Project Runway: Stream of Consciousness Recap – Ep. 7

So many distractions lately – first the Olympics, now Bill Clinton. I love that man.

To business –

We open with the usual scenes of the designers rolling out of their respective beds (you gotta wonder sometimes, though…), putting on makeup, sharpening their hair. The usual.

Kenley is sad that Daniel’s gone – he was her best friend.

Keith is overwhelmed by being in the bottom two last week. He wants “to change the way the world dresses.” In Keith’s world, we will all flutter down the street in Swiffer dusters.

Heidi is dressed for her night job – umpire for the New York Giants.

Model selection:

Joe stays with Tapacio. Kelly’s and Daniel’s models, Germaine and Elena are out.

Heidi tells the “designers” (and I must say that, at this point, some of them are actually beginning to resemble the term) to go to the roof of 142 W. 31st Street to find what the next challenge is.

Blayne (who is no longer looking quite so scary orange, and therefore, at least until he pisses me off again, will – for now – lose the moniker Oompa-loompa-licious. Besides, it’s a bitch to type) is scared. For what superstar, what “crazy rooftop style” are they being asked to design.

Korto speculates that they’re going to someone’s penthouse, maybe Mariah. Hee.

They arrive at the address, and Leeane astutely notes that they’re in a parking garage. They all get into one of those elevators that lifts cars up into the garage and they’re a little freaked out by the creaking and rumbling sounds. Finally up on the roof, they see a bunch of cars parked there, Tim is waiting with Chris Webb, the lead color designer for Saturn. The cars are all Saturn Vue Hybrids. Cool.

The challenge is to recycle the vehicles to make an outfit of their choice. Which sort of brought to mind images of Terri and Stella tearing off the bumpers with their teeth. But no, to my huge disappointment, they won’t have to do this. Rats. Each car is stocked with loads of materials used to make the cars. We’re talking rolls of seatbelt straps, loose piles of seat covers, interior door panels, headlights, mirrors, etc. Everyone is given a big rolling cart and bags to load up with stuff.

Everyone races around and starts throwing shit in the bags and carts. Stella interviews that she is “embarrassed, rushing around like a fool. I’m not moving.” Suit yourself. I dunno. Seems like this would have been the challenge she was waiting for – tons and tons of leatha.

Workroom:

Tim tells them that they have until midnight, and the winner will have immunity. He tells them that this challenge is all about innovation. “Have fun.” Okay.

Kenley throws a headlight and cheers when it breaks. Blayne is breaking up the mirrors. Okay, that actually look like fun.

Keith interviews that he has to please the bleeping judges. No, really. They bleeped him. He is sick of sending out all these outfits that stand out and having them (the judges) be so critical. He says that the next thing he does will be tailored and more toned down. Moron. Your timing is impeccable. As was Daniel’s taste. Oh, wait! Loser cut!!!

Stella doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to make a leatha dress – that’s not innovative. There hasn’t been a competition that she hasn’t pounded, grommeted, etc., so she wants to do something pretty with a skirt made of seatbelt straps. >Groan!<

What have they slipped into the Kool Aid? Keith wants to do tailored, and Stella – given all the leatha she could possibly dream of, is using freaking seatbelt straps. They’re hallucinating. I’m hallucinating. Do you know what time it is?

Suede is making a top out of the rubber floor mats. He’s cutting up the mats into itty bitty pieces, and himself in the process. “Blood for fashion and I’m bleeding it, baby.“ No, Suede, the red, white and blue was two weeks ago, remember? Suede recalls his favorite memory was when his (dead) uncle and (dead) father gave him a 1966 Buick Electra. He chokes up, saying he misses his dad. Suede seems to be invoking a lot of dead relatives, lately. Last week, “daydreaming” about his (dead) grandfather, it was sweet. This week it seems manipulative. Here’s hoping that the rest of his family is alive and well.

Keith is making a high-waisted, short pencil skirt out of leatha, and the top out of, what is that? Seat stuffing?

Korto is weaving seatbelts. Going for something like a day coatdress. My MJ observes that it looks like cloth armor. You could put an eye out.

Kenley is drawing a zebra print on air vent filters that she’s gathered for a skirt.

Blayne is making a “flowy elegant dress” out of seatbelts and all the sewing machines are getting messed up because, well, I don’t think the Parsons’s equipment was originally intended for all these heavy, industrial materials .

Jerell observes that everyone is besides themselves, but he is “whistling ‘Dixie’.” I find this image disturbing. A black, gay man is whistling “Dixie”. Next week’s hat will be a Confederate kepi with the Stars & Bars on the front. Ooo. I just got a shiver.

Stella says that she is making a “Planet of the Apes thing.” She has made some sort of leatha hat / helmet thing and plops it on Blayne’s head. She says he looks cute. He goes into a pretty passable Darth Vader impression. Blayne seems to have quite the talent for Star Wars impressions. Could be cute, could be irritating. Jury’s out.

Tim is sending in the models. Shannone had to drop out of the competition, so they brought Germaine back to be Kenley’s model. Kenley is having a conniption fit, because her dress is nearly finished and is fitted to Shannone’s body. She says that Germaine is flat and boxy where Shannone was narrow and curvy.

Kenley is “mad because Shannone bailed on me.” (Sounds like) Blayne said, “Maybe she got a job that pays her real money.” Jerell adds that “It’s hard being a model in New York.” Kenley very generously says,“It’s all about me right now. I have a right to be mad.”

