I’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorry. I know I’ve been AWOL.

Also? Please forgive any future typos – it’s a little difficult to type with a small cat pinning down one of your arms, chewing on your sleeve, or wrestling your wrist. Just sayin’.

As dawn breaks into jagged shards on the L.A. smog, the remaining girls talk about how weird it feels that Ra’mon is gone (I’m thanking heaven I won’t have to type that stupid apostrophe anymore). Gordana likens the remaining designers to Olympic athletes – they’re all perfect, but on any given day someone may be one or two seconds faster than another.

With Ra’mon gone (okay, second-to-last time I had to type the stupid apostrophe), Logan has to move in with Epperson, Christopher, and Nicolas. Louise says that she doesn’t want to go home, and says that she’s going over the top because she doesn’t want to have another “snoozefest.”

At FIDM:

Heidi points out that Nicolas has immunity this week, and that all she can say about the next challenge is that it will be “colorful.” She sends them off to the workroom to meet Tim.

Workroom:

Tim introduces Martine Reardon, Exec. VP of Marketing for Macy’s. She says that the challenge is all about the color blue. They must create two looks around the color blue, that are consistent with the I.N.C. brand. Tim tells them that the winner will be commissioned by Macy’s and I.N.C. to design a holiday dress that will be sold in select Macy’s (one presumes the stores they haven’t shut down yet) and online. MJ asks me if they get paid for design they create, and thinks it’s a rip that their prize is that they get to work for free. Prestige? I don’t need no stinkin’ prestige. Ppffttt!

They will be working in teams of two (Carol Hannah: “Wahwahwah!”). They have 15 minutes to sketch, after which they’ll pitch their ideas to Martine. She will pick her top 5 favorites, and those will be the team leaders, who will then pick their teammates. The designers are gaga over the possible opportunity to work for free, designing a holiday dress for a store that’s going down the toilet. I think I’ll probably be able to pick that outfit up for a song, by Valentine’s Day.

Martine has obviously spent a great deal of time in Human Resources. She has that HR smile and chipper fake “That’s great!” response with each of the designers. Irina is the first to figure it out. Two points for Irina.

The team leaders are: Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise. Althea chooses Logan, Christopher chooses Epperson, Louise chooses Nicolas, Irina can’t choose and Gordana volunteers, leaving Shirin to work with Carol Hannah.

Tim tells them that because the prize is so huge (the winner gets to work for a tanking mid-range department store, for FREE! Wowee!), there will be no immunity given for this challenge.

At Mood:

They get $100 per team and 20 minutes to shop. Irina interviews that it’s harder to shop with two people, because Gordana keeps running up to her with stuff. Gordana says that Irina keeps telling her that she’s stressing her out. It’s been slowly developing, but Irina is finally emerging as our “Bitch of the Season”, or BOTS.

Louise gets to the cashier and realizes that she doesn’t have her money envelope and runs around the store trying to retrace her steps. She finally finds the cash, and oh by the way, her sketch. This does not bode well.

Workroom:

Carol Hannah interviews that it’s tough being a team leader, because she’s never had anyone work for her, so she’s never delegated. Irina (BOTS) says that it’s a pain in the ass to be team leader, because you not only do your own work, but you have to constantly look over someone else’s shoulder, and she’d just rather do it herself.

Epperson explains how this situation is different from when he worked with Qristyl, because he actually respects Christopher. The truth comes out.

Nicolas notes that Louise makes animal noises while she works. He also hates ruffles.

Althea tells Logan that he’s her seamstress. He says that he prefers “seamster.” Is that a word?

Tim’s Walkabout:

Tim starts with Team Carol Hannah. C-H: “Team Awesome!” Tim: “We shall see.” They have the potential to knock their leggings off!

Tim tells Louise and Nicolas that he’s “excited by the potential” of their ruffled dress, and that they will see any problems and fix them. Hmmm.

Althea and Logan are making another suit. Irina and Gordana “have a lot to talk about and work out.”

Christopher and Epperson are making a shirtdress out of a shiny striped fabric. They have potential for “serious reinvention.”

The models come in for fittings.

