I’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorryI’mSorry. I know I’ve been AWOL.

Also? Please forgive any future typos – it’s a little difficult to type with a small cat pinning down one of your arms, chewing on your sleeve, or wrestling your wrist. Just sayin’.

As dawn breaks into jagged shards on the L.A. smog, the remaining girls talk about how weird it feels that Ra’mon is gone (I’m thanking heaven I won’t have to type that stupid apostrophe anymore). Gordana likens the remaining designers to Olympic athletes – they’re all perfect, but on any given day someone may be one or two seconds faster than another.

With Ra’mon gone (okay, second-to-last time I had to type the stupid apostrophe), Logan has to move in with Epperson, Christopher, and Nicolas. Louise says that she doesn’t want to go home, and says that she’s going over the top because she doesn’t want to have another “snoozefest.”

At FIDM:

Heidi points out that Nicolas has immunity this week, and that all she can say about the next challenge is that it will be “colorful.” She sends them off to the workroom to meet Tim.

Workroom:

Tim introduces Martine Reardon, Exec. VP of Marketing for Macy’s. She says that the challenge is all about the color blue. They must create two looks around the color blue, that are consistent with the I.N.C. brand. Tim tells them that the winner will be commissioned by Macy’s and I.N.C. to design a holiday dress that will be sold in select Macy’s (one presumes the stores they haven’t shut down yet) and online. MJ asks me if they get paid for design they create, and thinks it’s a rip that their prize is that they get to work for free. Prestige? I don’t need no stinkin’ prestige. Ppffttt!

They will be working in teams of two (Carol Hannah: “Wahwahwah!”). They have 15 minutes to sketch, after which they’ll pitch their ideas to Martine. She will pick her top 5 favorites, and those will be the team leaders, who will then pick their teammates. The designers are gaga over the possible opportunity to work for free, designing a holiday dress for a store that’s going down the toilet. I think I’ll probably be able to pick that outfit up for a song, by Valentine’s Day.

Martine has obviously spent a great deal of time in Human Resources. She has that HR smile and chipper fake “That’s great!” response with each of the designers. Irina is the first to figure it out. Two points for Irina.

The team leaders are: Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise. Althea chooses Logan, Christopher chooses Epperson, Louise chooses Nicolas, Irina can’t choose and Gordana volunteers, leaving Shirin to work with Carol Hannah.

Tim tells them that because the prize is so huge (the winner gets to work for a tanking mid-range department store, for FREE! Wowee!), there will be no immunity given for this challenge.

At Mood:

They get $100 per team and 20 minutes to shop. Irina interviews that it’s harder to shop with two people, because Gordana keeps running up to her with stuff. Gordana says that Irina keeps telling her that she’s stressing her out. It’s been slowly developing, but Irina is finally emerging as our “Bitch of the Season”, or BOTS.

Louise gets to the cashier and realizes that she doesn’t have her money envelope and runs around the store trying to retrace her steps. She finally finds the cash, and oh by the way, her sketch. This does not bode well.

Workroom:

Carol Hannah interviews that it’s tough being a team leader, because she’s never had anyone work for her, so she’s never delegated. Irina (BOTS) says that it’s a pain in the ass to be team leader, because you not only do your own work, but you have to constantly look over someone else’s shoulder, and she’d just rather do it herself.

Epperson explains how this situation is different from when he worked with Qristyl, because he actually respects Christopher. The truth comes out.

Nicolas notes that Louise makes animal noises while she works. He also hates ruffles.

Althea tells Logan that he’s her seamstress. He says that he prefers “seamster.” Is that a word?

Tim’s Walkabout:

Tim starts with Team Carol Hannah. C-H: “Team Awesome!” Tim: “We shall see.” They have the potential to knock their leggings off!

Tim tells Louise and Nicolas that he’s “excited by the potential” of their ruffled dress, and that they will see any problems and fix them. Hmmm.

Althea and Logan are making another suit. Irina and Gordana “have a lot to talk about and work out.”

Christopher and Epperson are making a shirtdress out of a shiny striped fabric. They have potential for “serious reinvention.”

The models come in for fittings.

Runway Day:

Gordana is frustrated because Irina won’t give her any direction, she just says “I don’t like it.”

Tim: “Good morning, designers!” They have 2 hours to fit the models, and go to hair and makeup.

Epperson’s pleased that the shirtdress looks like a shirt. Yup, that’s reinvention.

Irina thinks that Gordana should have been proactive.

Runway:

Althea and Logan are in. Everyone else is in the top or bottom.

Louise and Nicolas, Christopher and Epperson have the lowest scores.

Judging:

Carol Hannah & Shirin: The judges like them – fit into the I.N.C. brand.

Irina & Gordana: Irina totally threw Gordana under the bus. BOTS. Judges like their designs. Pretty.

Now for the bottom-feeders:

Louise & Nicolas: Heidi: “Who wears this, today?” MK: “Bridesmaid’s dress with a shower loofah ruched up the front.” Heidi: “Nicolas, aren’t you lucky that you have immunity? Aren’t you lucky?” Oh, Heidi. Really. Was that necessary?

Christopher & Epperson: Heidi doesn’t think that any modern woman would wear either of the looks, and thinks the other (MK: “teal charmeuse disco ball.” Hee!) looks like the girl was wearing a chiffon lobster bib. Christopher bursts into tears.

Discussion:

Louise & Nicolas: Unwearable.

Christopher & Epperson: A shower curtain and a satin disco bubble.

Irina & Gordana: Loved the striped dress and the judges believe that it’s a show-stopper.

Carol Hannah & Shirin: The two pieces would show very well together and would sell.

Judgment:

Shirin is in. Irina is the winner. Irina gets to work for a failing department store for FREE! Whoopee! Couldn’t happen to a nicer girl.

Carol Hannah and Epperson are in. Nicolas is told again that he is very lucky he has immunity. He’s in.

Louise – bad, overworked bridesmaid dresses.

Christopher – outfits had nothing to do with each other and no one would would want to buy them.

Louise is auffed. No great loss.

Christopher is in and breaks into uncontrollable sobbing. Oh please. Grow a pair, willya?

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

Another bright green and orange morning in LA. Etcetera, etcetera.

Carol Hannah is stuffing cereal in her mouth. Very attractive.

Ra’mon: “Another day, another dollar.” Really? They’re paying you for these bon mots? He doesn’t want to go home. (Did that just earn you another nickel?) Mitchell doesn’t wish the bottom three on any of them. He’s worried, concerned, and frustrated. Which is why you’re giggling and acting like the class wonk.

At FIDM:

Heidi reiterates that Shirin has immunity. She says that it’s time for a field trip. Did they get their permission slips signed?

No visit to California is complete without this next destination. Hint: Don’t forget your sunscreen. Oh, gosh. Where could that be? Ummm…

In the car, everyone actually starts thinking about this like it’s a real puzzle. Puhleeze. Johnny guesses the beach. Duh. Christopher says that they don’t have oceans in Minnesota, and he’s looking forward to seeing the ocean for the first time. Just don’t fall in.

At the beach:

I think this is my favorite moment in the show: Tim is waiting for the designers on the beach wearing his trademark blazer with shades and FLIP FLOPS! I so badly want them to be the $3.69 ones from Walgreen’s, but alas, even his flip flops are impeccable. “Hi guys!”

Welcome to the heart of California: the beach. They are to explore beach and surf wear. There are a bunch of “surfer chicks” who personify the look. Sorry. They don’t look tan or vapid enough. The challenge is to create a fun and fashionable surfwear look.

This is the Garnier Challenge. Philip Carreon, the new hair guy, tells them that no design is complete without the perfect hairstyle – a gorgeous, just-off-the-beach look. That would be what? Stringy and sunbleached? Are they going to have the L’Oreal guy dip the models in faux mahogany, too?

And then the bomb drops. They will be working in teams of two. Everyone visibly cringes and moans.

Ra’mon says that, “The minute Tim says it’s a team challenge, the bottom of my stomach sinks. It really is the format for anything can happen.” You are so right. We get very excited.

Shirin as the winner of the last challenge, is a team leader and gets to choose her team mate first.

The infamous button bag appears and the other team leaders are: Johnny, Qristyl, Althea, Logan, Nicolas, and Mitchell. Mitchell. Oh boy.

Shirin wants to work with Carol Hannah. Logan chooses Christopher, Nicolas picks Gordana. Mitchell chooses Ra’mon because he wants to work with someone who can carry him on this challenge. Well, at least he’s honest. He wants someone who can actually thread a needle.

Althea picks Louise, because she was also in the top three last time. Smart.

Qristyl chooses Epperson and Johnny is left with Irina, but he’s not unhappy.

They get 20 minutes to caucus, to choose which of their models will walk the look, figure out their design direction, and they must “engage” with the “surfer girls.” Yeah – remember them?

Ramon says that being paired with Mitchell, he feels like he’s got “a giant bull’s eye painted directly in the middle of my face. He’s the leader, but I feel I need to step in to give him some guidance.” But he hasn’t said anything yet!

Qristyl gets the feeling that Epperson is treating her like a teacher/student thing and “I aint no damn student.”

Nicolas says that “We have to talk to this little surfer girl… I don’t know what the hell she was talking about. Hoodies and sweatshirts are not for the runway.” while shaking his head in disgust. Nicolas apparently has not spent a great deal of time watching previous seasons of PR.

At Mood:

They get $50 and 15 minutes to shop. Everyone gasps and scatters like gerbils.