Tim does his walkthrough and, eh. Nothing exceptional here. Except that as he leaves, Oompa-loompa-licious tells him, “Love your face.” Weirdo.

Terri says that Korto’s dress looks like it’s out of the movie “Jeepers Creepers.” Hey, Korto – you ever see “Jeepers Creepers”? Jerell – in the best line of the night – says “Terri has two faces and four patterns. Don’t trust the bitch!”

Keith is all bitchy and grumpy. He gets up from one of the sewing machines and warns the others not to mess up the machine. Blayne says Keith is getting a little ‘tude. Keith interviews how he’s going to give the judges what they want, that he’s here to win, and he feels like he deserves it more than the others.

As the kids get ready for bed, Stella is sharing a tender moment on the (product placement of the week – the Saturns don’t count – Sidekick) phone with her most aptly named boyfriend, Ratbones. Come on. Really? People still give themselves nicknames like that?

Morning of the runway:

Korto interviews that if she “gets called out in the bottom three, it’s on.” I would truly love to see that. Please.

In the workroom, Tim says he’s sending in the models. They’ve got an hour. He goes on: “Work like there’s no tomorrow, because for one of you, there won’t be.” Is it just me? Or is Tim a lot bitchier this season? For Tim, I mean. Not normal people.

Keith is virtually sewing his model into her dress and orders her not to sit down. When she returns from hair and makeup, there’s a small tear at the bottom front seam of the skirt, and when she lifts her top, there are several other separations. Keith is pissed and says, “You sat down!” She said that the stylists made her sit down . Tim announces “10 minutes!” and Keith just about has a meltdown.

The Bravo Question is: Which designer would you like to hop in the backseat with: Blayne, Kenley or all of the above? Eww. Please. I just ate dinner. Oh, lord. The majority vote is “all of them”. I really do worry about our country, sometimes. You know?

Runway:

Laura Bennett is filling in for Nina (and greatly wasted here), and the guest judge is Rachel Zoe, who, purely by coincidence, has her own reality show premiering soon on Bravo.

Jerell – Futuristic bustier, short skirt, very cool.

Keith – Cushion stuffing and leather. Really sorry-looking, especially in the back.

Terri – Seat covers, cargo netting? Shocker! Pants!

Kenley – Black leather top, skirt made out of air filters

Leanne – Seat covers, kind of an unusual silhouette. She was afraid the “hips” would collapse on the runway, so she stuffed the model’s underwear with muslin at the hips.

Suede – Yeah, yeah, blood sweat and tears. One shoulder wonder.

Korto – “swing coat.” MJ still maintains it looks like one of those ancient Chinese terracotta soldiers guarding the emperor’s tomb.

Joe – Made a motocross dress.

Stella – Looks like she just wound the seatbelts around the model from the knees, up. And threw a vest on the top.

Judging:

Terri, Suede, Joe, and Kenley, are all in.

Korto, Leeane, Blayne, Stella, Jerell, and Keith represent the best and worst.

Jerell – drawn to the resin interior moldings. Rachel Zoe thinks it’s amazing. MK: “You gave her a look.” Heidi said it was interesting and wearable.

Blayne – seatbelts, smashed mirrors. MK says that he’s “never been fond of ‘carwash fringe’ skirts. The straps pucker strangely around the boobs, and look weird. Heidi says that because he broke all those mirrors, Blayne will go seven years without sex. And here I thought it was just bad luck. Okay, they might be the same thing.

Korto – restrained drama. Everyone wants to steal it and wear it home.

Leeane – the silhouette is fabulous. It is fabulous and chic. Rachel is blown away and says that she could go straight to Paris with this dress. Fabulous.

Stella – looks random. It’s not her, and the top and bottom just don’t go together.

Keith – wanted to make something that didn’t look like it came from a car. The judges said it was boring, and they couldn’t tell if the triangular hole in the back was intentional or accidental. Keith goes off about how the model sat down and he had to fix the dress so he couldn’t finish the back properly and after the judges ragged on him last week and – there’s a difference between criticism and insulting – he wanted to give them something tailored for a change. Wah wah wah wah wah. Jesus, Keith, shut up!

Judges:

Jerell: dramatic point of view. Chic, wearable, sexy.

Korto: chic coat. Elegant. Rachel wants to wear it.

Leeane: took a risk with silhouette and it paid off.

Stella: two separate garments that didn’t relate to each other.

Blayne: too many ideas.

Keith: lacking in inspiration. Lack of concept, no wow effect. Keith played the blame game – The model and critic ruined my garment. Oh, Keith. You are so gone.

Jerell is in. Leeane is the winner! She’s so excited that she finally won a challenge.

Korto is in, Blayne is in. It’s down to Stella and Keith. Heidi says that this was their chance to be innovative. Keith’s is boring and poorly crafted. Stella’s was expected, disconnected, too simple. Stella is in. Keith is auf-ed.

Everyone hugs Keith. They will miss his rippling tattoos. We will all miss Keith’s rippling tattoos. He interviews that he didn’t want people to see his tears. He’s really crying hysterically. He is most disappointed that he’s going home “for presenting something that wasn’t me, wasn’t my aesthetic.” Living in Utah, you don’t have a lot of opportunities to get out. So, get out, Keith. Leave fucking Utah. Pack a bag and buy a bus ticket, already.

Next week: Designing for fashion legend. Diane Von Furstenburg? Wow. I remember when she was nothing but a rich little dilettante , spending Daddy’s money and getting her name in the paper. Actually, sounds a lot like P__