Another bright green and orange morning in LA. Etcetera, etcetera.

Carol Hannah is stuffing cereal in her mouth. Very attractive.

Ra’mon: “Another day, another dollar.” Really? They’re paying you for these bon mots? He doesn’t want to go home. (Did that just earn you another nickel?) Mitchell doesn’t wish the bottom three on any of them. He’s worried, concerned, and frustrated. Which is why you’re giggling and acting like the class wonk.

At FIDM:

Heidi reiterates that Shirin has immunity. She says that it’s time for a field trip. Did they get their permission slips signed?

No visit to California is complete without this next destination. Hint: Don’t forget your sunscreen. Oh, gosh. Where could that be? Ummm…

In the car, everyone actually starts thinking about this like it’s a real puzzle. Puhleeze. Johnny guesses the beach. Duh. Christopher says that they don’t have oceans in Minnesota, and he’s looking forward to seeing the ocean for the first time. Just don’t fall in.

At the beach:

I think this is my favorite moment in the show: Tim is waiting for the designers on the beach wearing his trademark blazer with shades and FLIP FLOPS! I so badly want them to be the $3.69 ones from Walgreen’s, but alas, even his flip flops are impeccable. “Hi guys!”

Welcome to the heart of California: the beach. They are to explore beach and surf wear. There are a bunch of “surfer chicks” who personify the look. Sorry. They don’t look tan or vapid enough. The challenge is to create a fun and fashionable surfwear look.

This is the Garnier Challenge. Philip Carreon, the new hair guy, tells them that no design is complete without the perfect hairstyle – a gorgeous, just-off-the-beach look. That would be what? Stringy and sunbleached? Are they going to have the L’Oreal guy dip the models in faux mahogany, too?

And then the bomb drops. They will be working in teams of two. Everyone visibly cringes and moans.

Ra’mon says that, “The minute Tim says it’s a team challenge, the bottom of my stomach sinks. It really is the format for anything can happen.” You are so right. We get very excited.

Shirin as the winner of the last challenge, is a team leader and gets to choose her team mate first.

The infamous button bag appears and the other team leaders are: Johnny, Qristyl, Althea, Logan, Nicolas, and Mitchell. Mitchell. Oh boy.

Shirin wants to work with Carol Hannah. Logan chooses Christopher, Nicolas picks Gordana. Mitchell chooses Ra’mon because he wants to work with someone who can carry him on this challenge. Well, at least he’s honest. He wants someone who can actually thread a needle.

Althea picks Louise, because she was also in the top three last time. Smart.

Qristyl chooses Epperson and Johnny is left with Irina, but he’s not unhappy.

They get 20 minutes to caucus, to choose which of their models will walk the look, figure out their design direction, and they must “engage” with the “surfer girls.” Yeah – remember them?

Ramon says that being paired with Mitchell, he feels like he’s got “a giant bull’s eye painted directly in the middle of my face. He’s the leader, but I feel I need to step in to give him some guidance.” But he hasn’t said anything yet!

Qristyl gets the feeling that Epperson is treating her like a teacher/student thing and “I aint no damn student.”

Nicolas says that “We have to talk to this little surfer girl… I don’t know what the hell she was talking about. Hoodies and sweatshirts are not for the runway.” while shaking his head in disgust. Nicolas apparently has not spent a great deal of time watching previous seasons of PR.

At Mood:

They get $50 and 15 minutes to shop. Everyone gasps and scatters like gerbils.

Shirin and Carol Hannah want to make a dress that turns into a swimsuit.

Qristyl and Epperson are bickering.

Mitchell: “Ramon and I are not agreeing on fabrics. He’s picked out some pretty ugly things” and he thinks they’re going to be in trouble.

Workroom:

Irina and Johnny are doing something “Bohemian chic.” “It’s going to look: ‘I’m cool, but it’s so effortless, I don’t care,’” says Irina. They tell each other that this is going to be so “hippy.”

Nicolas is shredding fabric. He wants to bring back the wraparound pant and make the swimsuit of “ombre of macrame.” I have no clue what he’s talking about. Except the macrame part. Which apparently is hot again. Darn. I got rid of all my 70′s macrame stuff back in, well, the 70′s.

Qristyl and Epperson are bickering. He critiques every move that Qristyl makes, and says that he would never chosen that green. “I need some Tylenol.” Make mine a double.

Ra’mon: “I’m just going to do this (whatever this is). Mitchell: “That’s fine.” Ra’mon: “That’s not what I need to hear.” Mitchell: “In our relationship, I can’t always tell you that you’re perfect.” Ramon feels like suddenly he’s the captain of the team. Could be because you’ve dismissed Mitchell as a failure and you’re just going to do whatever the hell you want, anyway.

Tim returns with a message from Heidi and the judges: “We’re raising the stakes.” Each team must create a second look!

