We open as usual with the kids pasting themselves together for another day, another challenge, Yawn.

Terri says that she doesn’t miss Stella – that’s just one less to worry about.

Oompa Loompa Licious asks Suede: “Did you have any dreams?” Suede: “ We all have to make sweetheart neckline dresses out of chiffon and Pop Tarts.” “Did you drink before you went to sleep?”

As they walk out the door, Jerrel: “Come on, let’s see what Miss Clone says our next challenge is about.” Very flattering.

Models:

Leanne stays with Caroline. Kendall (Stella’s model) is out. Everyone’s teary, Yada yada yada. Yawn. I don’t know about you, but I miss the good old days when the model selections had some drama and you could have your model stolen right out from under your nose. Just me, I guess.

Heidi brings out the “special guests” – and it’s all the previous losers!

Terri is suspicious – once you’re gone, you’re gone, so what are they doing here?

Heidi announces that the next challenge is to design an avant garde look, and that the previous designers are here to help them.

Jerrel is all “I can pull an avant garde look out of my ass all by myself.” Thanks for painting that picture for me.

Heidi goes on to reassure our little panicky puppies that the previous losers are “here only to inspire and help” and that this is not a way for them to get back into the game. You could have inflated the Goodyear blimp on that sigh of relief.

Kenley is concerned who she might wind up with. Because she is, after all, The Best.

Workroom:

Tim informs that the teams will be selected at random via the infamous button bag and that their avant garde look must be inspired by the astrological sign of one of the members of the team. The teams will be chosen in the order of the designers’ birthdates

Korto is paired with Kelli, Kenley with Wesley, Joe with Daniel, Leeane (“EmilyorJennifer, EmilyorJennifer, EmilyorJennifer!”) with Emily (whew!), Oompa with Stella (a match made in heaven), Terri (“Not KeithNotKeithNotKeithNotKeith!”) with Keith (hah!), Jerrel with Jennifer, and Suede with Jerry.

They will have two days for challenge, and 30 minutes to caucus and decide which astrological sign of which one of them will be the inspiration for their design.

Sketch, sketch, sketch, shop, shop, shop.

Back in the workroom:

Terri does not work and play well with others. she is pissed that she got Keith – who as you may recall is not one of her best friends. He is tracing or cutting something and she takes the tool out of his hand and says she’ll do it. This is pretty much her theme song. She says that Keith doesn’t have her skill level. Keith tells her to tell him what to do and he’ll sew it for her – she doesn’t have to even touch a sewing machine. “Oh, I’ll touch a sewing machine.” Keith: “Be gentle with me – I’m fragile.” He interviews that he just got sent home so this is difficult for him. You know, I almost feel sorry for him. “I just want to figure out how to be the most help to you.” Terri: “Maybe he can count the pins that fall on the floor.” Bitch.

Joe and Daniel are doing Joe’s sign, Aries. Something about a ram. For some reason, I am very afraid.But, as you can see, needlessly. Must be Daniel’s influence.

Kenley has decided to do Aquarius – “Strong and progressive like me.” Kenley, who I have decided has some kind of nervous disorder because she can’t say or do anything without talking and laughing VERY LOUDLY, is annoying the crap out of everyone else, especially Leanne and Kelli. Leanne says Kenley is “insanely overconfident about her design. And loud about it…beyond annoying.”

Kenley is annoyed that Leanne and Emily are rolling their eyes and talking about her. “I’m just having fun and some girls don’t like that.”

Tim Visits:

Oompa and Stella are doing Libra. Oompa babbles something about balance and emergence and colors exploding – I don’t know, some damn thing. Tim – with a meaningful look at Stella – says that they should think about cohesion. Stella: “I don’t think he got it. But don’t worry – it’ll be great.” Okay, see? That should be your first warning sign.

