Sorry this is so late. I know, I know. I’m saying that a lot lately. I got sucked into watching Top Design when I saw that Sweet Pea, Andre, Daniel Franco, Santino, and Jeffrey-The-Pinheaded-Shmoo were going to be guesting. Not a single one of them has changed a bit. Except Shmoo is a little thinner and a lot skankier looking. And Daniel seems to be a tad more, um, ethereal(?) than usual…
Ahem!
We open on the designers getting ready for a brand new day. Making beds, putting on makeup, sharpening claws…
Joe is talking to Suede and says that he can’t believe that two are gone. Suede murmurs very quietly: “I know.”
We see the chalkboard where Oompa Loompa Licious has written a farewell message: “Team, I will miss you & love youlicous!” (god! He can’t spell either!)
Suede interviews that he came very close to going home, last time out and that he has to prove himself in this next one.
Kenley is putting on her Betty Boop mask and asks Leanne what she thinks the next challenge will be. “We’re going to make evening gowns for infants.” Logical progression, I think. (Have you seen those hysterical little high heel booties they’re making for infants, now? Start ‘em while they’re young, I always say. Okay, I don’t always say that, but I should start. Now, who’s pregnant? I have to buy these. )
Kenley can’t understand why she was in the bottom, last time. Because the damn thing was a freaking nightmare, bitch! “So, I’m sticking with my strategy of being true to myself as a designer, and not really worrying about what the judges think.” Kenley seems to be a little unclear on the concept of this show. Let me ‘splain it to you, Lucy. See, the judges are the ones who decide if you stay or go, win or lose. Get it?
They all troop off to Parson’s, where Heidi tells them that she has some “special ladies to introduce.” Out marches a procession of, shall we say mature women.
Korto says that when they saw the first person come out from behind the scrim, she thought that it was the “Moms” challenge. “I remember what happened last time, and I don’t want to have to step on nobody because they’re talking about my mama.”
Jerell: “Clearly these are mothers, but I don’t see Korto’s or mine, so I’m wondering what this is all about.” What are you implying, Jerell? That there are no mamas of color on the runway?
Heidi continues that these ladies are an important part of the next challenge, but they will not be designing for them.
Leanne, breathing a way too exaggerated sigh of relief for my taste, interviews that they are relieved, because “none of us wants to design an old lady outfit, to be honest.” Nice, Leanne. Just remember who carries the checkbook, hmmmm?
Next, a procession of young girls walk onto the runway. We think they are from the Our Lady of Perpetual Fashion Tragedy’s “special” class. But no, Heidi tells us that they are recent college graduates about to make their way into the cold, cruel world. Kicked to the curb by these, their loving mothers for head-to-toe makeovers. Holy Crap! Really? They look like my nieces – all over 20, but still look and act like 12 year olds.
Daughters & Mothers:
Anna & Nancy (who sounds like either a drag queen or smoked three packs a day for longer than she’s been alive.)
Megan & Amy
Laura & Janet
Holly & Ellie
Avital & Yaffa
Caitlin & Ellen
By way of button bag, Heidi pairs up the designers and the victims:
Kenley gets Anna (“She has a really cool style, so I’m happy”); Korto gets Megan; Joe gets Laura; Leanne gets Holly; Suede gets Avital; and Jerell gets Caitlin.
In the workroom:
Tim informs the designers that for this Tresemmé challenge, they are engineering the makeovers of the poor young innocents about to appear before them. Accompanied by the mothers – who will no doubt have opinions. Heh. Have you ever known a mother without an opinion about the appearance of their child? Could this be trouble? Lord, I hope so!
They will have 20 minutes to meet, greet and figure out what they’re going to do, then they’ll go shopping with $100. Cheap bastards. Just remember – you get what you pay for.
The mothers and daughters enter the workroom and go to their respective designer’s work spaces. Anna tells Kenley that she told her mom, “Oh good! I got the cute girl”. Way to suck up, kid – you’ll go far! Might even get an outfit that won’t make you look like something you wouldn’t want to move in next door! (Poll leader, so far). Kenley: “I like Anna – she’s sweet. She reminds me of me.” (And it’s working!) Anna’s landed a position as an assistant buyer for women’s accessories. She likes vintage, she likes everything Kenley likes. It’s Kismet!