Runway Day:

Gordana is frustrated because Irina won’t give her any direction, she just says “I don’t like it.”

Tim: “Good morning, designers!” They have 2 hours to fit the models, and go to hair and makeup.

Epperson’s pleased that the shirtdress looks like a shirt. Yup, that’s reinvention.

Irina thinks that Gordana should have been proactive.

Runway:

Althea and Logan are in. Everyone else is in the top or bottom.

Louise and Nicolas, Christopher and Epperson have the lowest scores.

Judging:

Carol Hannah & Shirin: The judges like them – fit into the I.N.C. brand.

Irina & Gordana: Irina totally threw Gordana under the bus. BOTS. Judges like their designs. Pretty.

Now for the bottom-feeders:

Louise & Nicolas: Heidi: “Who wears this, today?” MK: “Bridesmaid’s dress with a shower loofah ruched up the front.” Heidi: “Nicolas, aren’t you lucky that you have immunity? Aren’t you lucky?” Oh, Heidi. Really. Was that necessary?

Christopher & Epperson: Heidi doesn’t think that any modern woman would wear either of the looks, and thinks the other (MK: “teal charmeuse disco ball.” Hee!) looks like the girl was wearing a chiffon lobster bib. Christopher bursts into tears.

Discussion:

Louise & Nicolas: Unwearable.

Christopher & Epperson: A shower curtain and a satin disco bubble.

Irina & Gordana: Loved the striped dress and the judges believe that it’s a show-stopper.

Carol Hannah & Shirin: The two pieces would show very well together and would sell.

Judgment:

Shirin is in. Irina is the winner. Irina gets to work for a failing department store for FREE! Whoopee! Couldn’t happen to a nicer girl.

Carol Hannah and Epperson are in. Nicolas is told again that he is very lucky he has immunity. He’s in.

Louise – bad, overworked bridesmaid dresses.

Christopher – outfits had nothing to do with each other and no one would would want to buy them.

Louise is auffed. No great loss.

Christopher is in and breaks into uncontrollable sobbing. Oh please. Grow a pair, willya?

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

Which came first: the chicken or the egg? We attempt to answer these and other pressing questions (such as: What are these people thinking?!?), in this episode of “Project Runway: The Mommy Years”.

Morning has broken, like the first morning. Except that it isn’t. We see the designers steeling themselves for another day, another humiliation. Althea says that no one thought Ari would be the first to go, and that it woke them all up. I’m thinking night sweats. (She’s right. The old producers would have kept Ari – for awhile, anyway – and ditched Mitchell) They all realize that they can’t slack off on any challenge.

Mitchell is glad to still be there. (Skin of your teeth, Mitch. Skin of your teeth.) He’s glad someone else took the bullet and he’s ready to rekindle his dream. I’ve got the lighter fluid and a match right here.

At FIDM:

Heidi comes out onto the runway (she looks fabulous in that animal print!). This time, they will be creating a look for an “actual celebrity”! She’s a supermodel and a film and television star. She also has a big surprise.

Irina wonders if they’re designing for Heidi. (Be careful what you wish for, girl.)

Rebecca Romijn steps from behind the scrim and she is decidedly preggers!

Nicolas interviews, laughing in disbelief: “Oh, shit! Oh shit! It’s a pregnancy outfit challenge! I’ve never done a pregnancy outfit in my life!” (Nicolas is beginning to grow on me. I don’t know why. It can’t be his hair. Or is it?)

Rebecca is having twins! “So far, being pregnant is a wonderful, wonderful experience (having twins apparently not only forces you to say everything twice, but also makes you talk like Lawrence Welk – Google him. I can’t be bothered.), but finding fashionable clothing has been difficult.”

The challenge is to design a “pregnancy chic” look for Rebecca. The designers have an extraordinary amount of leeway: because she’s such a busy busy lady during her wunnerful wunnerful pregnancy, the outfit can be for any type of event: lunch, business event, party, whatev. Her only requirement is that it presents a beautiful silhouette, celebrating her shape. Pup tents leap to mind. No kidding. She’s freaking huge.

Workrooom:

Althea notices the pregnancy pillows laid out at everyone’s workstation. Epperson tries one on under his shirt. It’s not a bad look for him.