Ra’mon is all like, “Capital WTH?!?”

The second look will be an avant garde design that must correspond with their California surfwear-inspired look. Both looks will walk the runway and both hairstyles overseen by Garnier.

The Ra’mon Show continues: “Avant garde is something that’s really fun and amazing, but I don’t know how we can fit in another piece…”

They have the rest of tonight to design. Tomorrow they go back to Mood with $200. Tim wants only one team member to go to Mood and leave the other there to work.

Althea tells Louise that they can finish the outfit they’re working on and go crazy tomorrow, but they have to work like hell tonight.

Qristyl insists that she’s the captain, but she doesn’t feel like the captain. Epperson’s taking over and she’s insulted.

Carol Hannah sends us off with: “We have barely a day to do two things – together. Awesome.” She’s growing on me, too.

Day 2 – Mood:

Althea is happy that she gets to pick out the fabrics for the second look. She has a vision in her head.

Ra’mon’s concept is based on a wetsuit with very fluid shapes added to it. Uh huh.

Workroom:

Mitchell says that he has wonderful ideas in his head, but technically he’s in trouble. Did he not inform the producers that he can’t work without his sweatshop of 37 little underage Chinese seamstresses?

Nicolas says he’s glad to see Gordana has nearly finished with the macrame, and that he’s really happy he chose her. He’s very worried about the avant garde look, though – that it might come off looking “like a blue tranny.” I think it looks like it came out of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog.

Epperson and Qristyl are bickering.

Mitchell says he’ll finish the bathing suit, mostly because Ra’mon won’t let him touch anything else. Who cares about the bathing suit, when no one’s going to see it anyway, right? Ra’mon rolls his eyes.

Tim visits, but not for his walkabout: “Hi! The Prophet of Doom is here!” he calls out, cheerily.

Tim tells Carol Hannah that her model, Erika, has an issue. She took a commercial and won’t be around for the fitting. Will that be a problem? Hell, yeah! Carol Hannah says that she feels bad, but she can’t work on this without fitting it on the model. Erika is out and they’re bringing back Valerie, who was auf’ed last week. (Don’t you people watch Models of the Runway, too? That’s where the real drama of Project Runway is happening, this season!) They’re going to put Valerie in the avant garde look.

Gordana says that Nicolas’ avant garde look is provocative for her taste. “Maybe this is a sea woman becoming human like the movie the ‘Mermaid.’” she says, hopefully.

Model Fahtma (who hates Mitchell as a loser) is hanging all over Mitchell, who is explaining to her that it’s really important to have the wetsuit. Ra’mon: “I’m not the team leader, but I don’t know what is with Mitchell. He can’t seem to focus… maybe he just doesn’t care, but it’s really bringing us down.” And Mitchell either really doesn’t give a rat’s ass, or he’s just resigned to Ra’mon running over the top of him.

Mitchell burns himself while ironing what appears to be neoprene strips, and Nicolas tells him that he’s going to be laughing when she (Heidi) sends his (Mitchell’s) ass home – “I’ll help them pack you!” Mitchell says he’s going to write “Auf Wiedersehn, Bitches” on the chalkboard when he leaves. Ramon mutters something about Mitchell not trying to be a winner in this situation. What tipped you off?

Tim’s Walkabout:

He starts with Johnny and Irina. Since it’s avant garde Johnny wants to go out of control as much as possible. It’s an oversized macrame design. Tim loves it.

Qristyl and Epperson: They show the surfer look, and when they pull the top down, Tim says that he was knocked out when it was up and of a piece, but suddenly all that sophistication went out the window.

Shirin and Carol Hannah: Want to pull in the waves and water thing. Tim says that they have a lot of work to do.

Tim is impressed that Logan made a hat.

Althea and Louise make a good team.

Nicolas & Gordana made a macrame bathing suit.

Mitchell and Ra’mon: “What is that?!?” It’s a jumpsuit inspired by a wetsuit. “I feel like I’m in a cartoon between a superhero and a Greek goddess.” He doesn’t get it and tells them to pull it together, but thanks them off-camera for giving him an opportunity to plug the new comic book.

Ra’mon: Again it’s the eleventh hour and he’s got to pull something out of his ass. Scraps the wetsuit and has decided to take the whole thing in his own hands. When wasn’t it? Mitchell interviews that he has no idea what Ra’mon is doing.

Epperson and Qristyl are bickering. “I don’t know what kind of woman you’re used to, but I’m not going to let you talk to me just any kind of way.” Epperson seems genuinely confused.

Runway Day:

Mitchell: “Help! I don’t want to get yelled at anymore!” Nicolas asks Mitchell if he’s ready to be in the bottom two again, today. Mitchell: “I hate you so much! But I think three strikes and you’re out.” Qristyl: “Hopefully, I’ll still be here.” Carol Hannah: “… I’ll tell Heidi that she can’t send her home – she makes me laugh.”