Megan is telling Korto that she’s in between med school and graduate school and that she likes dresses. Korto says that she’s a hip mom, and knows how to design for a 21 year old. Since Megan is currently working in the school’s lab, she’s going to make her a wrap-dress that will work with a lab coat over it. Seriously. What really works with a lab coat?
Caitlin tells Jerell that she went to school for print-making (They have degrees in that? How did I miss this stuff when I was in school?), which qualfies her for teaching (eye-roll) or artists’ reproductions. She’d like to work for a photographer. Aim high, Caitlin!
Holly is “looking to be an elementary school teacher.” Nice grammar. She tells Leanne that she needs parents to see her as an authority in the classroom and not mistake her for one of the kids. Seriously, she looks like she’s in 8th grade. If you squint. Holly says that the outfit needs to be comfortable, that she can move around in; she likes both dresses and pants. Holly’s mother, Ellie, starts lobbying heavily for a dress, presumably because you don’t have to worry about matching separates. Yeah, but on a school teacher’s salary, don’t you want a lot of pieces you can mix and match to stretch that wardrobe budget? JMHO. Ellie asks Leanne if she does anything with animal prints and Leanne says that no, she doesn’t. Holly says that her mother would buy anything with animal prints on it. Uh oh.
We move on to Suede and Avital. Avital is a photographer and wants something that looks professional but comfortable enough to schlep around her equipment. “She seems very interested in pants, which is not Suede’s thing, but she’s my client and I need to make her happy, so I’m going to have to probably go down that pant road.” Yaffa: “And very feminine.” Avital: “Not too feminine.”
Laura has not yet found a job, but studied to be a grapic designer. And what does Joe believe that a 23 year old graphic designer should interview in? Why a 1980’s blue pinstripe suit, of course! I’m sorry, Joe. I’m afraid this will be your end, dear. MJ is very very sad.
At Mood:
Korto picks up a burlap-y kind of beige fabric and some leather. “Leatha. With Stella gone, I am now the Queen of Leatha.”
Suede searches for, and god help us, finds “a Pucci-esque print in purple.” I am speechless.
Joe has decided that Laura needs a skirt suit and heads to the menswear fabrics to pick out a classic navy pinstripe. Um, I’m not entirely sure that’s what she meant by “professional, but sexy.”
Ready for your episode shocker? Are you sitting down? Kenley is heading for the prints! OMG!
Here’s something I never noticed before. Mood has a mascot dog named Swatch! I just thought I’d throw that in there. It could come in handy sometime.
Back at Parsons:
They have until midnight, then all day tomorrow.
Leanne interviews that her first job was for a small clothing designer and that’s when she decided that she wanted to design for herself.
Joe interviews that he got the the bug at his first job in Gucci’s stock room (actually, at first, I thought he said “sock room”. I tried to imagine a room full of designer socks…)
Jerell interviews that his first job was at McDonalds – all the Big ‘n Tastys he could eat, and got bad skin from standing over the fryer.
Tim comes in and announces that their clients are here with their mothers!
Joe is making a suit for Laura. So, surprise! surprise! Laura and her mother hate the pinstripe fabric of Joe’s suit and think it’s boring. Where’s the sexy part? Oh, it’s all in the fit and tailoring. Oh.
Suede seriously doesn’t want to make pants, so he’s making his jacket. He thinks his jacket is going to be hot. I don’t know. It has ruffled sleeves made from the same fabric. A little flouncy for schlepping photography equipment around, no? Avital is skeptical. She doesn’t think it’s edgy enough. Mom thinks it’s boring. Maybe take some of that loud purple fabric to trim the sleeves? Suede is afraid that it might make it look cheap. This is suddenly a problem for you?
Kenley is making another “vintage” dress. Yawn. But Kenley and Anna are going on and on about how wonderful Kenley is.
Jerell: “Kenley can make one hell of a ’50s/’60s dress, but that’s all she serves up.”
Holly is a little iffy about Leanne’s design. Ellie is less reticent and starts bitching that the top is unflattering and will make little Holly look flatchested. Leanne is completely deflated and remarks that she has suffered a total set-back, timewise.
And just as suddenly, they’re gone.