Jerrel and Jennifer are doing Sagittarius. They said they were going for something like armor. Because Sag is the Archer. The skirt looks like a brown fish with distended gills. Tim: “Talk to me about this choice of fabric. It looks like you cut up a schoolmarm’s old winter coat and turned it into a dress.” and “You are so far out there on the precipice, you will either win or crash and burn.” Jerrel says that at this stage, they may as well go all out.
Leeane and Emily are doing Scorpio. Something about a crustacean and an exoskeleton. It looks cool. Tim likes it, too.Kenley & Wesley are making something that, at first glance, looks like Snow White’s dress. Until you see the fabrics. The top’s got big poofy shoulders in a purple and black plaid, a black leather bustier, a zebra belt, a floral diaphanous skirt. Kenley: “So, whadaya think?!?” Tim: “There is a fine line between avant garde and costume.” Kenley – clearly outraged: “What costume? What play is this in?” “Glinda the Good Witch of the North.” “Really?!? She’d never be this fabulous!” “Okay, don’t listen to me. Don’t listen to me.” “This is going to be awesome! I can’t wait to show this to the judges!” “Good luck to you both.” Wesley: “Kenley has full control of the garment, and I don’t want to add to it because I feel like it is going to get ripped apart on the runway.” Amen, sister.

Tim to Terri: I hope you are using the synergy [between yours and Keith’s strong points]. The silence is deafening.

Next Morning:

Each work station has a note from Heidi. They are to appear at 8:00 p.m. at the Rose Center for Earth & Space American Museum of Natural History for a “party”. With their models in their “looks”.

And oh, by the way, two designers will be eliminated in this challenge. Everyone thought they could work until midnight, but now they’re losing a good four hours. Panic ensues to our amusement. As intended.

Oompa: “We got to bust this out.” Stella interviews: “I’m not worried about people losing. I’m worried about Oompa losing.” Okay, fine. She used his real name. But I won’t. I refuse.

Keith tries one last time to help Terri and she totally blows him off. Keith surrenders and says to Jerrel in the breakroom: “You can totally defend your lion – mane and all – ‘cause I did not design for the Lion King.”

Tim sends in the models.

And oh, by the way, the winner will not get immunity, and there will be no more immunity for any future challenges. We feel tremors of fear and trepidation running throughout the land.

Korto has not been able to sew any of her outfit and it’s being held together with pins.
Kenley: “I’m not impressed with anyone else’s design. No one has anything avant garde but me. I’ve got this in the bag.” Somebody get the tranquilizer gun.

The Rose Center for Earth & Space American Museum of Natural History:

Heidi has invited her “favorite New York designers” – and they are designers from previous seasons of PR: Daniel V., Jay, Kara Janx, Christian, Carmen, Alison, and Robert. They are going to evaluate all the designs and vote for their favorites.

Kenley believes in the adman’s (and Republican’s) dictum – If you repeat something often enough and loudly enough, people will begin to believe it: “This is Aquarius – strong, inventive, rebellious.” Heidi asks her why the model’s boobs are down by her waist. “Where are the boobs?” “What do you mean?” “Well, look where your boobs are.” “And look where your boobs are. They’re in the same place.” “No they’re not.” And as Heidi reaches out to pull up the bustier, Kenley rushes over and looks like she’s going to smack her hand! If only! “If Heidi’s talking nonsense, I’m going to step in and set her straight.” Oooo. Really.
Heidi is now with Oompa and says that his “outfit” looks like “old women’s underwear.” I know what she means. The base of it looks like a 1920’s unbleached cotton all-in-one with a saggy butt. “You understand from the challenge what I’m trying to portray… Think out of the box, Heidi!” Heidi looks unconvinced.

Morning of runway:

Here come the models… one hour for hair and makeup… you know the drill.

Kenley fixed the bustier “for Heidi” and stuffed the model’s top.

“Suede is really, really sad that two people are going home.” Suede is really, really overdue for his medication.

Joe thinks Kenley’s outfit “is totally Mickey Mouse, so she should be in the bottom.”

Keith having been rebuffed by Terri one last time, is sleeping on the sofa. Tim wakes him up – “Come on, Keith, it’s time for the runway.” “Perfect.”

Runway:

Franciso Costa, Women’s Creative Designer for Calvin Klein Collection is the guest judge. And Nina’s back! Glad you’re feeling better!

We have the runway show, and Jerell, Leanne, Korto, Joe are in the winning group and are sent backstage. The remaining teams have the lowest scores and two will be out.