Shirin and Carol Hannah want to make a dress that turns into a swimsuit.

Qristyl and Epperson are bickering.

Mitchell: “Ramon and I are not agreeing on fabrics. He’s picked out some pretty ugly things” and he thinks they’re going to be in trouble.

Workroom:

Irina and Johnny are doing something “Bohemian chic.” “It’s going to look: ‘I’m cool, but it’s so effortless, I don’t care,’” says Irina. They tell each other that this is going to be so “hippy.”

Nicolas is shredding fabric. He wants to bring back the wraparound pant and make the swimsuit of “ombre of macrame.” I have no clue what he’s talking about. Except the macrame part. Which apparently is hot again. Darn. I got rid of all my 70′s macrame stuff back in, well, the 70′s.

Qristyl and Epperson are bickering. He critiques every move that Qristyl makes, and says that he would never chosen that green. “I need some Tylenol.” Make mine a double.

Ra’mon: “I’m just going to do this (whatever this is). Mitchell: “That’s fine.” Ra’mon: “That’s not what I need to hear.” Mitchell: “In our relationship, I can’t always tell you that you’re perfect.” Ramon feels like suddenly he’s the captain of the team. Could be because you’ve dismissed Mitchell as a failure and you’re just going to do whatever the hell you want, anyway.

Tim returns with a message from Heidi and the judges: “We’re raising the stakes.” Each team must create a second look!

Ra’mon is all like, “Capital WTH?!?”

The second look will be an avant garde design that must correspond with their California surfwear-inspired look. Both looks will walk the runway and both hairstyles overseen by Garnier.

The Ra’mon Show continues: “Avant garde is something that’s really fun and amazing, but I don’t know how we can fit in another piece…”

They have the rest of tonight to design. Tomorrow they go back to Mood with $200. Tim wants only one team member to go to Mood and leave the other there to work.

Althea tells Louise that they can finish the outfit they’re working on and go crazy tomorrow, but they have to work like hell tonight.

Qristyl insists that she’s the captain, but she doesn’t feel like the captain. Epperson’s taking over and she’s insulted.

Carol Hannah sends us off with: “We have barely a day to do two things – together. Awesome.” She’s growing on me, too.

Day 2 – Mood:

Althea is happy that she gets to pick out the fabrics for the second look. She has a vision in her head.

Ra’mon’s concept is based on a wetsuit with very fluid shapes added to it. Uh huh.

Workroom:

Mitchell says that he has wonderful ideas in his head, but technically he’s in trouble. Did he not inform the producers that he can’t work without his sweatshop of 37 little underage Chinese seamstresses?

Nicolas says he’s glad to see Gordana has nearly finished with the macrame, and that he’s really happy he chose her. He’s very worried about the avant garde look, though – that it might come off looking “like a blue tranny.” I think it looks like it came out of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog.

Epperson and Qristyl are bickering.

Mitchell says he’ll finish the bathing suit, mostly because Ra’mon won’t let him touch anything else. Who cares about the bathing suit, when no one’s going to see it anyway, right? Ra’mon rolls his eyes.

Tim visits, but not for his walkabout: “Hi! The Prophet of Doom is here!” he calls out, cheerily.

Tim tells Carol Hannah that her model, Erika, has an issue. She took a commercial and won’t be around for the fitting. Will that be a problem? Hell, yeah! Carol Hannah says that she feels bad, but she can’t work on this without fitting it on the model. Erika is out and they’re bringing back Valerie, who was auf’ed last week. (Don’t you people watch Models of the Runway, too? That’s where the real drama of Project Runway is happening, this season!) They’re going to put Valerie in the avant garde look.

Gordana says that Nicolas’ avant garde look is provocative for her taste. “Maybe this is a sea woman becoming human like the movie the ‘Mermaid.’” she says, hopefully.

Model Fahtma (who hates Mitchell as a loser) is hanging all over Mitchell, who is explaining to her that it’s really important to have the wetsuit. Ra’mon: “I’m not the team leader, but I don’t know what is with Mitchell. He can’t seem to focus… maybe he just doesn’t care, but it’s really bringing us down.” And Mitchell either really doesn’t give a rat’s ass, or he’s just resigned to Ra’mon running over the top of him.

Mitchell burns himself while ironing what appears to be neoprene strips, and Nicolas tells him that he’s going to be laughing when she (Heidi) sends his (Mitchell’s) ass home – “I’ll help them pack you!” Mitchell says he’s going to write “Auf Wiedersehn, Bitches” on the chalkboard when he leaves. Ramon mutters something about Mitchell not trying to be a winner in this situation. What tipped you off?

Tim’s Walkabout:

He starts with Johnny and Irina. Since it’s avant garde Johnny wants to go out of control as much as possible. It’s an oversized macrame design. Tim loves it.

Qristyl and Epperson: They show the surfer look, and when they pull the top down, Tim says that he was knocked out when it was up and of a piece, but suddenly all that sophistication went out the window.

Shirin and Carol Hannah: Want to pull in the waves and water thing. Tim says that they have a lot of work to do.

Tim is impressed that Logan made a hat.

Althea and Louise make a good team.

Nicolas & Gordana made a macrame bathing suit.

Mitchell and Ra’mon: “What is that?!?” It’s a jumpsuit inspired by a wetsuit. “I feel like I’m in a cartoon between a superhero and a Greek goddess.” He doesn’t get it and tells them to pull it together, but thanks them off-camera for giving him an opportunity to plug the new comic book.

Ra’mon: Again it’s the eleventh hour and he’s got to pull something out of his ass. Scraps the wetsuit and has decided to take the whole thing in his own hands. When wasn’t it? Mitchell interviews that he has no idea what Ra’mon is doing.

Epperson and Qristyl are bickering. “I don’t know what kind of woman you’re used to, but I’m not going to let you talk to me just any kind of way.” Epperson seems genuinely confused.

Runway Day:

Mitchell: “Help! I don’t want to get yelled at anymore!” Nicolas asks Mitchell if he’s ready to be in the bottom two again, today. Mitchell: “I hate you so much! But I think three strikes and you’re out.” Qristyl: “Hopefully, I’ll still be here.” Carol Hannah: “… I’ll tell Heidi that she can’t send her home – she makes me laugh.”

Qristyl’s fear is that two people are going to be sent home.

Logan and Christopher are so happy, there’s no way they won’t win.

Ra’mon is working on both looks at the same time, and trying to keep Mitchell focused. “I’m not going home because of this.” Honestly, I don’t know what Ra’mon’s “focus” technique is, because it seems to consist entirely of telling Mitchell not to touch anything.

Tim: “Good morning, designers!” They have 2 hours to fit the models, and go to hair and makeup.

Tim asks Ra’mon if he’s ready. “You may need to resurrect the scuba suit.” Ra’mon decides that the neoprene he’s now working with, looks like “a ball of lettuce.” He’s going to hand dye the neoprene. “Bare-bones, straight from the street.” Tim tells him they have 35 minutes and both models have to be fully dressed. “So get something together and make it work.”

Tim: In 15 minutes they are all walking to the runway. Everybody has to be ready. It looks like everyone is sewing their models into the dresses.

Qristyl: “If I have to, I’m going to tell the judges that Epperson redid everything I did.” She’ll do what she has to, to save herself.

Epperson: “This is the first time I feel nervous.“

Mitchell doesn’t want to be in the bottom two again, but he’s made quite a home for himself there.

Runway:

Althea & Louise, Logan & Christopher, Shirin & Carol Hannah are called out. All are in and move on.

Nicolas & Gordana

Top: Johnny & Irina

Judging:

Johnny & Irina: Irina did the macrame. Judges love this. I do, too. This should win.

Ra’mon was inspired by the seaweed washed up on the beach. But, isn’t Mitchell the team leader? asks Heidi. Mitchell said that he made the swimsuit. “But we don’t even see the swimsuit. You did the swimsuit and Ra’mon did everything else?” The neoprene made Nina very happy and Rachel said that she would wear it, altered (she’s ony 5’2″ – no kidding!).

Qristyl: “I was the captain and Epperson took over.” And Epperson runs over the top of her. Qristyl tries to say something again, and Epperson runs over her again. She should look like “Flat Andy” by now. Max: “If you’re not a team player, you can’t be a designer.” Qristyl nods vigorously in agreement, but I’m not sure to which one of them he was speaking. I also can’t help but wonder what kind of a team player is Mr. Azria. Just sayin’.

Nicolas – Heidi says she loves the top but the bottom is messy. Looking at the avant garde look: “What is that? It’s not classy.” Nicolas admits that maybe he took it too far. Nina says he didn’t have to include the garters. Gordana says, in his defense, that she thinks Nicolas’ work with the organza on the top was brilliant. Gordana is a team player. Max says that the work is not good, so let’s just put it aside.

Discussion:

Johnny & Irina: Everyone loves theirs, especially. So do I. Which is why it will lose.

Mitchell & Ra’mon: The judges love the neoprene and Heidi says she would wear it if it were tweaked a little. Max: “But, Mitchell did nothing.” Heidi: “On Project Runway, you have to design and create and sew. Mitchell let Ramon do all the sewing. How are we supposed to judge someone if they didn’t do anything?” Excellent point.

Nicolas & Gordana: Nicolas has to tame that provocative nature and be more careful in his fabric choices.

Qristyl & Epperson: The top of the beach look was lovely, but he did everything and acted as the team leader. Max: “She was weak and he took advantage.”

