, working on his look and hoping that Diane adores it.” and forming a heart with his fingers. While it took MJ to hold me down to keep me from leaping at the TV to wrap my fingers around Suede’s neck, we are delighted to note, however, that it appears that no one in his family has died in the last week.

Oompa wants to win “so bad.” He’s wearing a headband and pastel wife beater. I’m sorry, it’s kind of hard to take him seriously in that get-up. I’m waiting for a pair of leg warmers and a production number from Flashdance to break out. He continues that he’s a risk taker and doesn’t want to make just the same pair of pants like somebody else does (glancing meaningfully in Terri’s direction and smirks). Why, Oompa! You’ve got some snark in you, after all!

Joe says Terri is a one trick pony with the same blazer and pant, and that she keeps pulling out the same look.

Stella, Leanne and Terri are having a snack. Terri asked Leanne what she’s making. Leanne then asks Stella if she knows what she’s making. Stella snippily replies that she’s got an idea and left it that. Stella interviews that she didn’t want to tell Leanne what she’s doing. It’s none of her business. And she doesn’t trust Terri. “I don’t ask details.”

In the workroom, Terri is apparently asking everyone what they’re doing. Korto is pissed off and says: “I’m making the baddest vest. You want to make one, then make one. We’ll see who turns out on top on the runway.” Zing! Leanne finds it interesting how competitive everyone is acting. Duh. You were expecting a chorus of Kumbaya, perhaps?

Six hours till end of day:

Jerrell is working on a jacket, turtleneck top, gloves, and an a-line skirt.

Korto is really pushing. She wants to make a beautiful flowing evening dress that’s wearable for anyone of any size.

Stella is making a cape, vest, and pants. Wants DVF to see what her aesthetic is and how it could blend with her collection. Wants to really stand out.

Joe is making an oriental inspired backless top. Wraps around the back with black frogs down the front. At this stage, this is pretty cool.

Leanne is making a cropped trench coat with a long silk gown. Leanne has never been out of the country and has never had a “foreign affair.” She says that she’d love to be a spy – “Secret Agent Leanimal” and track people down like animals. She is darting around the workroom, hiding behind pillars, etc., demonstrating her technique. The FBI called, Leanne, they’re expecting you at Quantico next Monday. Please.

“Suede would love to be a spy but he’s afraid that his blue hair would give it away.” I’m telling you, MJ – get off of me! Let me at him!

Kenley observes that everyone else is making multiple pieces, but she just wants to make her one Oriental-inspired dress. She says that she’s obsessed with this print she picked up and she would rather make one well-crafted piece than send several half-assed pieces down the runway. She believes that she’ll stand out the most with her one dress rather than with a number of layers. And the tears just keep on comin’.

Tim stops by.

Suede says that he was inspired by Berlin, and is going for a camouflage-y feeling. “Suede’s going to Bryant Park”. Not if I break his fingers, first.

Leanne: dress has a great shape, but the jacket looks sloppy. Tim suggests that maybe it should be shrunken.

Joe: is making a hooded shawl for over the outfit, with pockets in shawl. Watch your time. Seriously. At this point, I’m liking this more and more.

Korto: a three-layer look. There’s a dress made of that black and white fabric you see in DVF’s American Express commercial, with a strip of yellow on the outside edge of the shoulder straps. Tim loves the volume on the top with the jacket, but says the yellow looks like a bra strap. Korto loves her yellow and is going to make sort of a visible underskirt/insert out of it for under the skirt.

**Highlight of the night!!!*** Stella: Tim cautions her about the cohesiveness of her pieces and to remember what the judges said last week about her vest not going with the seatbelt skirt she made. Stella replies that “the last judges were clueless and not open-minded.” “That stylist with the oversized muumuu and the waistband didn’t know any better.” Tim is shocked and actually looks into the camera and says: “Sorry Rachel Zoe – we only mean it in the nicest way.” Stella retorts: “No I don’t. I really mean it.” “Okay, Stella – time!” tapping at his wrist as he rushes away before Stella can insult any other famous celebrity judges, past, present, and future.

Tim is concerned that Kenley is making only the one dress, but admits that it has a beautiful silhouette after she whines, “But you like it, right?”

We do not see Tim visiting Oompa-Loompa-Licious. Hmm. Either it didn’t make the cut, or he’s learning how to avoid the little orange straw-haired troll.

Kenley – who is still freaking crying, for god’s sake (aren’t you dehydrated, yet?) – and Stella are taking a break and talking about how big this challenge is. “It’s bigger than big – it’s HUGE, says Stella.

Joe doesn’t think there’s enough time. Everyone wants to do their best.

Stella is having problems with the vest, because of the two-sided fabric – one side is heavier than the other. “Everything else is perfect and [she’s] not listening to anyone.” Really bad move, Stella.

Runway Day

The designers are working away like little beavers, and Tim comes in to announce that they have one hour for hair and makeup. “I believe you have the ability to blow Diane Von Furstenberg’s stilettos right off those staggering legs of hers.” The ultimate test. We’ll be sure to keep our eyes glued to DVF’s feet during the runway show.