Losers’ Judging:

Oompa’s group is up first. He says that he “played with balance.” Nina says it looks like a one-legged monster and it doesn’t look pretty. MK says that “we’ve seen something like this before and she looks like she’s pooping fabric. It’s just odd.” Personally, I think it was the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen on a runway. Past, present, and hopefully – future. And she looks like she needs her diaper changed.Did I tell you?

Terri’s group: MK says that as Leo and Sagittarius, they should have worked perfectly together. Silence. Oh? Was there a tug of war? It looks like a voodoo princess in hell. (Hee! Kors is so much bitchier this season! Love it!) Terri is shocked to hear these comments. MK says her taste flew out the window. Interestingly, Terri made a dress. Not pants. Now I know the world is coming to an end.
Kenley’s group: Nina is puzzled and doesn’t recognize this as Aquarius. Kenley argues that of course it’s Aquarius! It’s Rebellion, Strength, Strong and Purple! MK says he’s seen this before. Kenley says: “I don’t look at collections.” The judges roll their eyes as one. “This is avant garde!” MK: “Listen, Kenley. Avant garde is something we haven’t seen before.” Snap!

Suede’s group: “Suede and Jerry chose Libra. Suede didn’t want to take it too crazy so refined is where I kept coming back to.” OMG! He slipped and finally did the third-person-self-referral while talking to the judges!!! Did they pick up on it? MK: “This is not the ‘I need to make this and put it in a department store challenge.”
The Judges:

Oompa Loompa Licious: Disaster. Unbearable to look at. This was a joke. Heidi: “Oooo that’s bad, but true.”

Kenley: Didn’t say Aquarius. She gets very defensive whenever she’s critiqued. MK: “She’s more Taurus than anything, ‘cause boy is she stubborn!”

Terri: Nina really hated this outfit. Looked overall cheap. Terri didn’t take any responsibility and tried to put it all on Keith’s “walking out on her.”

Suede: Could have pushed the envelope more. Boring. Tacky. MK (laughing): “He’s talking about himself like he’s a grand couturier! You’re certainly not ready for this third person lingo. I think there’s a lot of self-delusion happening today!” Proof positive that the judges really have no idea about what goes on behind the scenes!

Jerell is the winner! Surprise! Well, I’m surprised, anyway. I guess they didn’t want to give it to Leanne three weeks in a row…

So, Leanne, Korto and Joe are in. Kenley is still in… oh well, no accounting for taste and attitude, I suppose.

Terri: Her look was poorly made lacked taste. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

Oompa: You were asked for avant garde, but it seemed like a joke. No, really, it was hideous.

Suede: It was safe and boring.

Oompa Loompa Licious is finally auf’ed! Yay! I’ll only have to type that two more times! Of course, it will leave these recaps a tad less colorful…Oompa is “baffled. It’s kind of like a slap in the face.” Think of it as a wake-up call.

Suede is in.

Terri is aufed. “This was never in my sightline. I have always seen Bryant Park as the end result. From the time I auditioned, Tim said people need to hear from you.” Okay, we heard. Now shut the hell up.

Oompa Loompa Licious: “Bye! Love your faces! I’m about to rule the world so you better keep your eye out.” Are you kidding? I’m sleeping with one eye open.

**Wanna know what Tbone was talking about? Take my poll!

So, you have to know that I was torn this week. As I might have inferred last week, I’m an Olympics freak and how dare they put a Project Runway on opposite the freaking Olympics! So I’m recording that hour and watching this. My heart’s still with Natalie Coughlin. Look it up.

Open on Daniel lifting weights. “I am not going to be on the bottom anymore.” Foreshadowing?

Oompa-loompa-licious says as he goes out the door “Team Dramalicious!” then he forgets to close the door. Idiot. I am running out of ways in my head to torture this air-head. Stuff him in a dark closet until he fades to the color of normal Caucasians in Minnesota?

Korto stays with her model (whoever) and Heidi says that they would be designing for a high-powered, professional woman.

As the “designers” sit around the workroom, guesses are Nancy Grace, Joan Rivers, Sharon Osbourne (Oh, Stella…)

Tim gathers them around and repeats what Heidi said earlier: that they would be designing for a high-powered professional woman, and here is Brooke Shields, model, author, actress and fashion icon. Suede – who does not refer to himself in the third person during the entire episode! – remembers her Calvin Klein commercials. Really? Were you even born, then?