Judgment:

Ramon is the Winner?!? “It’s fresh beautiful and came closest to objectives of challenge.” Really? (I’m saying that a lot this episode. I’ll be lucky if my eyebrows don’t lock in a permanent surprise position. Like I overdid the Botox or something.) Honest to god, it looks like that foam crap they make parts of cheap Halloween costumes out of. And then someone spilled a bottle of ink onto it. This is why I’ll never be one of the cool kids. I think it looks like a cheap piece of crap that someone pulled out of their ass at the eleventh hour. Oh, wait. Nevertheless, Ra’mon has immunity for the next challenge.

“I’m the winner? Is there a recount? This is ridiculous.” I couldn’t agree more.

Irina and Johnny are in; Nicolas and Gordana are in; Epperson is in.

Mitchell and Qristyl are the bottom two. Qristyl’s leadership skills are non-existant. Mitchell: “We are disappointed and confused.”

Never on Project Runway has a member of a winning team gone home. But, three strikes and he’s out. Mitchell is clairvoyant.

“I wasn’t as assertive as I should have been and that was a mistake. (No, you’re not as talented as you should have been to get here in the first place. Sorry, but true.) I don’t regret being myself. (Class Wonk) I’m going home with a smile on my face.” Whatev.

If the rest of this season is this abominable, then I think Project Runway may have not only jumped production teams and networks, but the proverbial shark, as well. Bleah!

**Note: This is beginning to look familiar. I think I’m going to call it the “C-H Swoosh”

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

To tide you over till my Project Runway recap, I bring you an example of a “crime against maternity fashion” to illustrate last week’s episode. Girl, break down and get some ACTUAL maternity wear! Or maybe it’s the lack of fashionable maternity clothing that makes young moms stay in their regular clothing for far too long… Discuss!

Which came first: the chicken or the egg? We attempt to answer these and other pressing questions (such as: What are these people thinking?!?), in this episode of “Project Runway: The Mommy Years”.

Morning has broken, like the first morning. Except that it isn’t. We see the designers steeling themselves for another day, another humiliation. Althea says that no one thought Ari would be the first to go, and that it woke them all up. I’m thinking night sweats. (She’s right. The old producers would have kept Ari – for awhile, anyway – and ditched Mitchell) They all realize that they can’t slack off on any challenge.

Mitchell is glad to still be there. (Skin of your teeth, Mitch. Skin of your teeth.) He’s glad someone else took the bullet and he’s ready to rekindle his dream. I’ve got the lighter fluid and a match right here.

At FIDM:

Heidi comes out onto the runway (she looks fabulous in that animal print!). This time, they will be creating a look for an “actual celebrity”! She’s a supermodel and a film and television star. She also has a big surprise.

Irina wonders if they’re designing for Heidi. (Be careful what you wish for, girl.)

Rebecca Romijn steps from behind the scrim and she is decidedly preggers!

Nicolas interviews, laughing in disbelief: “Oh, shit! Oh shit! It’s a pregnancy outfit challenge! I’ve never done a pregnancy outfit in my life!” (Nicolas is beginning to grow on me. I don’t know why. It can’t be his hair. Or is it?)

Rebecca is having twins! “So far, being pregnant is a wonderful, wonderful experience (having twins apparently not only forces you to say everything twice, but also makes you talk like Lawrence Welk – Google him. I can’t be bothered.), but finding fashionable clothing has been difficult.”

The challenge is to design a “pregnancy chic” look for Rebecca. The designers have an extraordinary amount of leeway: because she’s such a busy busy lady during her wunnerful wunnerful pregnancy, the outfit can be for any type of event: lunch, business event, party, whatev. Her only requirement is that it presents a beautiful silhouette, celebrating her shape. Pup tents leap to mind. No kidding. She’s freaking huge.

Workrooom:

Althea notices the pregnancy pillows laid out at everyone’s workstation. Epperson tries one on under his shirt. It’s not a bad look for him.

Christopher says that, even though he has immunity, he still wants to create something fabulous. He wants all the winning dresses on the workroom display mannequins to be his.

Irina (or it might have been Shirin – I’m still working on telling them apart on the fly) wants to know where the belly begins and ask Gordana, since she has kids. Come on, people! I realize rotund is not in your normal lexicon, but what do you do when you see a pregnant woman on the street? Avert your eyes? Because it’s a sign that she’s had sex? Obama won – we no longer live in the 18th century.

Gordana has been pregnant twice and believes that it’s important for a maternity outfit to highlight the woman’s arms and legs, so that’s what she’s going to do. When was the last time you heard someone complimenting a pregnant lady on her legs? Obviously, Gordana’s legs never swelled during her pregnancies.

Ra’mon thinks Rebecca looks like she’s “in her early second semester. Oops! Trimester.” When I think how close we came to Ra’mon having a scalpel in his hand and, like, cutting into somebody’s brain, I shudder a little.

Tim stops by with the details: The outfit must be beautiful and chic. Rebecca had only one specific criterion: it must be form-fitting. They have 30 minutes to sketch; $100 to shop at Mood; and the winner will have immunity.

Logan interviews that he never had a lot of pregnant women in his life. Hmmm. The jury’s out. He says that babies scare him.

Malvin says that he knows what the judges are looking for, now: Concept with construction that’s also fashion forward.

Ra’mon says that being in the top 3 last time, was amazing. He remembers that Nina told him that he must go further and not do the expected.

At Mood:

30 minutes to shop

Carol Hannah has made a maternity dress before – a maternity bridesmaid’s dress “and that’s a whole other can of worms you don’t want to open.” Okay, then.

Qristyl says that she is a little STRESSED! Because she’s FOCUSED! And she just wants to stay CENTERED! Tim: “Qristyl!” “WHAT?!?” “Deep breaths! Deep breaths!” “OKAY!”

Workroom:

Irina (or maybe it’s Shirin) says that there shouldn’t be that much of a gap between pregnancy clothes and regular clothes.

Althea wants to create a bodice with ribbons, keeping the bottom made of jersey for comfort.

Qristyl’s original plan changed.

Mitchell really likes what he’s got going on.

Louise is making a 20’s negligee-style cocktail dress. She’s hand-dying some lace for an appliqued top. I love that color.

Malvin (poor, deluded Malvin) is creating around the concept of fertility. Duh. No, wait. He’s thinking eggs and a bird’s nest. He’s calling his creation “The Mother Hen.”

Ra’mon keeps hearing Nina in his head, saying “Don’t play it safe!” I am so glad Ra’mon doesn’t have a scalpel in his hand.

Irina (ha! I think I’ve got them sorted now! No. Wait. Shirin?): is doing some “lattice smocking” at the “waist.” I’m not familiar with this, but it looks like a lot of handwork.

Althea loves Malvin’s idea. She’s egging him on. Get it?

Mitchell is making a t-shirt and a sweater, because he’s not taking any chances that you can see through it. No sirree, bob. He’s going to make sure that everyone’s boobs are completely covered from here on out. He’s going to make Young Republican clothes. Nothing suggestive here.

He’s also creating shorts. He doesn’t even care about winning this challenge – he just wants to be safe. Mitchell has made the most enormous pair of shorts I have ever seen in my life. (See “Crimes Against Fashion“) Louise and Shirin (Irina?) each put their whole bodies in a leg and launch into an Irish step-dancing routine.

Day 2 – Workroom:

Busy little bees, sewing, breaking zippers, breaking sewing machine needles, etc.

Tim comes in to do his walkabout:

He starts with Althea. Althea’s dress is a dark navy blue and is floor-length. Tim asks Althea where Rebecca is going in this dress, and she says it’s for a luncheon. Tim looks skeptical. “A very important luncheon.” “It had better be.” Tim tells her to give up on creating a scenario of that dress being “day.”

Louise is concerned hers is too nightgown-y. Tim tells her to listen to her viscera. Or maybe it’s just lunch.

Malvin explains his Mother Hen concept to Tim – that her belly is the egg and the ginormous sack (sac?)/sling-thingy is the nest. The black top underneath is trimmed with “feathers” he’s created out of the same silk organza fabric. Tim nods sagely and asks what’s going on the bottom. Jodhpurs. Malvin wants to make jodhpurs to make her thighs look bigger and further the Concept. They’re to look like chicken thighs. I swear to all I hold dear. Freaking CHICKEN THIGHS. Tim absolutely forbids him to do that: “Why would a woman want her thighs to look bigger? I don’t think you want to explain “chicken thighs” on the Runway. Don’t go into costume-land. It’s interesting – I’m definitely not bored.”

Ra’mon tells Tim that he’s been channeling Nina. Tim says, “Don’t be safe, without being cuckoo. We’ve already had cuckoo happen.” “With me?” “No, not with you.” I haven’t figured out if this is a not-so-veiled reference to the late, lamented Ari, or to what he just left after seeing Malvin.

Malvin interviews that he isn’t intimidated. Fashion is about taking risks. Fine. I’m fairly certain, however, that it’s not about making women look like poultry.

Mitchell tells Ra’mon that his dress looks like a bowling ball. (No, it doesn’t. It looks like a bowling ball bag.) Ra’mon is mortified and has to leave the room. Mitchell follows him and says it looks a lot better from the other room. “Yeah,” says Ra’mon, “but they’re not going to be this far away.”

The models come in for their fittings. Ooo, aaaah. Yada yada yada.

Johnny is teaching his model to walk. “You didn’t know that I’m a runway coach, too!” I’m not sure if he was kidding. Whatever. If he doesn’t make it here, he can always get a job at America’s Next Top Model.

