Project Runway: Stream of Consciousness Recap – Ep. 6

“Good Queen Fun”. Love it.

I actually did a weensy bit of research before this episode. Okay, I read “Project Rungay”. Don’t tell me you didn’t. Okay, fine. When you’re finished here, the link is over there on the right in my Blogroll. I said “When you’re finished here.” Geez. Pay attention. Anyway, it seems that our beloved Chris March (the truly out-of-the-box designer who wuz robbed last season. Don’t get all queasy on me. You’ve worn fur or fake fur, haven’t you? Well what do you suppose hair is? Hmm? Only voluntarily contributed. There! I said it!) – still with me? Good. – is the one who coordinated this event and even chose the drag queens who are this week’s models. What a guy! gay! whatever. It’s all stream-of-consciousness, people.

Let’s get started.

There’s a yellow post-it note that says: “Too Much Drama!” on the wall in the boys’ room.

Joe doesn’t know what Keith’s aesthetic is. Swatches, swatches, swatches.

Heidi introduces special guest Chris March who is wearing an over the top Wagnerian Brünnhilde Valkyrie outfit. The next challenge is designing an outfit for a drag queen. Obvy. Oompa-loompa-licious (of all people!) says, “Too much Drama.” Guess we know where the note came from. Terri says she loves drag queens.

Korto says that the queens are “so much to look at – they’re tall, huge, ginormous .”

Here are the Queens: Farrah Moans, Miss Understood, Sweetie, Luisa Verde, Hedda Lettuce, Sharon Needles, LeMay, Annida Greenkard, Sherry Vine, Acid Betty, Varla Jean Merman.

The designs are to be theatrical – as over the top as you want.

Keith, as last week’s winner, chooses first, and he selects Sherry Vine. Daniel chooses Annida Greenkard, Oompa chooses Miss Understood, Kenley takes Farrah Moans, Joe takes Varla Jean, Korto takes Sweetie (“I love sugar.”), Suede takes Hedda Lettuce, Leanne (see? I learned how to spell it!) takes Sharon Needles, Jerrel (I’m still working on that one) takes LeMay, Terri takes Acid Betty, and Stella is left with Luisa Verde.

Heidi and Chris link arms, chatting about how there’s nothing left for them to do. Chris suggests going out for German food, Heidi suggests beer and pretzels. Oh, like anyone believes that.

The “designers” get 30 minutes to meet with their models and get to know them. They must portray the drag queen’s persona in their creations, and they get a budget of $200. The winner gets immunity for next week. Keith interviews that he “deserved immunity” for his win, last week. What? It’s not enough that the schmatta you “designed” for Brooke Shields is going to get national mainstream TV exposure? Whining beeyotch.

All the looks will be auctioned off to benefit Broadway Cares – Equity Fights AIDS. Great cause!

The highlights:

Oompa’s Miss Understood (oh, no… I understand perfectly) loves bright colors and crazy looks.

Hedda tells Suede that she wants everything that comes to mind when you think “drag queen” in one outfit, but tasteful.

Leanne thinks Sharon Needles is very futuristic, so she’s going for something Jetsons, but fashion-forward.

Daniel interviews that Annida Greenkard is a “glamazon flamenco kind of dancer – but a little more couture with it”. Yes, I’m quite sure that’s the perfect direction to take a drag queen costume. >Sigh<

Joe is totally out of his comfort zone and says he will get through this by pretending he’s making a Halloween costume for one of his daughters. I love you, Joe, but you really have to get over yourself.

Oompa-loompa-licious is parading around the workroom with some sort of pink netting-type material over his head and tied around his neck (please! just a little bit tighter? that’s it, just a little more….) and a pink feather growing out of it. He says that his drag queen name is “Neon-licious”, that she’s “love-alicious”.

Finally, everyone is getting sick of the –licious crap. Even Stella says, “Blayne is really cute but he knows nothing. All he knows is ‘girly-licious’. What is that?” Leanne: “If I hear that word one more time I’m going to barf. I guess that would be ‘barfi-licious.’” Hee!

Bluefly: get a new commercial, will ya? The naked thing is getting old. Are those stretch marks?

Day 2

Suede is daydreaming and his (deceased) grandfather appears and says, “Suede, you need some seeds.” And little lettuce heads come popping up. You know, given the first 4 episodes, I was prepared to hate egotistical, third-person self-referring Suede. But Suede hasn’t referred to himself in the third-person in two whole episodes now, and has been coming off as almost, dare I say it? Sympathetic. It seems he’s getting an early redemption arc. Or maybe he’s been smoking the lettuce.

Keith is doing the usual sloppy fringe-y “tiling technique.”

Kenley: “I don’t know how long (Keith) will be able to get away with using those same swatches over and over again.” You know, I want to call Kenley a bitch, but I’m afraid that she’s right.

Tim brings in the drag queens for fittings. They enter the workroom in their average joe male street clothes.

Joe’s outfit looks like a shiny pink Elvis costume. Varna Jean suggests turning it into a girly navy outfit.

Hedda Lettuce thinks Suede’s design is a little Godzilla-ey. She’s a little bitchy. “Are you using the gloves because you’re too lazy to make sleeves?” “No.” “Are you lying to me?” Suede is like – “she’s not going to dictate my future here on Project Runway. She’s such soggy lettuce.”

Tim comes in with Chris March.