Suede hasn’t yet cut his “Pucci-esque” fabric, and has decided that he is not going to make pants. Pants are just not part of Suede’s aesthetic. Please, PLEASE let me strangle him! Suede is going to make a dress. He’ll just have to sell it to the client, that’s all. This is really bad.
Kenley and Jerell start ragging on Joe about the suit he’s making. He tells them that can liven it up with a pocket square, which sets them off afresh.
Midnight has come and it’s time to go “home”. Jerell: “Come on, Joe! You can work on Nancy Reagan tomorrow!”
Next morning:
Tim comes into the workroom to tell the designers that their clients are here for fittings – without their mothers. Another collective sigh of relief reverberates through the land.
Suede somehow manages to convince Avital that this decidedly impractical dress is exactly what she needs. It will go from day to night. Come on.
Kenley: “I think Suede is a poser.” Takes one to know one, dear.
Now that Mom isn’t breathing down her neck, Holly really likes Leanne’s new-and-not-so-improved design. Laura appears to have come around to the pinstripe suit – complete with pocket square.
Tim calls out for a “gather ’round!” and several of the designers cringe. “Gather ’rounds” can lead to nasty surprises. But no, it’s only Jeannie Syphu, the lead stylist for Tresemmé. As part of the head-to-toe makeover, Jeannie is going to consult on the girls’ hair. This is, after all, the Tresemmé challenge. And, oh, by the way, the winning designer and “client” will get a Tresemmé ad in Elle Magazine!
Tim does a walkabout:
Suede: The pockets on the jacket aren’t on the same level, the sleeves aren’t even — as I always suspected — poor, unbalanced Suede…
Kenley: It’s a typical Kenley design. Tim asks Kenley if she didn’t think it would work better if she moved the six inches of tulle hanging out the bottom, up under the hem? Kenley rolls her eyes and later interviews that Tim just doesn’t get her and she’s not going to listen to anything he has to say. Maybe not today, Kenley. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon. I mean it.
Joe: Looks like a lawyer, not a graphic designer.
Runway:
Cynthia Rowley is the guest judge.
Kenley: wanted Anna to look fun and fresh and cute. Heidi: “You found a Mini-Me! She looks just like you!” MK: “It’s what you do, but in this case, it’s the right clothes and right style for the job you’re doing.” Oh, honestly. Like this is any kind of stretch for Kenley. She could have just opened her own closet.
Joe: Laura likes it better without the jacket. Nina: Total cliché of what a work outfit should be. Me: What the hell is that sloppy, cheesy blouse doing there? It doesn’t fit, it’s poorly made, and put on a bra, willya?
Korto: she looks current and her age (21). The jacket is very cool. Modern, young and professional. It really is very well made, although I’m personally not so sure about that dress under a lab coat.
Leanne: Again, the dress is more charming without the jacket. I don’t know… this is not typical Leanne quality. I think she was thrown off by the banshee mother of Holly.
Jerell: She’s into the androgynous thing. Looks really great, they say. Yo! Tresemmé! WTF is up with her hair? You call that a makeover? It looks worse than before you worked on her. Yeesh!
Suede: Avital is a photographer – strong and artistic? Nina has a lot of problems with this outfit – “I will say no more.” Suede: “Ouch.” Yeah, you know Nina really really really hates something when she just won’t talk about it. I think she got worn out arguing with Santino a couple of seasons ago and just refuses to get sucked in.
Korto is in. The winner is: Jerrell. Again. He and Caitlin will be featured in a Tresemmé ad in Elle. MJ notes that whatever that crap is on his head makes him look like one of the Fruit of the Loom characters.
Kenley is in (dammit); Leanne is in.
Suede and Joe are on the bottom.
Joe: “You took a beautiful girl and aged her 25 years”; made a cliche. It was dated, overworked and completely impractical.
Joe interviews that when his daughter hears Heidi say Aufwiedersehn, she thinks it’s “outsy-daisy.” “Guess this is my outsy-daisy. I don’t think I deserved to leave. I think I’ve proven that you can truly follow your dream.” etc. A tear rolls down MJ’s cheek. Bye-bye, Straight Guy!
Jerell: “Second win in a row! That’s the cherry on the mother-f—-in’ cake!” Okay. But next week, d’you think you could use a color other than brown? I’m just asking.