Johnny is making a 1972 white floral jacket. He, himself, actually calls it “kind of Easter Sunday.” Saves me the trouble.

Qristyl said Rebecca Romijn wouldn’t wear Johnny’s jacket. She wouldn’t even dust with that jacket. She follows with a giggled “That’s so mean.”

Nicolas doesn’t think Rebecca Romijn would wear any of it, anywhere. Including yours, I’m pretty sure.

Runway Day:

Mitchell: “I don’t know what ahead this day lies.” Direct quote. Hand to God.

Malvin is having doubts. He thinks he needs to make his egg nest more literal. More literal?!? Does he smoke crack with his morning coffee?

Althea is antsy to get back to the workroom to make her look “runway-ready.”

Mitchell is worried about finishing his shorts. Less said about that, the better.

Workroom:

Ra’mon says that there are only two styles of design there: On the right side of the room: “drapey drapey sophisticated”; on the left, “structured tailored.” “Am I really the frontrunner?” Um, No. He sees Logan banging on something and says: “What are you? Stella, working on your leatha?” Oh. So he has actually watched this show before. One sometimes wonders.

Tim comes in and announces that they have two hours for final fittings, hair and makeup.

Althea’s model puts on the dress and oops! The cups are smaller than she thought they would be. There’s a whole lotta chest hanging out, there. Walk carefully, my child.

Qristyl broke the needle on her machine.

Malvin is anxious to see his look on the runway. He thinks the other designers all have something to say, but they haven’t found it yet. “They haven’t cracked the egg.” Direct quote. I swear.

Mitchell is just happy his model will have clothes on. As well he should be.

Christopher thinks he’s going to have another top spot, but doesn’t care because he’s got immunity. No comment.

Runway:

Judges: Michael Kors is absent. In his place is Monique Lhuillier, a top fashion designer. Nina Garcia. Rebecca Romijn. All of them have been pregnant and know what they’re talking about, says Heidi.

There is a runway show. No, I’m not going to show you all 15 of them, but here are some highlights. And lowlights.

Shirin Althea

Ra’mon Mitchell

Louise Malvin

Louise, Mitchell, Althea, Malvin, Shirin, and Ra’mon are called out. Everyone else is safe.

These are the best and worst; one will be the winner and one will be out. The models come out.

Judging:

Ra’mon: The construction is sloppy. The lighter-colored insets are like arrows pointing “here is the baby.”

Louise: Everyone likes it. The tiered construction accommodates the different stages of pregnancy.

Althea: Entirely appropriate for evening. (Way to keep your mouth shut, Al) Although the cups should be more covered but everyone loves it.

Malvin: The embracing cocoon sling is disturbing. He admits that he “may have been too attached to [the] concept.”

Mitchell: The shirt’s too tight, the shorts are too short. The model is a mess. It was a good idea, but the execution didn’t work out.

Shirin: The focus is on comfort. Monique says that there are no bad angles to this dress; Heidi’s impressed; Nina thinks that it is versatile and has many nice details. They think Shirin should go into designing maternity-wear. A high compliment. I think.

Discussion:

Ra’mon’s looked like a bowling ball bag. (Ha! See? I told you!)

Mitchell: If the shorts were well-done they might all wear it to the mall. Heidi thinks they looked like she sewed them herself, and she can’t sew. Apparently, neither can Mitchell.

Malvin had the egg, the chicken, the feathers the whole bird thing covered. “But at least he had a concept,” said Monique. “Oh, yes” – they all chimed in – “there was a concept!” And how did we define “conceptual design” last week, boys and girls?

Shirin: The waistline on the dress was beautiful and the coat was beautiful. Hers is the most wearable.

Althea: They loved the shape. It was slimming and elegant. Monique thought her color choice was excellent. (Way to go, Althea!)

Louise: Rebecca would wear it on a date with her husband. They’re calling it “walk-around lingerie.” It was obvious that Louise thought about it and it was well-executed..

Judgment:

Louise is in.

The winner is: Shirin! The outfit is elegant, beautifully executed and they’d all wear it – pregnant or not. Shirin feels pretty good. As well she should.

Althea is in, Ra’mon is in.

Mitchell & Malvin are our bottom two.

Heidi told Malvin that his design was not flattering – that it was complicated, not in a good way. Mitchell’s was sloppy and there’s no excuse for poor skills.

Malvin is out. Mitchell just squeaked by. He’s told that he needs to up his game and show them he deserves to be there.

In the Kiss ‘n Kry, Malvin says that he is “too conceptual for America,” and that the best thing he got out of this experience is that he is more grounded as a philosopher, as a designer, and as a person.

Go clean up your space. Bye.

Not that I’ll miss him, or anything, but the production direction seems to have changed. The old producers would have kept Malvin for awhile longer, too. Don’t you think?

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

I just want to begin by saying that I am a virgin to this season of Project Runway. I know the whole damn season – including Fashion Week, etc. – has been in the can for months. For me, that knowledge takes away a little of the spontaneous nature of watching the show, even though I know that the end results are no doubt guarded more jealously than a meerkat guards her kittens(?). Yes, I watch Animal Planet sometimes, too.

However, that is all I know. I have stayed away from all of my favorite blogs and websites that talk about Project Runway. Okay, I checked in with Blogging Project Runway from time to time, just to see if there was any news about when Season 6 would air, and which network would have it. I haven’t read any of the designers’ bios, looked at their videos, or read any of their interviews. I didn’t even know any of their names. I wanted to approach this season the same way I approach every season – with a completely empty mind. Um, wait. That didn’t come out quite right. In any event, forgive me if I don’t cover everyone properly, this early in the season. There are just too damn many of them!

And so, we begin as always with the arrival of the brand new kids in a brand new city, Los Angeles:

Ra’mon, age 30. Ra’mon, started life as a budding neurosurgeon. WTF?!? A what?!? I’m sure you made your parents proud when you switched to this particular horse in mid-stream. “Mom. Dad. I’ve come to an important decision. I don’t want to be a neurosurgeon anymore.” “That’s alright, son, what would you rather be? A heart surgeon?” “Um, no.” “A general surgeon?” “Um, no. I want to be a fashion designer.” Cut to the shot of his mother, dead on the floor, and his father crying out: “Who’s going to pay off all those fucking student loans?!?” So, now I have to wonder about Ra’mon’s thought processes and judgment, and whether or not he’s going to change his name before I get a carpal tunnel relapse. No, Ra’mon will have to go soon, and I’m sure that, as a medical professional, he will understand completely.

Logan, age 25. He says that he is a strong pattern-maker. Logan’s adorable. At this stage of the game, that’s about all I can say about him.

Johnny: Johnny tried out 3 times for PR, but he knows why he was rejected. Johnny had a little drug problem. He was a crystal meth addict. Nice. Now we know where at least some of the angst and drama this season will come from. And the betting pool is now open. How many episodes will Johnny last before dissolving into a puddle of goo and the producers have to have him carted away in a bucket?

Next is Gordana. Gordana is originally from the country formerly known as Yugoslavia. “Give me a sheep, I’ll give you a sweater.” Heeheehee… I like Gordana. God, I hope she can design like her personality! I am definitely going to follow Gordana on Twitter.

Malvin is a skinny little guy with fluffy hair. He says that his style is “androgynous.” He doesn’t believe in excluding anyone. I may be wrong, but I predict a series of form-fitting skinny “looks” that no one but a plywood plank can wear. Anyone who says their design style is androgynous is a closet misogynist.

Carol Hannah says her style is “Pixie Meets Cocktail Party.” She says that she is mistakenly typecast as “Just another blonde from the South” with nothing between her ears. She then promptly forgets what she was about to say and giggles. Oh, lord.

Qristyl (another name I have to practice typing) is big and brash and all that and a side of fries. She doesn’t design plus size – she designs plus sexy. I’m following Qristyl on Twitter, too. Oh, come on! How can I not?

Shirin says her name means “sweet” in Farsi. Remains to be seen if her personality bears that out.

Nicolas says his friends call him “the Feather Prince.” Do they? If those are his friends, what do his enemies call him? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Hehehehehe! Nicolas says that his designs include a lot of chiffon, lace, feathers, and champagne. Is that to get the buyers drunk before one of his shows?

Mitchell. I don’t remember a damn thing about Mitchell. Except his hair.

Epperson is 49 years old and has a family back home. Oddly, he strikes me as the most “normal” of the bunch. Epperson came from dressing windows to dressing women.

Christopher is from Minnesota and is self-taught. He couldn’t afford to go to college or design school. Christopher seems pretty normal, too. Wonder how long that will last.

Next we meet Ari Fish. Ari’s name is misspelled. It should be Air. Middle name, Head. Ari doesn’t design like everyone else. She’s all like “Hello fabric, what would you like me to turn you into today?” Says something about wanting to make clothing that have water reclamation systems built-in. I think. MJ (the hubs who gets all the really good snarky lines): “She’s really a Fremen and wants to make stillsuits.” This is a Dune reference. You get used to it.

Next we meet Louise, who is from Texas and is inspired by vintage. Familiar black hair, cut in a bob. She seems nicer than Kenley.

And here is Irina, who I didn’t catch anything about, at all

We learn that Althea is from my hometown, Dayton Ohio! Yoo hoo! Twitter! Althea, follow me!

It’s time to go up to the roof for a champagne toast and to meet Tim and Heidi.

You know, I just noticed that they’re in freaking Los Angeles! Their new workspace is in FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising), Los Angeles.