Christopher says that, even though he has immunity, he still wants to create something fabulous. He wants all the winning dresses on the workroom display mannequins to be his.

Irina (or it might have been Shirin – I’m still working on telling them apart on the fly) wants to know where the belly begins and ask Gordana, since she has kids. Come on, people! I realize rotund is not in your normal lexicon, but what do you do when you see a pregnant woman on the street? Avert your eyes? Because it’s a sign that she’s had sex? Obama won – we no longer live in the 18th century.

Gordana has been pregnant twice and believes that it’s important for a maternity outfit to highlight the woman’s arms and legs, so that’s what she’s going to do. When was the last time you heard someone complimenting a pregnant lady on her legs? Obviously, Gordana’s legs never swelled during her pregnancies.

Ra’mon thinks Rebecca looks like she’s “in her early second semester. Oops! Trimester.” When I think how close we came to Ra’mon having a scalpel in his hand and, like, cutting into somebody’s brain, I shudder a little.

Tim stops by with the details: The outfit must be beautiful and chic. Rebecca had only one specific criterion: it must be form-fitting. They have 30 minutes to sketch; $100 to shop at Mood; and the winner will have immunity.

Logan interviews that he never had a lot of pregnant women in his life. Hmmm. The jury’s out. He says that babies scare him.

Malvin says that he knows what the judges are looking for, now: Concept with construction that’s also fashion forward.

Ra’mon says that being in the top 3 last time, was amazing. He remembers that Nina told him that he must go further and not do the expected.

At Mood:

30 minutes to shop

Carol Hannah has made a maternity dress before – a maternity bridesmaid’s dress “and that’s a whole other can of worms you don’t want to open.” Okay, then.

Qristyl says that she is a little STRESSED! Because she’s FOCUSED! And she just wants to stay CENTERED! Tim: “Qristyl!” “WHAT?!?” “Deep breaths! Deep breaths!” “OKAY!”

Workroom:

Irina (or maybe it’s Shirin) says that there shouldn’t be that much of a gap between pregnancy clothes and regular clothes.

Althea wants to create a bodice with ribbons, keeping the bottom made of jersey for comfort.

Qristyl’s original plan changed.

Mitchell really likes what he’s got going on.

Louise is making a 20’s negligee-style cocktail dress. She’s hand-dying some lace for an appliqued top. I love that color.

Malvin (poor, deluded Malvin) is creating around the concept of fertility. Duh. No, wait. He’s thinking eggs and a bird’s nest. He’s calling his creation “The Mother Hen.”

Ra’mon keeps hearing Nina in his head, saying “Don’t play it safe!” I am so glad Ra’mon doesn’t have a scalpel in his hand.

Irina (ha! I think I’ve got them sorted now! No. Wait. Shirin?): is doing some “lattice smocking” at the “waist.” I’m not familiar with this, but it looks like a lot of handwork.

Althea loves Malvin’s idea. She’s egging him on. Get it?

Mitchell is making a t-shirt and a sweater, because he’s not taking any chances that you can see through it. No sirree, bob. He’s going to make sure that everyone’s boobs are completely covered from here on out. He’s going to make Young Republican clothes. Nothing suggestive here.

He’s also creating shorts. He doesn’t even care about winning this challenge – he just wants to be safe. Mitchell has made the most enormous pair of shorts I have ever seen in my life. (See “Crimes Against Fashion“) Louise and Shirin (Irina?) each put their whole bodies in a leg and launch into an Irish step-dancing routine.

Day 2 – Workroom:

Busy little bees, sewing, breaking zippers, breaking sewing machine needles, etc.

Tim comes in to do his walkabout:

He starts with Althea. Althea’s dress is a dark navy blue and is floor-length. Tim asks Althea where Rebecca is going in this dress, and she says it’s for a luncheon. Tim looks skeptical. “A very important luncheon.” “It had better be.” Tim tells her to give up on creating a scenario of that dress being “day.”

Louise is concerned hers is too nightgown-y. Tim tells her to listen to her viscera. Or maybe it’s just lunch.

