Project Runway: Stream of Consciousness Recap -Ep. 9

We open as usual with the kids pasting themselves together for another day, another challenge, Yawn.

Terri says that she doesn’t miss Stella – that’s just one less to worry about.

Oompa Loompa Licious asks Suede: “Did you have any dreams?” Suede: “ We all have to make sweetheart neckline dresses out of chiffon and Pop Tarts.” “Did you drink before you went to sleep?”

As they walk out the door, Jerrel: “Come on, let’s see what Miss Clone says our next challenge is about.” Very flattering.

Models:

Leanne stays with Caroline. Kendall (Stella’s model) is out. Everyone’s teary, Yada yada yada. Yawn. I don’t know about you, but I miss the good old days when the model selections had some drama and you could have your model stolen right out from under your nose. Just me, I guess.

Heidi brings out the “special guests” – and it’s all the previous losers!

Terri is suspicious – once you’re gone, you’re gone, so what are they doing here?

Heidi announces that the next challenge is to design an avant garde look, and that the previous designers are here to help them.

Jerrel is all “I can pull an avant garde look out of my ass all by myself.” Thanks for painting that picture for me.

Heidi goes on to reassure our little panicky puppies that the previous losers are “here only to inspire and help” and that this is not a way for them to get back into the game. You could have inflated the Goodyear blimp on that sigh of relief.

Kenley is concerned who she might wind up with. Because she is, after all, The Best.

Workroom:

Tim informs that the teams will be selected at random via the infamous button bag and that their avant garde look must be inspired by the astrological sign of one of the members of the team. The teams will be chosen in the order of the designers’ birthdates

Korto is paired with Kelli, Kenley with Wesley, Joe with Daniel, Leeane (“EmilyorJennifer, EmilyorJennifer, EmilyorJennifer!”) with Emily (whew!), Oompa with Stella (a match made in heaven), Terri (“Not KeithNotKeithNotKeithNotKeith!”) with Keith (hah!), Jerrel with Jennifer, and Suede with Jerry.

They will have two days for challenge, and 30 minutes to caucus and decide which astrological sign of which one of them will be the inspiration for their design.

Sketch, sketch, sketch, shop, shop, shop.

Back in the workroom:

Terri does not work and play well with others. she is pissed that she got Keith – who as you may recall is not one of her best friends. He is tracing or cutting something and she takes the tool out of his hand and says she’ll do it. This is pretty much her theme song. She says that Keith doesn’t have her skill level. Keith tells her to tell him what to do and he’ll sew it for her – she doesn’t have to even touch a sewing machine. “Oh, I’ll touch a sewing machine.” Keith: “Be gentle with me – I’m fragile.” He interviews that he just got sent home so this is difficult for him. You know, I almost feel sorry for him. “I just want to figure out how to be the most help to you.” Terri: “Maybe he can count the pins that fall on the floor.” Bitch.

Joe and Daniel are doing Joe’s sign, Aries. Something about a ram. For some reason, I am very afraid.But, as you can see, needlessly. Must be Daniel’s influence.

Kenley has decided to do Aquarius – “Strong and progressive like me.” Kenley, who I have decided has some kind of nervous disorder because she can’t say or do anything without talking and laughing VERY LOUDLY, is annoying the crap out of everyone else, especially Leanne and Kelli. Leanne says Kenley is “insanely overconfident about her design. And loud about it…beyond annoying.”

Kenley is annoyed that Leanne and Emily are rolling their eyes and talking about her. “I’m just having fun and some girls don’t like that.”

Tim Visits:

Oompa and Stella are doing Libra. Oompa babbles something about balance and emergence and colors exploding – I don’t know, some damn thing. Tim – with a meaningful look at Stella – says that they should think about cohesion. Stella: “I don’t think he got it. But don’t worry – it’ll be great.” Okay, see? That should be your first warning sign.