Tim tells them to rest up, that early the next morning, they will meet at an undisclosed location. I’m thinking Dick Cheney’s West Coast bunker.

The next morning, all the designers meet Tim at the Nokia Theater. The red carpet is laid out for an event, and the designers are told that their challenge will be to create a “red carpet look” for an event of their choosing, incorporating true innovation and their personal style.

Back at the workroom, the designers are assigned models and given their measurements on a card. (I smell trouble) They have 30 minutes to sketch, a budget of $200, and 30 minutes to shop at whatever this season’s version of Mood is.

Malvin says that he will make something that will make the person he designs for feel treasured.

Ari doesn’t sketch and spends her half hour being goofy and standing on her head.

At the fabric store, everyone is running around. Qristyl tells Tim that she can’t find anyone to cut her fabric and asks if she can cut it herself. He says yes, so she rips it right off the bolt. I really like Qristyl.

Back at the workroom, Tim tells the designers that they have until midnight and all of the next day to work. He repeats that innovation is the key to this challenge.

Johnny has changed his design four times and is feeling stressed and lost. He says that he is almost to the point where he wants to throw in the towel. He seems to be giving everyone a turn to be his crying towel.

Everyone’s sewing away and Johnny is beginning to turn into aforesaid bucket of goo. Boy. I didn’t expect the implosion to happen that fast! Johnny tells Tim that he feels too much pressure. “I just don’t want to fail again; I feel emotionally obliterated.” Tim tells him that he can do it. Make it work. That does the trick. Johnny returns to the workroom and announces: “Tim’s a god, I just want everyone to know.” I want to tuck Tim in my purse.

Malvin says, “My clothes are ineffable.” From Webster’s: “ineffable: 1 a : incapable of being expressed in words : indescribable <ineffable joy> b : unspeakable <ineffable disgust> 2 : not to be uttered : taboo ineffable name of Jehovah>” Okay, so what we have here is an adjective without a noun. And we have choices.

Morning 2:

Johnny wakes up with new attitude.

Gordana says that she wishes she could have gone to design school. Christopher says that he’s never even heard of half the design terms these people use.

Tim does his walkabout, checking in on their progress. He tells Ari, regarding the quilted silver hexagons she’s sewn together, “I’m afraid this is going to look like a halter diaper.”

Qristyl asks Tim if her look is dramatic. When he says that it definitely is, she asks, “Is this dramatic in a good way? You’re hesitating too long.” After more hesitation, Tim: “I want you to answer that question yourself.”

The models came in for their fittings – Mitchell’s model doesn’t match her written measurements. He has to take it completely apart.

They will have till midnight to finish.

Morning 3:

They have two hours for hair and makeup and there is now a Macy’s accessory wall.

Mitchell only has some sheer fabric left and some of the smocked bits from the neck of his previous dress. He’s going to be sending a naked model down the runway.

Ari has taken over the styling of her model’s hair and is teasing it into a wild mess. “I’m trying not to damage your hair,” she says to her model. Too late.

Tim returns and shepherds the designers and models to the runway.

Runway:

Heidi tells them that “There are 16 of you now, and soon there will be 15.” I’ve noticed that Heidi becomes more and more sensitive with every passing season.

Our judges are Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, who is now fashion editor of Marie Claire. The guest judge this week is Lindsay Lohan??? Designer of her own line? Really?

There is a fashion show and 16 models walk down the runway. Ten of them are in and safe to design another day.

These six have the highest & lowest scores:

Qristyl: It has a sexy silhouette, the back is beautiful, but the front is a mess. MK tells Qristyl that the woman wearing that dress is going to get killed by the tabloids.

Christopher’s is cute and edgy.

Ra’mon’s is chic, well-made but respectable. Safe.

Ari tells the judges that her client is going to the VMA awards and then to pick up her Nobel Peace Prize, right after. MK says that the model looks like a disco soccer ball. Nina – a bit more tactfully, says that, although she gets that Ari’s is a “conceptual” design, it’s “a little out there.” Seriously, I wasn’t going to show you this, but I can’t not show you:

Ari’s Red Carpet Look*

“Conceptual.” Code word for random crap that has nothing to do with the theme.

Johnny: She looks like a 1920’s starlet: seductive but not overly sexy.

Mitchell: MK tells him that his client would be at home in front of a fireplace with a snifter of brandy, but can’t leave the house. No one can see it on the red carpet.

Johnny is in.

Christopher is the winner! Nice balance of edgy and pretty; he has immunity for next challenge.

Ra’mon is in. Qristyl is in.

Ari and Mitchell are the bottom two. Heidi tells Ari that “it’s one thing to aim outside the box, but another to miss the box entirely.”

Mitchell is in, Ari is auf’ed.

Ari interviews that someone’s got to be first. And then she mumbles something else, I lose interest, and that’s that.

Here is Christopher’s winning design*:

Anyone want to start up the old Kenley/Alexander McQueen/(Bjork) Pejorska controversy? Just for fun? Cowards.

Realistically, I’ve gotta tell ya that 16 is waaayyy too many designers to start with. I can’t help but suspect that the production company is padding the cast in case Johnny turns to goo or they have to boot someone else for cheating, as in seasons past. I smell double eliminations to come.

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com

Three Days Till Runway

Korto misses Jerrel. But not that much.

Leanne says “it’s pretty awesome” that it’s all girls – a PR first, but she will keep fighting until she’s the last person standing on that stage.

Kenley talks about how she hasn’t seen or pretty much spoken with her family in about 2 years, and something about them not being there for her. Or something. Not that I blame them or anything.

Bluefly.com Workroom

Tim comes in and tells them that they are each presenting 10 looks and need to edit 2 looks out of their collections. But drop everything! You’re going to model casting – now!

Korto needs hair because she wants to do big Asian buns. Mmmmm. Dim sum.

Leanne likes the “alienish” look.

Kenley is annoying Leanne by “advising” her on which models to pick. “Ooo. She’s soft. Most of your stuff is soft.” Please.

Hey! That’s Naima, winner of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 4!

Morgan, a model from Season 1, is auditioning. Kenley says that they all know who she is. “If I get her, she’d better not act up.” As in, she’d better not upstage you?

Workroom

Tim comes in to get a sense of their collections.

He starts with Kenley. She pulls out a “tumor” dress (see Ep. 3). Tim is “perplexed by how this big rope strangles the organic nature” of the piece. He says it looks arbitrary and contrived. Kenley, however, back to her old ways, says that she pretty much could give a rat’s ass what Tim thinks – she likes it and she’s leaving it. “My decisions are final and I’m done with it.” So much for appreciating Tim’s input. Tim moves on to asking her about her signature piece. She says that she’s putting Topacio in the wedding dress. Tim reminds her that it will be in front of the judges again. She tells him that the judges loved it, so she’s not worried. “Really? Is that your interpretation from yesterday?” “Isn’t it yours?” “Well, no.” “What was it, then?” “I know that they marveled at your execution, but…” “But what? They called me a knockoff? They’ve done that four times to me, already, and I’m sick of it. It’s insulting.” “Alright, just take responsibility for the decision.” Oh my god! Tim just rolled his eyes as he walked away from her! He is going to be delighted to see the back of Kenley, finally… as will I, dear friends.

Tim moves on to Korto. Korto recalls that Heidi said she wouldn’t be caught dead in the bridesmaid’s dress – or the wedding dress, for that matter, and asks Tim if he thinks she should chuck it. “I wouldn’t dream of telling you that.” “I’m going to have to stand by my collection and love it.”

On to Leanne. She’s thinking of editing out a blue top that goes with white pants, but it’s her only pants. Tim encourages her to include the pants, but they’re not finished. Leanne interviews that she’s got a lot of work to do, but it has to be perfect.

As Tim is about to leave, Kenley calls him over and says that she’s had a change of heart (relatively speaking) and won’t put Topacio in the wedding dress after all.

Korto has decided to chuck the wedding dress and to take another dress out, as well. She doesn’t want to have that conversation with Nina again about “overdesigning.” She’s going to make two new looks. Wow.

Two Days Till Runway

Our girls are going to meet with Collier Strong to consult about the makeup.

Korto’s inspiration is nature. Kenley wants cherry-red lips, almost pink. She wants the models to look like porcelain dolls. Leanne’s inspiration is the ocean. She wants something really modern. Because that’s how she rolls.

Back to the workroom to fit their models. Oh, look – there’s Amanda!

Leanne is fitting…. oh shoot! What is that model’s name? The African girl from the first 2 seasons of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. I’m really impressed… who knew any of these girls would actually work – outside of reality television shows, anyway. Oh, wait.

Korto’s beginning to panic, because she’s still not quite done with her first “new” look, and she hasn’t even started on the second. “I’m not leaving without a fight.”

One Day Till Runway

Tresemme hair consultation. Playing with hair. Korto wants 2 buns – one large, one small. Pork and shrimp?

More fittings and alterations.

Tia brings her tiny dog who promptly poops on the floor. Leanne says: “Okay, now go poop on Kenley’s and Korto’s collections.” We hear Kenley: “You’d better keep that [fucking] dog away from my …” While wearing the evening gown, Tia cleans up the dog poop and Leanne tells her to just not get any on the gown. Yeeesh!

It’s nearly 11:00 pm, and Tim comes in and asks them to “gather round, because this will be our last ‘gather round.’” He tells them the order of the show will be Kenley first, Korto second, and Leanne third. He’s just “so incredibly proud.”