Malvin explains his Mother Hen concept to Tim – that her belly is the egg and the ginormous sack (sac?)/sling-thingy is the nest. The black top underneath is trimmed with “feathers” he’s created out of the same silk organza fabric. Tim nods sagely and asks what’s going on the bottom. Jodhpurs. Malvin wants to make jodhpurs to make her thighs look bigger and further the Concept. They’re to look like chicken thighs. I swear to all I hold dear. Freaking CHICKEN THIGHS. Tim absolutely forbids him to do that: “Why would a woman want her thighs to look bigger? I don’t think you want to explain “chicken thighs” on the Runway. Don’t go into costume-land. It’s interesting – I’m definitely not bored.”

Ra’mon tells Tim that he’s been channeling Nina. Tim says, “Don’t be safe, without being cuckoo. We’ve already had cuckoo happen.” “With me?” “No, not with you.” I haven’t figured out if this is a not-so-veiled reference to the late, lamented Ari, or to what he just left after seeing Malvin.

Malvin interviews that he isn’t intimidated. Fashion is about taking risks. Fine. I’m fairly certain, however, that it’s not about making women look like poultry.

Mitchell tells Ra’mon that his dress looks like a bowling ball. (No, it doesn’t. It looks like a bowling ball bag.) Ra’mon is mortified and has to leave the room. Mitchell follows him and says it looks a lot better from the other room. “Yeah,” says Ra’mon, “but they’re not going to be this far away.”

The models come in for their fittings. Ooo, aaaah. Yada yada yada.

Johnny is teaching his model to walk. “You didn’t know that I’m a runway coach, too!” I’m not sure if he was kidding. Whatever. If he doesn’t make it here, he can always get a job at America’s Next Top Model.

Johnny is making a 1972 white floral jacket. He, himself, actually calls it “kind of Easter Sunday.” Saves me the trouble.

Qristyl said Rebecca Romijn wouldn’t wear Johnny’s jacket. She wouldn’t even dust with that jacket. She follows with a giggled “That’s so mean.”

Nicolas doesn’t think Rebecca Romijn would wear any of it, anywhere. Including yours, I’m pretty sure.

Runway Day:

Mitchell: “I don’t know what ahead this day lies.” Direct quote. Hand to God.

Malvin is having doubts. He thinks he needs to make his egg nest more literal. More literal?!? Does he smoke crack with his morning coffee?

Althea is antsy to get back to the workroom to make her look “runway-ready.”

Mitchell is worried about finishing his shorts. Less said about that, the better.

Workroom:

Ra’mon says that there are only two styles of design there: On the right side of the room: “drapey drapey sophisticated”; on the left, “structured tailored.” “Am I really the frontrunner?” Um, No. He sees Logan banging on something and says: “What are you? Stella, working on your leatha?” Oh. So he has actually watched this show before. One sometimes wonders.

Tim comes in and announces that they have two hours for final fittings, hair and makeup.

Althea’s model puts on the dress and oops! The cups are smaller than she thought they would be. There’s a whole lotta chest hanging out, there. Walk carefully, my child.

Qristyl broke the needle on her machine.

Malvin is anxious to see his look on the runway. He thinks the other designers all have something to say, but they haven’t found it yet. “They haven’t cracked the egg.” Direct quote. I swear.

Mitchell is just happy his model will have clothes on. As well he should be.

Christopher thinks he’s going to have another top spot, but doesn’t care because he’s got immunity. No comment.

Runway:

Judges: Michael Kors is absent. In his place is Monique Lhuillier, a top fashion designer. Nina Garcia. Rebecca Romijn. All of them have been pregnant and know what they’re talking about, says Heidi.

There is a runway show. No, I’m not going to show you all 15 of them, but here are some highlights. And lowlights.

Shirin Althea

Ra’mon Mitchell

Louise Malvin

Louise, Mitchell, Althea, Malvin, Shirin, and Ra’mon are called out. Everyone else is safe.

These are the best and worst; one will be the winner and one will be out. The models come out.

Judging:

Ra’mon: The construction is sloppy. The lighter-colored insets are like arrows pointing “here is the baby.”

Louise: Everyone likes it. The tiered construction accommodates the different stages of pregnancy.