Tim says to Oompa, “It looks like a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.” Oompa said that Tim gave him the best compliment, ‘cause he definitely didn’t want to be boring. I think he’s been inhaling Suede’s smoke.

Tim and Chris love Suede’s gloves with the little lettuce-heads on them. Suede tells them what Hedda said about “being too lazy to make sleeves.” They tell Suede to stick to his guns and make her wear the damn gloves. And like it.

Tim tells Daniel that the bottom is beautiful and elegant, but that it’s too plain up top and it has to be exuberant. Daniel interviews that he’s not at all worried about Tim’s critique – “I think it’s quite beautiful and gets the point across of flamenco.” Uh oh, ignoring Tim. What did I say last week about Daniel and his life-expectancy here? What did I say weeks before that about Wesley ignoring Tim’s advice? No one listens.

Runway Day:

Tim comes in and sends in the models.

Hedda finds Suede alone in the sewing room, and Suede impresses me further by laying it all out for her and telling her that he wants her to work it on the runway. Hedda responds by being very sweet and they hug and make up. Awww.

The Runway:

Is Kenley wearing a dead bird on her head? RuPaul is the guest judge.

Kenley: Her design is a silver dress with a giant white and black feather back collar. It’s very Marilyn. Monroe or Manson?

Oompa-loompa-licious: It’s very electric blue and pink with wings that have matching streamers, and are droopy.

Joe: Shiny pink lame (that’s pronounced “la-may”, not lame… I haven’t figured out how to make the e with the accent mark over it in html yet. Sue me) Anne Margaret on the Love Boat.

Stella: Shiny black with pink and black plaid. Meh.

Suede: Totally cute short dress with fun jacket. I love the lettuce gloves. Send them to me.

Daniel: Big deal. It’s an orange and yellow prom dress.

Terri: Samurai. Kabuki. Weird. Scary.

Jerell: Shiny blue and green dress with a big popped-up collar.

Korto: Red and shiny, flames, removable skirt. Fun!

Keith: More fabric streamers that he calls “Tina Turner / rock ‘n roll.

Leanne: Short black dress. Looks like a futuristic Jane Jetson. Cute.

Blayne, Kenley, Suede, Stella, and Leanne are all safe.

Daniel, Keith, Terri, Korto, Joe, and Jerrel are the best and worst.

Judging:

Terri: She was going for a super samurai. RuPaul loves it. Fantastic. Kiss, Mahogany, Heavy Metal, all rolled up into one. MK wants her boots. I still think she looks scary.

Keith: Says he was going for sex kitten, Tina Turner. Nina thinks it’s messy. MK says that it looks like a molting, gray, sad chicken. It looks like a puzzle.

Joe: Says Varna Jean suggested an Anne Margaret on the Love Boat. Everyone loves it. Said it looks fantastic.

Jerell: Says he thought LeMay looked Classic Hollywood. Everyone says that the dress is too long, makes her waist look too long. MK thinks it looks too normal – a “good bar mitzvah moment.” I think MK is becoming more Jewish as time goes on.

Korto: Look of fire. Love it. Flattering.

Daniel: Softer, capturing flamenco style. Why didn’t he use sequins? He would have wanted to throw up. Buh-bye, Daniel. Ass!

Judges:

Terri: Everywhere you looked there was something interesting. Gene Simmons’ and Diana Ross’ lovechild.

Joe: Match made in heaven. Accented her “ass”ets, and hid what needed to be hidden. It really added to Varla’s persona.

Korto: RuPaul: Sweetie really loved herself in the dress and we the audience got to experience that joy. It really hit the mark.

Keith: Messy looking. Missing the element of polishing. MK: not paying attention to the body, manipulating the fabric week after week.

Jerrel: A yawn. Like a rental costume.

Daniel: Missed the mark in the Olympic challenge and here. Gets defensive when criticized and that’s why he never progresses.

Terri – In

Winner: Joe! He wins immunity. He interviews that winning really reconfirms that he’s getting stronger with every challenge.

Korto – In

Jerrel – In

Daniel – was asked to go over the top and gave nothing but excuses.

Keith – random, unpolished, seen it before. Have you got anything new to show us?

Daniel is out! I said so! Oh for crying out loud. He’s crying. Why is Keith crying? Relief that it wasn’t him? Terri hugs Daniel and he says, “You know, I’m not dead yet.” As he packs his space: “I know I’m extremely talented and have a good taste level, so this isn’t going to stop me.” Another delusional victim of Suede’s lettuce-second-hand-smoke?

A personal observation: It’s not that Daniel isn’t capable or talented. He makes lovely little things. Lack of talent – or taste – was not his downfall. It was his complete and total inability to listen. To follow instructions. To give a client what was requested. At no time was he asked to subjugate his style. Or taste. This is the whole point of the exercise, people. Do what’s required, bringing your own POV. If all you want to do is what you want to do, what are you doing there in the first place? Clueless dip. And so, another mediocre wannabe refuses the wisdom of the Oracle Tim and bites the dust.

I don’t know. There was so much potential here, and I came away a tad disappointed. I did love Joe’s outfit. Certainly MJ (the hubs) is thrilled that the straight guy got a win. And I guess there’s only so much you can do with $200. Kind of a drag, really. Ooo! Speaking of drags – before you go, would you mind very much clicking on my baby dragons? Yes, I know. Don’t ask.

I’m thinking next week is an industrial materials challenge? Was that mylar? Rubber? What? Did they take apart a rooftop air conditioning unit?