The challenge is to design an outfit for Wendy Heely (spelling? I don’t watch that crap – I watch this crap), Brooke’s character on Lipstick Jungle, who is a studio executive, married to a musician, and living a Bohemian lifestyle. Is someone kidding me, here? The outfit has to be something that will carry her from day to night. Ah! the first “team challenge” – they’ll be working in teams of 2.

They will be pitching their design sketches to Brooke, who will decide whose designs will be actually created for the challenge.

Kenley knows most of these people don’t know what they’re doing, so she’s worried.

Jerrell decides that he finally needs to listen to what the challenge calls for. It took you five episodes to figure that out, did it?

Just the highlights:

Kelli wants to do animal prints (Lipstick Jungle. Get it?)

Daniel thinks that his “Mediterranean background” – his father is Moroccan and his mother is Israeli – allows him to see the different ways women can be. Huh?

Brooke asks Keith if the skirt in his sketch shows ruffles. He says that it’s really layers of fringe, because that’s what he’s “all about.”

Stella wants to make a tough dress with a corset over the top. Brooke is concerned and says that her character “still has to go to work in this.” Stella looks stunned and her jaw drops when she hears this.

Brooke chooses: Keith, Korto, Jerrell, Kelli (with the caveat that her leopard print isn’t too “jungle-y”), Terri and Oompa-loompa-licious. REALLY??? When choosing Oompa – whose design is centered around Bermuda shorts, for God’s sake, Brooke said she was scared, but she was intrigued at the same time by a concept so completely different.

And now for the partners: Oompa chooses Leane (if she sticks around long enough, I might actually learn to spell her name); Keith picks Kenley (he knows that she’s a control freak, but thinks he can control her); Terri picks Suede; Korto picks Joe; Kelli picks Daniel because she doesn’t think that Stella can construct what she wants. Jerrell gets stuck with Stella, but says that there is going to be leather in his outfit and he wanted her anyway and that they were going to play to her “skill set”. What a good guy! Could I actually start rooting for Jerrell? Nah. Sorry, I was having an Olympics-team-
player moment.

At Mood:

Kenley doesn’t like anything except this really hideous teeny flower print. Keith hates it, and knows that it’s not the statement he’s going for, but she’s being insistent. Tim comes over, and when asked his opinion, he suggests that they keep looking. Hee! Good one!

Daniel is not a fan of Kelli’s leopard print and lace. It does not play to his excellent taste.

Did you notice that only AFTER looking at all the sketches and fabrics, did they announce that Brooke will really wear the winning design on Lipstick Jungle? I’m telling you – they’re still worried about another Miss Universe disaster. Either that, or they’re so unsure of the skill and taste levels this season, they just don’t want to take a chance. Hmmm? Anyway, that’s the prize. It’s so big that the winner will not get immunity this week.

Suede calls Terri over and says they don’t have enough fabric. Suede always has a concerned look on his face and is making Terri crazy. Now, I just want to be clear here that I am no prude and, when the occasion calls for it, I can swear like a sailor. But never on national television. “I don’t know what he’s packing, balls or a v-jj…” No, I really can’t repeat the rest of her statement. Ick! Terri really has a filthy mouth! Get that girl some Orbit. Ewww. She has Suede make the top and then she says it’s “jacked up”. I think that means bad. And not in a good way.

Kenley asks Suede how the top turned out and Terri says “It’s horrible.” Kenley fakes a shocked expression, looks at Suede with a smile and says “Get ready to defend yourself!”

Oompa‘s parents are divorced and remarried and he says that they’re all crazy. He thinks he gets his crazy from his family. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to the cure, Oompa!

Kenley says that they “need a cleaner, chicer look” and and that Keith’s design was a “too South Beachy-cheesy look”. Hey! I resemble that remark!

Tim comes in with a surprise — He’s sending in the models for an early fitting.

Daniel’s skirt is half-ruched, half-not and is a [hot tranny] mess. Kelli tells him to cut something new.

Tim is concerned about Oompa’s shorts and says that he needs to do something to make them “evening” or even appropriate for an office. Holla atcha boy. Tim smiles but does not play. I think this little catchphrase is finally going to die a slow, natural death. Thank you, Tim!