Qristyl’s fear is that two people are going to be sent home.

Logan and Christopher are so happy, there’s no way they won’t win.

Ra’mon is working on both looks at the same time, and trying to keep Mitchell focused. “I’m not going home because of this.” Honestly, I don’t know what Ra’mon’s “focus” technique is, because it seems to consist entirely of telling Mitchell not to touch anything.

Tim: “Good morning, designers!” They have 2 hours to fit the models, and go to hair and makeup.

Tim asks Ra’mon if he’s ready. “You may need to resurrect the scuba suit.” Ra’mon decides that the neoprene he’s now working with, looks like “a ball of lettuce.” He’s going to hand dye the neoprene. “Bare-bones, straight from the street.” Tim tells him they have 35 minutes and both models have to be fully dressed. “So get something together and make it work.”

Tim: In 15 minutes they are all walking to the runway. Everybody has to be ready. It looks like everyone is sewing their models into the dresses.

Qristyl: “If I have to, I’m going to tell the judges that Epperson redid everything I did.” She’ll do what she has to, to save herself.

Epperson: “This is the first time I feel nervous.“

Mitchell doesn’t want to be in the bottom two again, but he’s made quite a home for himself there.

Runway:

Althea & Louise, Logan & Christopher, Shirin & Carol Hannah are called out. All are in and move on.

Nicolas & Gordana

Top: Johnny & Irina

Judging:

Johnny & Irina: Irina did the macrame. Judges love this. I do, too. This should win.

Ra’mon was inspired by the seaweed washed up on the beach. But, isn’t Mitchell the team leader? asks Heidi. Mitchell said that he made the swimsuit. “But we don’t even see the swimsuit. You did the swimsuit and Ra’mon did everything else?” The neoprene made Nina very happy and Rachel said that she would wear it, altered (she’s ony 5’2″ – no kidding!).

Qristyl: “I was the captain and Epperson took over.” And Epperson runs over the top of her. Qristyl tries to say something again, and Epperson runs over her again. She should look like “Flat Andy” by now. Max: “If you’re not a team player, you can’t be a designer.” Qristyl nods vigorously in agreement, but I’m not sure to which one of them he was speaking. I also can’t help but wonder what kind of a team player is Mr. Azria. Just sayin’.

Nicolas – Heidi says she loves the top but the bottom is messy. Looking at the avant garde look: “What is that? It’s not classy.” Nicolas admits that maybe he took it too far. Nina says he didn’t have to include the garters. Gordana says, in his defense, that she thinks Nicolas’ work with the organza on the top was brilliant. Gordana is a team player. Max says that the work is not good, so let’s just put it aside.

Discussion:

Johnny & Irina: Everyone loves theirs, especially. So do I. Which is why it will lose.

Mitchell & Ra’mon: The judges love the neoprene and Heidi says she would wear it if it were tweaked a little. Max: “But, Mitchell did nothing.” Heidi: “On Project Runway, you have to design and create and sew. Mitchell let Ramon do all the sewing. How are we supposed to judge someone if they didn’t do anything?” Excellent point.

Nicolas & Gordana: Nicolas has to tame that provocative nature and be more careful in his fabric choices.

Qristyl & Epperson: The top of the beach look was lovely, but he did everything and acted as the team leader. Max: “She was weak and he took advantage.”

Judgment:

Ramon is the Winner?!? “It’s fresh beautiful and came closest to objectives of challenge.” Really? (I’m saying that a lot this episode. I’ll be lucky if my eyebrows don’t lock in a permanent surprise position. Like I overdid the Botox or something.) Honest to god, it looks like that foam crap they make parts of cheap Halloween costumes out of. And then someone spilled a bottle of ink onto it. This is why I’ll never be one of the cool kids. I think it looks like a cheap piece of crap that someone pulled out of their ass at the eleventh hour. Oh, wait. Nevertheless, Ra’mon has immunity for the next challenge.

“I’m the winner? Is there a recount? This is ridiculous.” I couldn’t agree more.

Irina and Johnny are in; Nicolas and Gordana are in; Epperson is in.

Mitchell and Qristyl are the bottom two. Qristyl’s leadership skills are non-existant. Mitchell: “We are disappointed and confused.”

Never on Project Runway has a member of a winning team gone home. But, three strikes and he’s out. Mitchell is clairvoyant.

“I wasn’t as assertive as I should have been and that was a mistake. (No, you’re not as talented as you should have been to get here in the first place. Sorry, but true.) I don’t regret being myself. (Class Wonk) I’m going home with a smile on my face.” Whatev.

If the rest of this season is this abominable, then I think Project Runway may have not only jumped production teams and networks, but the proverbial shark, as well. Bleah!

**Note: This is beginning to look familiar. I think I’m going to call it the “C-H Swoosh”

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com