Althea: Entirely appropriate for evening. (Way to keep your mouth shut, Al) Although the cups should be more covered but everyone loves it.

Malvin: The embracing cocoon sling is disturbing. He admits that he “may have been too attached to [the] concept.”

Mitchell: The shirt’s too tight, the shorts are too short. The model is a mess. It was a good idea, but the execution didn’t work out.

Shirin: The focus is on comfort. Monique says that there are no bad angles to this dress; Heidi’s impressed; Nina thinks that it is versatile and has many nice details. They think Shirin should go into designing maternity-wear. A high compliment. I think.

Discussion:

Ra’mon’s looked like a bowling ball bag. (Ha! See? I told you!)

Mitchell: If the shorts were well-done they might all wear it to the mall. Heidi thinks they looked like she sewed them herself, and she can’t sew. Apparently, neither can Mitchell.

Malvin had the egg, the chicken, the feathers the whole bird thing covered. “But at least he had a concept,” said Monique. “Oh, yes” – they all chimed in – “there was a concept!” And how did we define “conceptual design” last week, boys and girls?

Shirin: The waistline on the dress was beautiful and the coat was beautiful. Hers is the most wearable.

Althea: They loved the shape. It was slimming and elegant. Monique thought her color choice was excellent. (Way to go, Althea!)

Louise: Rebecca would wear it on a date with her husband. They’re calling it “walk-around lingerie.” It was obvious that Louise thought about it and it was well-executed..

Judgment:

Louise is in.

The winner is: Shirin! The outfit is elegant, beautifully executed and they’d all wear it – pregnant or not. Shirin feels pretty good. As well she should.

Althea is in, Ra’mon is in.

Mitchell & Malvin are our bottom two.

Heidi told Malvin that his design was not flattering – that it was complicated, not in a good way. Mitchell’s was sloppy and there’s no excuse for poor skills.

Malvin is out. Mitchell just squeaked by. He’s told that he needs to up his game and show them he deserves to be there.

In the Kiss ‘n Kry, Malvin says that he is “too conceptual for America,” and that the best thing he got out of this experience is that he is more grounded as a philosopher, as a designer, and as a person.

Go clean up your space. Bye.

Not that I’ll miss him, or anything, but the production direction seems to have changed. The old producers would have kept Malvin for awhile longer, too. Don’t you think?

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

I just want to begin by saying that I am a virgin to this season of Project Runway. I know the whole damn season – including Fashion Week, etc. – has been in the can for months. For me, that knowledge takes away a little of the spontaneous nature of watching the show, even though I know that the end results are no doubt guarded more jealously than a meerkat guards her kittens(?). Yes, I watch Animal Planet sometimes, too.

However, that is all I know. I have stayed away from all of my favorite blogs and websites that talk about Project Runway. Okay, I checked in with Blogging Project Runway from time to time, just to see if there was any news about when Season 6 would air, and which network would have it. I haven’t read any of the designers’ bios, looked at their videos, or read any of their interviews. I didn’t even know any of their names. I wanted to approach this season the same way I approach every season – with a completely empty mind. Um, wait. That didn’t come out quite right. In any event, forgive me if I don’t cover everyone properly, this early in the season. There are just too damn many of them!

And so, we begin as always with the arrival of the brand new kids in a brand new city, Los Angeles:

Ra’mon, age 30. Ra’mon, started life as a budding neurosurgeon. WTF?!? A what?!? I’m sure you made your parents proud when you switched to this particular horse in mid-stream. “Mom. Dad. I’ve come to an important decision. I don’t want to be a neurosurgeon anymore.” “That’s alright, son, what would you rather be? A heart surgeon?” “Um, no.” “A general surgeon?” “Um, no. I want to be a fashion designer.” Cut to the shot of his mother, dead on the floor, and his father crying out: “Who’s going to pay off all those fucking student loans?!?” So, now I have to wonder about Ra’mon’s thought processes and judgment, and whether or not he’s going to change his name before I get a carpal tunnel relapse. No, Ra’mon will have to go soon, and I’m sure that, as a medical professional, he will understand completely.