Day of the Final Runway Show

It’s half-past dark outside and the girls are all getting ready to go. Kenley interviews about how last year she sneaked into one of the tents and promptly got kicked out. Hee!

They all interview in their own ways about how excited they are to be showing at Bryant Park and they want it, they deserve it, etc., etc.

Korto welcomes her helpers (design students) and thanks them for their assistance. See? Class.

Kenley tells her helpers that she doesn’t need anything right now, but she’ll let them know. She interviews that no one touches her stuff but her – they don’t know how to iron painted fabric – she’s the only one who does that. She’s ironing and straightening and fussing and dropping stuff on the floor, and we see her helpers in the background just standing around with their arms crossed. No class.

One Hour Till Runway

Leanne was going to put Tia in an off-the-shoulder outfit, but it has magically grown overnight and has become huge and floppy on her. She decides to put Tia in the blue gown.

It’s showtime, people!

Everyone interviews in their own ways about how beautiful their models are, how tired they are, how much they’ve accomplished, and how they’re going to win this.

The Runway

Okay, I am not putting up 30 pictures, people.

Anyway, Heidi welcomes the crowd. Introducing the judges, Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, and an empty chair. Jennifer Lopez was going to be the guest judge, but supposedly injured her foot and canceled at the last minute. What? Like you can’t sit on a chair with an injured foot, JLo? No class.

Heidi announces that the fill-in guest judge is: Tim Gunn!

Cut to the faces of the designers backstage. Kenley says – out loud – “Are you kidding? Okaaay, maybe I should have improved my attitude.” Ya think? Manipulative bitch.

First out is Kenley, who says that she was inspired by painting and fantasy and Alice In Wonderland (which is like, one of my all-time favorite stories and, considering the source, I’m taking it as a slam), that this is her fantasy wardrobe, and that she loves her family and thanks them for their support (wait a minute… see above. Huh?) Her father looks bewildered. Jeez! Her sister looks just like her. Bet she’s a royal pain in the ass, too.

Next is Korto, who talks about how all this is for her daughter. “Enjoy it! Don’t I look hot?”

She put Amanda in one of the new dresses that she just whipped up, and we can read Nina’s lips: “That’s fabulous. I like that.”

Two more ANTM alumni! Damn! That’s Dani (Danielle), the winner of Cycle 8(?) in the second green mini, and wasn’t that Bianca in the first green dress? Okay, I admit that I first thought it was Bree (granola bar girl).

Last – but certainly not least – is Leanne. “I love my collection… I suffered and slaved, yada yada yada.” Honestly, girl! Ditch the big black-rimmed glasses and style yourself, for a change!

>Sigh!< Show’s over. You know, I love the runway shows most of all. And it’s over so quickly. Ah, well.

Fern Mallis is complimenting Kenley! Arrrgggh! Oompa-loompa-licious is back and restored to his bright orange vigor! Leanne: “Buy my clothes so I can make my mortgage payment!”

Congratulations, Korto! You’re the Fan Favorite and win $10,000!

Judging

Lots of discussion between the 4 judges about this being “the year of the women”, “clear, palpable points of view,” etc.

Kenley: The judges heap heaps of praise on her for her painting, impeccable fitting, and on and on, and leave it to Nina to bring up that the floral painted dress looked like it was from a Balenciaga collection. Hah! MK and Nina tell Kenley that it is necessary to know what’s out there. Kenley responds, rather snottily, “You guys have told me that before, so yeah, I guess I’m going to have to do some research.” Benefit of the doubt, eh?

Korto: They love the way she incorporates her heritage and culture without the clothes coming off as costumes. The long green finale dress with the asymmetrical halter top is their favorite. They do criticize her for overdecoration and overdesigning. What do you want, people?

Leanne: Divine workmanship; appreciate the variety of looks; it all worked together and showed things they’d never seen before, such as the petals. But, there were a lot of them. MK is afraid she’s going to become known as “Petals Marshall.” Sounds like a stripper. Oops! He agrees with me. >Snort!< Is she a one-note?

For the umpteenth time, Heidi asks them each why she should be the winner. Kenley has passion, Korto has more inside her, Leanne is modern, new, and over half of her collection was made with “sustainable materials.” What? Like cork? That would be interesting, wouldn’t it? A Cork Collection… I’m thinking Moet.

Judges

Kenley: Cohesion, almost couture-like. Evocative of other designers. She needs to take a fashion history class, Tim generously suggests.

Leanne: Complicated but simple-looking. Loved that she used sustainable fabrics and it wasn’t “granola-looking.” Concerned about the concentration on “petal architecture.”

Korto: Impressed with her silhouettes and the overall look of the collection. Deceptively simple. Can dress many sizes. That’s a gift. I would take one.

Verdict

Each of them put on a great show, but only one of them can be the winner. Kenley is auf’ed – bright future, etc. Ever gracious in defeat, she’s really sad and crushed. She’s a true artist. Bleah.

Congratulations Leanne!

Heidi tells Korto that she’s very talented and has the ability to dress everyone. Korto interviews: “Am I sad? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. This is definitely not the last of Korto, but at this moment, my heart is bleeding.” Oh, Korto…doesn’t the ten grand ease the pain a little?

“A hundred thousand dollars, drinks are on this brother.” Leanne? White girl? You in there?

And oh yeah. Tia, you’re a winner, too.

As Leanne turns to leave the runway, Nina says: “We’ll see you again soon.” “Can’t wait!”

And so, my friends – and you are my friends, even though I’m betting there’s not a “Joe the Plumber” among you – we come to the end of another season. I’m sad. Kinda. Sorta. I’ll miss you – stop by now and again and say Hi!

I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank Blogging Project Runway, to whom I think I can safely say, I owe you my PageRank!

See you next Season – whenever, wherever!

Wait! Don’t go……..

Keep in mind here that I am writing this on no food, no water, and no coffee. In fact, I will probably be struck by lightening at some point. Fair warning.

We open on Kenley, Leanne, Korto, and Jerell at the runway. Heidi comes out and tells them that they will each put together a collection of ten looks for New York Fashion Week. They will each get $8,000 and will have 2 months.

She reminds them that only three of them will actually compete – when they return to NY, one of them will be out. She continues that the evening gown was a misstep for them as designers, but with more time and money, they think they will shine.

So, she’s sending them home with one more challenge – They are each to design a wedding dress that represents them as designers and as a reflection of their line.

Korto is annoyed because she thought they were finally going to be free.

I’m annoyed because I’m a quart low.

Tim comes out from behind the scrim and says that he will be checking in on them in the next month. So do it! Heidi: Yes, amaze us! “Come on, Tim. Let’s walk into the sunset.”

The Atlas lobby

Kenley: “Last runway show I was completely sabotaged by all of the other designers, and it sucked. But, bring it on, I’m going to win this thing.” She walks right by Jerell without a word, out the door, and down the street.

Jerell gets up to greet Korto and Leanne. They mockingly look around for Kenley – “There’s someone else.” “I don’t see anyone!” Korto interviews: “Typical Kenley. Rude as hell. I’m glad the judges called her on it. I don’t think it’s going to change her – she’s still going to have that stanky attitude…”

Jerell interviews that he doesn’t know what the girls are going to be doing at home with their $8,000, but he’ll be constructing pure magic.

Leanne interviews that this is her lifetime opportunity and there’s no way she’s going to procrastinate on this.

I really need a cup of coffee.

4 weeks till Fashion Week

Tim is in Little Rock, Arkansas (shout out to my friend, Kelli!) to check on Korto. “Who is it?” Air kisses at the door. “What is this place?” It’s called Park On River and belongs to the City of Maumelle (just NW of Little Rock, for you sticklers out there). The building has some spaces for artists, etc. Korto said she needed a place where she could concentrate, and though she loves her family, she doesn’t think that they fully grok the pressure she’s under right now.

Korto tells Tim that she was scared by his visit. He says: “Oh, don’t be scared. I’m friend, not foe… You know me.” Korto says that the inspiration for her collection is culture and nature and ethnic. She wanted it to be ethnic without being too ethnic. Her own original beadwork is incorporated.

The green is her favorite. Tim looks at it and says that the shape of it bothers him – it seems a little sexual. Kind of a snatch shot. Tim!

They move on to her wedding dress. She says it’s not traditional and is the color of her wedding dress when she got married (kind of a beige-y taupe-y color). It’s got a lot of tucks and ripples in the detailing. She says that she’s not going to have a headpiece or a train, and Tim says that it needs something that says wedding, not red carpet, but that it’s sensational and just stunning. Korto tells him that it’s been giving her nightmares.

Korto takes Tim home to meet her (very!) adorable husband and (very!) adorable little girl, and some friends. She wants to give him a little bit of Arkansas and a little bit of Africa. Her friends are introducing themselves, and one woman’s name is Star. Tim: “Star! There’s only one star in this household!” as he puts his arm around Korto. Awww. That’s sweet.

She then introduces her “drumming partner” and tells Tim that she’s performing for him. Gee, that’s pretty good. Korto voices over that she was born in Liberia in west Africa, and that it’s important to her to maintain a connection with her roots. Her family escaped during their civil war and her father, having been a government official, couldn’t go back or he’d be executed. Listen, Korto. I’ve had conversations with people who’ve been to Liberia recently. I’ve seen pictures. Trust me, Sweetie, you’re not missing anything. They didn’t have anything when they got here. They had to go on welfare and start from scratch. “Just because you’re down on the ground, doesn’t mean you have to stay there.” She wants to show her daughter that whatever she wants to be, she can be it.