Jerrel and Jennifer are doing Sagittarius. They said they were going for something like armor. Because Sag is the Archer. The skirt looks like a brown fish with distended gills. Tim: “Talk to me about this choice of fabric. It looks like you cut up a schoolmarm’s old winter coat and turned it into a dress.” and “You are so far out there on the precipice, you will either win or crash and burn.” Jerrel says that at this stage, they may as well go all out.
Leeane and Emily are doing Scorpio. Something about a crustacean and an exoskeleton. It looks cool. Tim likes it, too.Kenley & Wesley are making something that, at first glance, looks like Snow White’s dress. Until you see the fabrics. The top’s got big poofy shoulders in a purple and black plaid, a black leather bustier, a zebra belt, a floral diaphanous skirt. Kenley: “So, whadaya think?!?” Tim: “There is a fine line between avant garde and costume.” Kenley – clearly outraged: “What costume? What play is this in?” “Glinda the Good Witch of the North.” “Really?!? She’d never be this fabulous!” “Okay, don’t listen to me. Don’t listen to me.” “This is going to be awesome! I can’t wait to show this to the judges!” “Good luck to you both.” Wesley: “Kenley has full control of the garment, and I don’t want to add to it because I feel like it is going to get ripped apart on the runway.” Amen, sister.

Tim to Terri: I hope you are using the synergy [between yours and Keith’s strong points]. The silence is deafening.

Next Morning:

Each work station has a note from Heidi. They are to appear at 8:00 p.m. at the Rose Center for Earth & Space American Museum of Natural History for a “party”. With their models in their “looks”.

And oh, by the way, two designers will be eliminated in this challenge. Everyone thought they could work until midnight, but now they’re losing a good four hours. Panic ensues to our amusement. As intended.

Oompa: “We got to bust this out.” Stella interviews: “I’m not worried about people losing. I’m worried about Oompa losing.” Okay, fine. She used his real name. But I won’t. I refuse.

Keith tries one last time to help Terri and she totally blows him off. Keith surrenders and says to Jerrel in the breakroom: “You can totally defend your lion – mane and all – ‘cause I did not design for the Lion King.”

Tim sends in the models.

And oh, by the way, the winner will not get immunity, and there will be no more immunity for any future challenges. We feel tremors of fear and trepidation running throughout the land.

Korto has not been able to sew any of her outfit and it’s being held together with pins.
Kenley: “I’m not impressed with anyone else’s design. No one has anything avant garde but me. I’ve got this in the bag.” Somebody get the tranquilizer gun.

The Rose Center for Earth & Space American Museum of Natural History:

Heidi has invited her “favorite New York designers” – and they are designers from previous seasons of PR: Daniel V., Jay, Kara Janx, Christian, Carmen, Alison, and Robert. They are going to evaluate all the designs and vote for their favorites.

Kenley believes in the adman’s (and Republican’s) dictum – If you repeat something often enough and loudly enough, people will begin to believe it: “This is Aquarius – strong, inventive, rebellious.” Heidi asks her why the model’s boobs are down by her waist. “Where are the boobs?” “What do you mean?” “Well, look where your boobs are.” “And look where your boobs are. They’re in the same place.” “No they’re not.” And as Heidi reaches out to pull up the bustier, Kenley rushes over and looks like she’s going to smack her hand! If only! “If Heidi’s talking nonsense, I’m going to step in and set her straight.” Oooo. Really.
Heidi is now with Oompa and says that his “outfit” looks like “old women’s underwear.” I know what she means. The base of it looks like a 1920’s unbleached cotton all-in-one with a saggy butt. “You understand from the challenge what I’m trying to portray… Think out of the box, Heidi!” Heidi looks unconvinced.

Morning of runway:

Here come the models… one hour for hair and makeup… you know the drill.

Kenley fixed the bustier “for Heidi” and stuffed the model’s top.

“Suede is really, really sad that two people are going home.” Suede is really, really overdue for his medication.