Logan, age 25. He says that he is a strong pattern-maker. Logan’s adorable. At this stage of the game, that’s about all I can say about him.

Johnny: Johnny tried out 3 times for PR, but he knows why he was rejected. Johnny had a little drug problem. He was a crystal meth addict. Nice. Now we know where at least some of the angst and drama this season will come from. And the betting pool is now open. How many episodes will Johnny last before dissolving into a puddle of goo and the producers have to have him carted away in a bucket?

Next is Gordana. Gordana is originally from the country formerly known as Yugoslavia. “Give me a sheep, I’ll give you a sweater.” Heeheehee… I like Gordana. God, I hope she can design like her personality! I am definitely going to follow Gordana on Twitter.

Malvin is a skinny little guy with fluffy hair. He says that his style is “androgynous.” He doesn’t believe in excluding anyone. I may be wrong, but I predict a series of form-fitting skinny “looks” that no one but a plywood plank can wear. Anyone who says their design style is androgynous is a closet misogynist.

Carol Hannah says her style is “Pixie Meets Cocktail Party.” She says that she is mistakenly typecast as “Just another blonde from the South” with nothing between her ears. She then promptly forgets what she was about to say and giggles. Oh, lord.

Qristyl (another name I have to practice typing) is big and brash and all that and a side of fries. She doesn’t design plus size – she designs plus sexy. I’m following Qristyl on Twitter, too. Oh, come on! How can I not?

Shirin says her name means “sweet” in Farsi. Remains to be seen if her personality bears that out.

Nicolas says his friends call him “the Feather Prince.” Do they? If those are his friends, what do his enemies call him? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Hehehehehe! Nicolas says that his designs include a lot of chiffon, lace, feathers, and champagne. Is that to get the buyers drunk before one of his shows?

Mitchell. I don’t remember a damn thing about Mitchell. Except his hair.

Epperson is 49 years old and has a family back home. Oddly, he strikes me as the most “normal” of the bunch. Epperson came from dressing windows to dressing women.

Christopher is from Minnesota and is self-taught. He couldn’t afford to go to college or design school. Christopher seems pretty normal, too. Wonder how long that will last.

Next we meet Ari Fish. Ari’s name is misspelled. It should be Air. Middle name, Head. Ari doesn’t design like everyone else. She’s all like “Hello fabric, what would you like me to turn you into today?” Says something about wanting to make clothing that have water reclamation systems built-in. I think. MJ (the hubs who gets all the really good snarky lines): “She’s really a Fremen and wants to make stillsuits.” This is a Dune reference. You get used to it.

Next we meet Louise, who is from Texas and is inspired by vintage. Familiar black hair, cut in a bob. She seems nicer than Kenley.

And here is Irina, who I didn’t catch anything about, at all

We learn that Althea is from my hometown, Dayton Ohio! Yoo hoo! Twitter! Althea, follow me!

It’s time to go up to the roof for a champagne toast and to meet Tim and Heidi.

You know, I just noticed that they’re in freaking Los Angeles! Their new workspace is in FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising), Los Angeles.

Tim tells them to rest up, that early the next morning, they will meet at an undisclosed location. I’m thinking Dick Cheney’s West Coast bunker.

The next morning, all the designers meet Tim at the Nokia Theater. The red carpet is laid out for an event, and the designers are told that their challenge will be to create a “red carpet look” for an event of their choosing, incorporating true innovation and their personal style.

Back at the workroom, the designers are assigned models and given their measurements on a card. (I smell trouble) They have 30 minutes to sketch, a budget of $200, and 30 minutes to shop at whatever this season’s version of Mood is.

Malvin says that he will make something that will make the person he designs for feel treasured.

Ari doesn’t sketch and spends her half hour being goofy and standing on her head.

At the fabric store, everyone is running around. Qristyl tells Tim that she can’t find anyone to cut her fabric and asks if she can cut it herself. He says yes, so she rips it right off the bolt. I really like Qristyl.

Back at the workroom, Tim tells the designers that they have until midnight and all of the next day to work. He repeats that innovation is the key to this challenge.

Johnny has changed his design four times and is feeling stressed and lost. He says that he is almost to the point where he wants to throw in the towel. He seems to be giving everyone a turn to be his crying towel.