As he leaves, Tim gives Korto’s daughter a lesson in air-kissing.

Caffeine deprivation headache setting in. Must. Lie. Down.

Okay, where were we? Oh, yes.

3-1/2 weeks till Fashion Week

Tim is in Portland, Oregon to see Leanne.

Leanne says that she loves her collection, but she’s really nervous about Tim’s reaction. Is he going to love it? Is he going to hate it?

After returning from New York, Leanne went to the waterfront and sketched for a few days and got the idea of doing wave patterns. Tim is concerned with the super white color in the collection. She says that she’ll probably do some dyeing (or was that, dying) to make the collection more cohesive. Tim suggests that her wedding dress doesn’t have the same ease and flow as the other pieces. It looks like a white dress with a bunch of those wave things stuck on it. She says that she’s going to make some changes.

Leanne is taking Tim for a bike ride (“I have to check my medical insurance first.”) It’s a bicycle built for two! How cute is that. She’s taking Tim to a park in the middle of the city.

Leanne wanted to be a designer since she was 12. She was a dancer and began designing her own costumes. “I was always drawing. I had a crayon in my hand from the moment I could pick one up. I was always drawing dresses. And then I thought, hey! I could have a job as a fashion designer when I grow up.” And when you do grow up, Leanne, you might want to think about doing something with your hair. You look like you’re still 12. A little makeup would kill you?

I would kill for a cup of coffee right now.

3 weeks till Fashion Week

Next, Tim goes to LA to visit Jerell. Jerell is very excited to see Tim and to show him the collection.

It’s pretty much an evening collection. There’s lots of embellishment and mixing textures. He shows Tim the wedding dress. Um. This really isn’t very pretty. Jerell wanted to do an “asymmetrical, swooping kind of thing”. There’s this really ugly flap at the top. Tim tells him it looks like something popped out. And it flaps. Tim suggests that he give it some stability, and when he separates it, lo and behold! There’s a dark beaded, almost bustier kind of insert. It’s shiny. Jerell interviews that Tim didn’t think it needed to be quite so asymmetrical at the top, “… and I think it speaks to who I am as a designer.” Uh, oh. Have you learned nothing, Jerell?

Tim checks out the rest of Jerell’s collection. “That’s a lot of look.” Tim thinks Jerell should start thinking about editing. Jerell appears a little disappointed. Tim asks if he can still meet Jerell’s family and friends.

Jerell grew up in South Central LA. His mother said she always knew he would have something to do with creativity. Jerell relates that when he was 4, he cut the bottom off of a tube sock, and “oh, there’s a dress with a train.” I’m thinking he needed to get out of South Central LA before the other kids found out. That’s a tough neighborhood. There was a lot of gang violence, the riots started about 2 blocks from where they lived and liquor store next door was burned down. His dad was a truck driver and was on the road all the time during his childhood. Jerell tears up when says that he appreciates his parents’ sacrifices to get him and his sister out of there and give them a better opportunity.

He interviews that being this close to Bryant Park, not making it is not even an option. “I’ve come this far and there’s no turning back.”

2-1/2 weeks till Fashion Week

Tim goes to Brooklyn to visit Kenley. She hopes that he loves her line that she works so hard on. She says that she values Tim’s opinion, even though it doesn’t look like it. Her grandmother was in fashion in the 40’s and “had a ridiculous style.” She was fun-loving and carefree and influenced Kenley’s style. I couldn’t tell. She gets emotional talking about how her grandmother just passed away a couple of months ago. Kenley was inspired by Alice In Wonderland and painting the roses, so she painted her fabrics. The one Tim pulls off the rack is silk. I hate to admit it, but it’s gorgeous. She shows him another piece that she’s trimmed with ropes wound around the neck. “Talk to me about the ropes.” “I’m into ropes!” Tim keeps thinking of people hanging themselves. Perhaps Kenley?

Tim loves her wedding dress – it’s spectacular. It really is. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Maybe it should be the grand finale?” “Well, yeah!” Kenley is very happy and hugs Tim. “Suddenly I think that I have a huge chance of winning.” I am, however, uncomfortably reminded of Bjork, the Icelandic singer/songwriter who wore this to the 2001 Oscars to great fame and derision:I would kill Kenley for a cup of coffee.

6 days till Fashion Week

Ooo, very nice! They put them up in the Presidential suite at the Westin Hotel, Times Square.

Korto is the first to arrive. “It’s too quiet in here – I need some roommates.” She thinks about the last time she saw Kenley and says that someone is going to have to room with her – she just hopes it’s not her.

To Korto’s relief, Leanne arrives next. “I was praying you would be here next.” Leanne takes her stuff into one of the bedrooms: “I’d better go mark my territory.” “Yeah, go pee on it.” Has Korto been watching America’s Next Top Model?

Jerell shows up next. “I’m hoping Korto and Leanne will be the ones joining me at the tents, but I guess we’ll see – I don’t know.” “We’re so sorry.” “Why? What happened?” “Well, let’s just say you go to your room and find out.” Jerell checks out the other bedroom. “Oh, I’m going to be staying with Kenley, Yaay!” “Don’t worry – we’ll come check on you.” “You might be checking on me on the couch.”

Kenley is the last to arrive. “Hi!” Everyone is very tense because they’re not sure what to expect. “Listen I’m sorry about being such a bitch. I just want to be cool with everyone.” She interviews that “It’s not really worth being mad at people I’m never going to see again. I’m not thinking about them at all. I’m thinking about getting to Bryant Park.” I don’t know, Kenley. Are you planning to continue in the fashion industry? Do you not still have some contractual obligations with Bravo? Then you know, you just might see these people again. A lot. For years.

The doorbell rings and it’s room service with champagne and goodies! There’s a note from Tim, telling them to relax and enjoy and he would see them in the morning.

Kenley pops a bottle of bubbly. Mmmm. Moet. My favorite. If any of you chooses to take note.

Right now, some Dunkin Donuts coffee sounds even better. Mmmm…

Jerell interviews that the mood in the room lightened after Kenley’s apology, but there’s still underlying tension.

Next morning

They arrive at their work room and begin unpacking their collections. Jerell tells the girls to finish unpacking and he would be by to critique them.

Tim comes in and asks them to “gather round.” He welcomes them to the Bluefly.com Studio. He reminds them that only three of them will compete at Bryant Park. And to decide which one would be eliminated, there will be one more challenge. “I was pissed – we were all pissed” says Kenley. The challenge will be to design a bridesmaid’s dress to coordinate with the wedding gown they made for what they thought would be their final challenge. I could have told you that.

Tomorrow they will present their wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses to the judges. The budget is $150 and they’re off to Mood. They have until midnight to complete the dress.

Leanne says that she is using the opportunity to show more color.

Korto says that she hopes she doesn’t snap on anyone. Kenley replies that she can go ahead and give it to her, because she already has – at the last runway show. Korto says that was because Kenley called her boring. Kenley says that at least she didn’t say that she didn’t deserve to go on because of her personality. Well!

Korto interviews that Kenley is good in her book until she pisses her off again. Which could be at any time.

Jerell – bridesmaids’ dresses are butt-ugly.

Korto – It’s alright for your bridesmaids to be cute, ladies.

Tim’s Walkabout

Kenley: Fun and upbeat.

Jerell – looks sloppy – puckering. Don’t fight mother nature – or Nina Garcia.

Leanne – it will be cuter [if it were] shorter.

Korto – He sees 2 wedding dresses. “At this point, I see them in competition.”

Tim: “It is critically important that you can stand by your creations… Don’t make any decisions that you’re not confident about.” He’s so proud and begins tearing up. “I really care about you.”

Korto is starting to freak out because she has a lot to do and there are only 4 hours left till midnight.

I’m freaking out because, well…

4 days till Fashion Week

This is it – the elimination.

Korto shortened her bridesmaid dress. “I’m going to use my time very wisely.”

Tim is sending in the models.

Kenley thought she was the only one making a short bridesmaid dress. She’s really pissed off that Korto and Leanne did, too.

Leanne loves seeing her wedding dress on Tia.

Korto – Somebody’s dream is going to be ruined.

Runway

Heidi: “These 2 looks will determine which 3 of you will compete at Bryant Park.” Heidi, Michael and Nina are the only judges.

Jerell:

Korto:


Leanne:


Kenley:

Judging

Leanne: MK – this is so chic, beautifully crafted. Fabric is interesting, modern, dreamy, you. Love the bridesmaid dress. Fantastic job.

Jerell: MK likes the wedding dress from the empire waist down. Looks a bit messy. The bridesmaid dress is “mumsy”(?).

Kenley – The wedding dress is a little Alexander McQueen. But done beautifully. The bridesmaid dress is cute. Heidi thinks it’s crazy good.

Korto – Heidi wouldn’t want to be the bride in that dress. The bride is overworked and bridesmaid is underworked.

Judges

Leanne – loves all that architectural work. Able to do the modern with the romantic.

Kenley – would be a fun wedding. Kooky and meticulous at the same time. The wedding dress would be an awesome finale dress.

Korto – overkill. Bridesmaid was boring.

Jerell: overwrought by 20,000. All he does is embellish things.

Verdict

Leanne and Kenley will compete at Fashion Week.

Korto – the dresses did not relate to each other.

Jerell – look was garish and too much

Korto – is in. Jerell is auf’ed!

“Tear it up, Girls. If you want a basic white tee, get it from Michael Kors. (Ouch! Just a tad bitter, are we, Jerell?) I see when I’m 80 years old being invited to the Met for a retrospective of my work.”