Joe thinks Kenley’s outfit “is totally Mickey Mouse, so she should be in the bottom.”

Keith having been rebuffed by Terri one last time, is sleeping on the sofa. Tim wakes him up – “Come on, Keith, it’s time for the runway.” “Perfect.”

Runway:

Franciso Costa, Women’s Creative Designer for Calvin Klein Collection is the guest judge. And Nina’s back! Glad you’re feeling better!

We have the runway show, and Jerell, Leanne, Korto, Joe are in the winning group and are sent backstage. The remaining teams have the lowest scores and two will be out.

Losers’ Judging:

Oompa’s group is up first. He says that he “played with balance.” Nina says it looks like a one-legged monster and it doesn’t look pretty. MK says that “we’ve seen something like this before and she looks like she’s pooping fabric. It’s just odd.” Personally, I think it was the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen on a runway. Past, present, and hopefully – future. And she looks like she needs her diaper changed.Did I tell you?

Terri’s group: MK says that as Leo and Sagittarius, they should have worked perfectly together. Silence. Oh? Was there a tug of war? It looks like a voodoo princess in hell. (Hee! Kors is so much bitchier this season! Love it!) Terri is shocked to hear these comments. MK says her taste flew out the window. Interestingly, Terri made a dress. Not pants. Now I know the world is coming to an end.
Kenley’s group: Nina is puzzled and doesn’t recognize this as Aquarius. Kenley argues that of course it’s Aquarius! It’s Rebellion, Strength, Strong and Purple! MK says he’s seen this before. Kenley says: “I don’t look at collections.” The judges roll their eyes as one. “This is avant garde!” MK: “Listen, Kenley. Avant garde is something we haven’t seen before.” Snap!

Suede’s group: “Suede and Jerry chose Libra. Suede didn’t want to take it too crazy so refined is where I kept coming back to.” OMG! He slipped and finally did the third-person-self-referral while talking to the judges!!! Did they pick up on it? MK: “This is not the ‘I need to make this and put it in a department store challenge.”
The Judges:

Oompa Loompa Licious: Disaster. Unbearable to look at. This was a joke. Heidi: “Oooo that’s bad, but true.”

Kenley: Didn’t say Aquarius. She gets very defensive whenever she’s critiqued. MK: “She’s more Taurus than anything, ‘cause boy is she stubborn!”

Terri: Nina really hated this outfit. Looked overall cheap. Terri didn’t take any responsibility and tried to put it all on Keith’s “walking out on her.”

Suede: Could have pushed the envelope more. Boring. Tacky. MK (laughing): “He’s talking about himself like he’s a grand couturier! You’re certainly not ready for this third person lingo. I think there’s a lot of self-delusion happening today!” Proof positive that the judges really have no idea about what goes on behind the scenes!

Jerell is the winner! Surprise! Well, I’m surprised, anyway. I guess they didn’t want to give it to Leanne three weeks in a row…

So, Leanne, Korto and Joe are in. Kenley is still in… oh well, no accounting for taste and attitude, I suppose.

Terri: Her look was poorly made lacked taste. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

Oompa: You were asked for avant garde, but it seemed like a joke. No, really, it was hideous.

Suede: It was safe and boring.

Oompa Loompa Licious is finally auf’ed! Yay! I’ll only have to type that two more times! Of course, it will leave these recaps a tad less colorful…Oompa is “baffled. It’s kind of like a slap in the face.” Think of it as a wake-up call.

Suede is in.

Terri is aufed. “This was never in my sightline. I have always seen Bryant Park as the end result. From the time I auditioned, Tim said people need to hear from you.” Okay, we heard. Now shut the hell up.

Oompa Loompa Licious: “Bye! Love your faces! I’m about to rule the world so you better keep your eye out.” Are you kidding? I’m sleeping with one eye open.

**Wanna know what Tbone was talking about? Take my poll!