Tim loves Jerrell’s & Stella’s outfit. It’s very chic – strong but feminine.

Korto is making a huge, billowy orange jacket. Joe is a little concerned because it’s too poofy. Tim says that it looks like a big sweet potato. Reality check! Korto gets on Joe’s ass for not saying anything sooner, because she has immunity and it’s really his neck on the line. If Joe’s crossing the street and a bus is coming, she’s not going to say, oh well, he just really wanted to cross the street. She’s going to reach out and grab him and say, hey! there’s a bus coming! Say something now before it’s too late. We see her tossing the jacket on the cutting table in disgust.

Next morning:

Just an observation, Keith: Why bother with a printed t-shirt with those full-body tattoos? I thought you were already wearing a shirt. Redundant. I’m just sayin’.

Runway show:

Korto’s jacket has a belt on it. Nice save. The sleeveless dress is taupe. Frankly, the top doesn’t fit very well. It puckers funny. Like for boobs that aren’t there. And never will be, poor girl.

Kelli and Daniel designed something for Brooke’s character that definitely goes into evening – Lady of the Evening.

Jerrell and Stella really did well! I’m kind of surprised how well that dress – and particularly the cool belt – works! Bravo!

Keith and Kenley’s dress is okay. It doesn’t really knock my socks off, which almost guarantees that the judges will love it. Nice floral top that you almost don’t notice because of the high-waisted heavy brown fring-y skirt.

Terri and Suede’s was the only pants-based outfit, and that’s why Brooke chose Terri’s design in the first place. Tight pants, and even though Terri came around to loving the top, the model had to make an adjustment, because it started to fall off of her from the top!

Oompa did not do anything to those Bermuda shorts to make them dressy. Geez. They’re khaki. Inappropriate for the boardroom and a night on the town. And hideous to boot. He and Leeane hit the trifecta on this one.

Best & Worst: Blayne & Leane. Kelli and Daniel. Jerrell and Stella. Keith and Kenley.

The Judges:

Jerrell and Stella. Brooke is concerned about the belt. Heidi loves the belt. MK loves it. Heidi’s favorite. Sorry, Brooke. You’re overruled.

Kelli and Daniel. Kelli said that she did the jacket, Daniel made the skirt and they both worked on the – what is that? – a camisole? a corset? She says that she was designing a sexy suit. Brooke said that the shape is “unfortunate” (love that!) and it looks cheaper than it did in the sketch. MK: “Hello? Slutty, slutty, slutty!” Daniel should have said something. Daniel says that he has “impeccable taste. High-end taste.” Kenley starts cracking up. Laughing out loud! Right there on the runway! That girl just can not control herself! Daniel turns to her, clueless, and says: “What? What’s so funny?” The judges say that Kelli wanted to show what Kelli likes. Daniel has not brought much to the table, and not just in this challenge. I’m telling you, he’s going home. Maybe not this week, but soon. What was he saying earlier about not being in the bottom anymore? Guaranteed.

Keith and Kenley. They brought the best of each of them to their dress. Her structure, his taste. They think it’s beautiful, unique, classy, sophisticated. Keith listened and designed something for that character.

Blayne (okay, I’ll use his real name just this once) and Leanne. Brooke said earlier when she picked his sketch that she was scared. And she was right. It was too casual and not sophisticated enough. Heidi said it looks like she got dressed without a mirror and in the dark. I thought it looked like she dressed to go hiking. In heels.

Decision: The winners are Keith and Kenley! Fooled me there. I thought for sure it would be Jerrell and Stella. I thought theirs was much more appropriate.

Leeane is in. Daniel is in… got me again. Is my MJ right? Is Kelli about to be auf-ed? I’ll be damned! MJ is getting very good at this game…

Kelli is pissed and says that she didn’t deserve to go home. Tell us how you really feel, Kelli. Stella is in tears! Why? Kelli says to the designers not going home that “Everything happens for a reason” and that maybe she’ll go home and hit the lottery. And maybe I’ll get a gold medal on the uneven bars.

Next week: Designing outfits for transvestites(!). Introduced by Chris March from last season – who wuz robbed, if you ask me. I know you didn’t, but it is my blog. Tim says that something “looks like a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.”

Can’t wait!