Everyone’s sewing away and Johnny is beginning to turn into aforesaid bucket of goo. Boy. I didn’t expect the implosion to happen that fast! Johnny tells Tim that he feels too much pressure. “I just don’t want to fail again; I feel emotionally obliterated.” Tim tells him that he can do it. Make it work. That does the trick. Johnny returns to the workroom and announces: “Tim’s a god, I just want everyone to know.” I want to tuck Tim in my purse.

Malvin says, “My clothes are ineffable.” From Webster’s: “ineffable: 1 a : incapable of being expressed in words : indescribable <ineffable joy> b : unspeakable <ineffable disgust> 2 : not to be uttered : taboo ineffable name of Jehovah>” Okay, so what we have here is an adjective without a noun. And we have choices.

Morning 2:

Johnny wakes up with new attitude.

Gordana says that she wishes she could have gone to design school. Christopher says that he’s never even heard of half the design terms these people use.

Tim does his walkabout, checking in on their progress. He tells Ari, regarding the quilted silver hexagons she’s sewn together, “I’m afraid this is going to look like a halter diaper.”

Qristyl asks Tim if her look is dramatic. When he says that it definitely is, she asks, “Is this dramatic in a good way? You’re hesitating too long.” After more hesitation, Tim: “I want you to answer that question yourself.”

The models came in for their fittings – Mitchell’s model doesn’t match her written measurements. He has to take it completely apart.

They will have till midnight to finish.

Morning 3:

They have two hours for hair and makeup and there is now a Macy’s accessory wall.

Mitchell only has some sheer fabric left and some of the smocked bits from the neck of his previous dress. He’s going to be sending a naked model down the runway.

Ari has taken over the styling of her model’s hair and is teasing it into a wild mess. “I’m trying not to damage your hair,” she says to her model. Too late.

Tim returns and shepherds the designers and models to the runway.

Runway:

Heidi tells them that “There are 16 of you now, and soon there will be 15.” I’ve noticed that Heidi becomes more and more sensitive with every passing season.

Our judges are Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, who is now fashion editor of Marie Claire. The guest judge this week is Lindsay Lohan??? Designer of her own line? Really?

There is a fashion show and 16 models walk down the runway. Ten of them are in and safe to design another day.

These six have the highest & lowest scores:

Qristyl: It has a sexy silhouette, the back is beautiful, but the front is a mess. MK tells Qristyl that the woman wearing that dress is going to get killed by the tabloids.

Christopher’s is cute and edgy.

Ra’mon’s is chic, well-made but respectable. Safe.

Ari tells the judges that her client is going to the VMA awards and then to pick up her Nobel Peace Prize, right after. MK says that the model looks like a disco soccer ball. Nina – a bit more tactfully, says that, although she gets that Ari’s is a “conceptual” design, it’s “a little out there.” Seriously, I wasn’t going to show you this, but I can’t not show you:

Ari’s Red Carpet Look*

“Conceptual.” Code word for random crap that has nothing to do with the theme.

Johnny: She looks like a 1920’s starlet: seductive but not overly sexy.

Mitchell: MK tells him that his client would be at home in front of a fireplace with a snifter of brandy, but can’t leave the house. No one can see it on the red carpet.

Johnny is in.

Christopher is the winner! Nice balance of edgy and pretty; he has immunity for next challenge.

Ra’mon is in. Qristyl is in.

Ari and Mitchell are the bottom two. Heidi tells Ari that “it’s one thing to aim outside the box, but another to miss the box entirely.”

Mitchell is in, Ari is auf’ed.

Ari interviews that someone’s got to be first. And then she mumbles something else, I lose interest, and that’s that.

Here is Christopher’s winning design*:

Anyone want to start up the old Kenley/Alexander McQueen/(Bjork) Pejorska controversy? Just for fun? Cowards.

Realistically, I’ve gotta tell ya that 16 is waaayyy too many designers to start with. I can’t help but suspect that the production company is padding the cast in case Johnny turns to goo or they have to boot someone else for cheating, as in seasons past. I smell double eliminations to come.

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com