Kenley is wearing a dress very similar to the one she just designed, but with violet/purple feather cap sleeves. MJ says they look like officer’s epaulets in the bird corps. Together, we are reminded of Oksana Bayul or Bjork.

Oompa says Suede’s in trouble. I believe the direct quote was: “Yuck.” Says it all, doesn’t it?

Tim announces 10 minutes.

Joe says his top is a little tight but that it fits perfectly. He says that his is a “very polished look. So much so, that it might get lost amongst the crap that’s going down the runway.” Hubris, Joe?

Leanne thinks Joe is overconfident. She’s surprised that Joe is even still there.

Kenley is worried for Stella. The vest is too bulky and makes the model look big.

Runway:

Look – I’ll be honest. I couldn’t keep up with the runway show, so here are the pictures, courtesy of Bravo (whether they know it or not).

Except for this:
WTF? Did Oompa make jodhpurs? They’re ridiculous! Well-made, but absurd! “ I am so in awe of my garment. I think Diane is going to love it. I saw her give me the googly eye when we met. She loves a tan, so it’s in the bag.” The googly eye?!? This week, I believe Oompa got into the Kool Aid.

Terri , Jerell, and Oompa are all safe.

Stella, Korto, Suede, Joe, Kenley, and Leanne represent the best and the worst.

Korto: Thought of freedom, she’s out of the spy game and can relax and be carefree. The judges say that the print captivating, and they love the jacket.

Joe: Inspired by Shanghai. The judges don’t like the open back. The whole back of the outfit is uneven and odd. The front is pretty terrific, though. MK observes that the woman wearing that outfit would qualify for the “What Was She Thinking?” column… from the back. DVF: “So just don’t show your back.” Everyone gets a good laugh out of imagining wearing the outfit and just walking backward. To which I say, Joe! What the hell did you do to that top?!? WTF is with the bright pink belt? sash? thing around the bottom of the top?!? It doesn’t meet evenly in the back, the hem of the skirt is uneven at the most attention-getting point – the walking slit. Damn!

Kenley: This is something she would normally do. And she thinks she nailed it. “Didn’t I?” Heidi says that it was easy to get away with a dress – one piece, no layers. Kenley interrupts Heidi to defend herself, saying that no, the fabric was very difficult to work with, stops, apologizes to Heidi for running over the top of her, and then keeps talking! Helluvan apology there, Kenley. She continues that she thinks the collection needs the One Dress. The Judges, having been handed little cups of Kool Aid to wet their whistles, suddenly fall all over themselves with praise for The Dress. It’s simple but chic. It’s wearable and saleable.

Stella: Fern Mallis liked mixing the masculine tweed with the shiny, feminine. But the tailoring isn’t there. The pants were very poorly fitted, especially at the crotch, described as a “woman’s worst nightmare”. They sorta kinda liked the idea of the cape, but it’s not a 40’s cape. More like a magician’s cape or Dracula. And there’s nothing edgy about it.

Leanne: Said she was going for something more relaxed. The judges (this time justifiably) heap praise on this look. They love the masculine-type shrunken cropped jacket (see what happens when you listen to Tim!), and the beautiful gown underneath. The ruffles running vertically down from scooped back are a nice surprise. They tell Leanne that “there’s a lot of good design” in that look. Kenley gives Leanne the stink-eye.

Suede: Said he was going for “modern camouflage.” There is too much fabric in the skirt, and it’s very unflattering. The slit in back is too much and completely unnecessary. The herringbone vest did not go with the rest of the look. MK said she looked like she got dressed in the dark.

Judges:

Kenley: Simple, pretty, well-designed. One other piece with it would have made it a homerun.

Leeane: Met challenge – Very Ingrid Bergman. “A lot of good design.”

Korto: Great fabric. Great neckline. Great .

Suede: Dress not very interesting. The skirt was bad. That vest didn’t go with any of it.

Joe: Too much. Not thinking three-dimensionally. From the back, it looked homemade, messy.

Stella: Idea was good, execution sucked. MK: “More Transylvania than Shanghai.” Fern: “Stella was not stellar.”

Judging:

Korto is in.

Leeane wins second week in a row! Her look will be sold exclusively to American Express members.

Kenley is in. Suede is in.

Leaving Joe and Stella at the bottom.

Joe: Too much going on and the back was a disaster.

Stella: “Gave us three pieces and did none of them well.” The whole thing was a major misstep. Stella is auf!

MJ cheered that the token straight guy is still in!

Stella to Heidi as they do the requisite double cheek kiss: “No problem. My ego is way too big to be here, anyway. I’ve learned and I’ve grown.”

Stella interviews that she “went with Stella 100%. It was with a “classy edge and cool twist.”

Tim: “How are we doing?” Stella: “Fabulous.” “Well, then I’m happy to tell you to go up and clean up your space.” Stella: (to Tim) “I love you and I adore you.” “Well, that was an ebullient departure!”

Stella interviews: “I’m a rock star. If you like my stuff, come buy it, if you don’t, keep walking.” Okay then.

Catch Miz Shoes’ recap here, later on today!