Discussion

I’ve noticed that there has been some heated debate on the interwebs on the subject of Kenley’s wedding dress. Some people feel that she stole the idea from Alexander McQueen, especially since MK noted that he saw something quite similar in Alexander McQueen’s show at Fall Fashion Week. I don’t know where they got their photo, but I borrowed this from LaLateNews to show you the side-by-side.

I’m not sure. Would Kenley be that ballsy? She has been called on being derivative before. So what do you think? And again, let’s compare:

Could we not just as easily say that Alexander McQueen stole his idea from Marjan Pejoski?

Next week: The Final Finale! Which they scheduled directly opposite the third and last presidential debate. Nice timing! So, I think it’s safe to say that next week’s recap will be late, too. Apologies in advance.

Now, where’s my damn coffee!?!

Nature Calls

Open on our kids making their beds and getting ready for a brand new day. The last day for one of them. (Cue evil laugh).

Korto is brushing her teeth in the kitchen sink. Eww. She interviews that she’s 33 and the oldest in group. She’s got a husband and child and is grateful for a second chance to make her life what she wants it to be.

Leanne says to Kenley that she’s so glad that they’re finally down to the top 4. Kenley is ignoring her. Leanne interviews that, “Honestly, Kenley should have been eliminated awhile ago. She’s been disrespectful to all of us – she’s been downright rude.”

Kenley’s not speaking to Leanne. She thinks Leanne sabotaged her at runway, last week, and made her outfit look foolish. Personally, I don’t think she needed any help in that respect. “I’m not interested in even trying to pretend that I like her.” Why have I not noticed before that Kenley is wearing one of those feather – what does Miz Shoes call them? – “fascinators” things in her hair with a ponytail and tee-shirt?

Jerrell is the only guy left and has no one to talk to. He’s sitting on the floor with a Tim Gunn bobblehead, a syrup bottle an apple and a grapefruit, bidding farewell to Joe and Suede. As he walks out the door: “Later Joe… Later Suede… Don’t rot on the counter…”

Parson’s

Heidi appears on the runway for model elimination. Really – what’s the point? Korto, as last week’s winner, stays with Katerina. Sefara is out.

Tim is waiting in lobby to take them on a field trip.

Kenley whines that she had a hard time in the last challenge, so she’s hoping that this time it’s something that she actually does.

In the van, Tim asks the designers what they think the challenge will be. Korto says she thinks it will be “evening / wedding – something in that arena.” Jerell says that the twist will be that their client will be Hedda Lettuce.

New York Botanical Garden

They seem overwhelmed by the experience of actual fresh air and sunshine.

Leanne says: “Oh no, we’re going to have to make a dress out of flowers.” You know, I really loved that challenge from Season 2. That was creative!

But no, their challenge is to create an evening gown using nature as their muse. Yes, I guess it’s too late in the day to ask for anything actually fun. For us, I mean. This will be the traditional “Oh My God This Is The Last Cut So I’ll Disappoint The Judges With A Safe And Boring Long Dress That Has Nothing To Do With My Actual Personal Style Challenge”.

Kenley says that the place is huge and they’re surrounded by all these crazy, bright, vibrant colors all around, and that they all feel like they’re in The Wizard of Oz. We now know that fresh air and sunshine work like LSD on Kenley.

They see Collier Strong – consulting makeup artist of L’Oreal Paris. Tim says “Don’t be afraid.” Collier is there to officially announce that this is the “Oh My God This Is The Last Cut So I’ll Disappoint The Judges With A Safe And Boring Long Dress That Has Nothing To Do With My Actual Personal Style Challenge” – inspired by nature.

They each get a camera and they have an hour to wander around to find their inspiration.

Jerell takes inspiration from everything in life. He finds some old-fashioned roses in hues of pinks and reds and plums.

Leanne plays tag with the bees. They’re like her favorite credit card – everywhere she wants to be (be / bee – get it? Fine.) She finally runs across some lavender-colored flower that inspires her with its structure and layers.

Korto finds a “flamenco” flower. This area reminds her of her mother’s garden in Africa. “I’m gonna win this one for my mama.”

Kenley is in her element, surrounded by all the florals she could ever hope for. “This challenge is perfect for me.”

Back to Parsons

They have 30 minutes to choose one photo to be their inspiration and will get $250 to spend at Mood for this L’Oreal Paris Challenge.

Miss “I’ve got to throw some ugly-ass floral print into everything I make” Kenley chooses a purple coleus. A leaf. Go figure.

Mood

Kenley finds a fuschia snakeskin textured fabric to mimic the texture in the coleus leaf.

Tim asks Jerell pointedly about some horrible lemon/lime dayglow sequin-y fabric he had chosen. Jerell re-examines his choice. “There’s such a fine line between elegant and low-class.” Um, I don’t think the line is quite that fine, Jerell, and that shit’s fugly.

There’s a pile of black tulle on the counter with a ticket on it. Korto looks at it and asks no one in particular “Is this somebody’s stuff?” And then they all leave.

Back at Parsons – 6:00 p.m.

They will have until midnight tonight & all day tomorrow to work.

They all talk about their fabrics, their designs, their flowers, yada yada yada…

It’s now 11:10 on the old clock on the wall

Kenley – “Did I have another Mood bag?”

Jerell – “I think you only had one.”

“I’m missing my tulle. I’m going to kill myself.” Well, please be quick about it so we can just move along to the finals. Okay? And don’t make a mess in the workroom while you’re at it. The custodial staff gets very upset about that sort of thing.

“Well, I’ve got to move on, so I’m using drafting paper. I’m freaking out right now.” Everyone smiles at her discomfiture. So am I.

Jerell : “I do have tulle that I’m not going to use, but Kenley’s a one-trick pony and I’m not assisting her in any way. She threw her eyes on that tulle sitting on my table and it’s not gonna happen like that.”

Korto: “I’m probably not using mine, either. I can’t feel bad for Kenley. She’s rude to Heidi, she’s rude to Tim. When you have an ugly attitude it just makes you ugly, and it makes everything you make ugly. I don’t feel sorry for her.”

Jerell : “I can’t wait to see how this all pans out – I’m going to stay tuned.”

Hee.

Day Two

Jerell goes to the girls’ apartment and asks Korto if she’ll do his makeup, too. Kenley’s not in the mood to talk to any of the other designers. Nobody gives a shit.

Parsons

Kenley’s angry at herself and asks if Jerell’s tulle is for sale. He says no, his tulle’s not for sale – he thinks he’s going to use it to fill out his taffeta. Liar, liar, pants on fire! Korto shoots him a look and rolls her eyes.

Tim comes in and asks how they’re doing. Kenley tells Tim that she left her tulle at Mood and he tells her that if it’s on her receipt, he doesn’t want her to be handicapped and she can go back and get it later.

Tim sends in the models for fittings.

Collier Strong comes in to consult on makeup.

The cool kids are on one side of the room, chatting, and Kenley: “It’s just me on one side of the room and the other three designers on the other side… It’s been like that my whole life. I don’t know why.” Because you’re a loud, rude, obnoxious bitch. That’s why. Oh, was that a rhetorical question?

Kenley’s off to Mood to retrieve her tulle. She interviews that she was taught to be tough. Her father was a tugboat captain and she spent half her childhood on water, far away from land, where she could be as loud and obnoxious as she wanted to be (her words), and that it probably had some bearing on who she is today. Yeah. A loud, rude, obnoxious bitch. Have we not yet made the association?

“I’m not worried about people understanding me. I yam who I yam (said Popeye), and I want to go to Bryant Park. I deserve to be there… ‘cause my line will be the best.” Snickering.

Tim does his walkabout

Korto – “You have got to talk to me about that lace. It’s really sleek and 2008 in the front and Catherine the Great in the back.”

Kenley: “…looking more like fish scales than floral.” “Really? Cool. That’s what I’m going for. I’m feeling really great about this. I love it.” She was completely complimented when Tim says that it looks like fish scales.

Jerell – responds positively to the layers but it’s looking unfinished, but has the potential to blow everyone’s socks off.

Leanne – Looking very Hello Dolly.

“I’m so proud of all of you, so work, work, work.”

Morning of Runway Show

Everyone is stressed out and on more than the verge of tears. It’s all coming to an end and they’re starting to crack under the pressure.

Korto: “I just wish everyone the best from the bottom of my heart.”

Leanne: “I know. I wish everyone the best, too.”

Lying bitches.

Parsons

Tim: This is the last runway show… I’m sending in the models and you have one hour, etc.

Jerrel: “That suit is cut great, Tim.” “Thank you.” Suck-up.

What a surprise – Kenley doesn’t like anything that anyone else did. Stop the presses!

Ten minutes – “They’re still sewing and ironing in there…”

Leanne: “This is not going to be my best work.” Um, may I point out that this would be the wrong time to not bring out your best, people?

The Bravo Question

Would you have given Kenley your extra fabric?

A. Why? She’s a pain
B. Sure, it’s good karma

Guess which one wins.

Runway

Jerell’s roses:

Kenley’s coleus:
Korto’s flamenco flower:
Leanne’s lavender:

Judging

There are 4 left, but only 3 will earn the right to go to fashion week. The guest judge is Georgina Chapman, co-founder & designer of Marchesa. Oooo. Score!

Korto – flamenco flower. The shape is very flattering, well-made. MK thought it was pageant. Questioning the fabric choice. Doesn’t come off as sophisticated. Threw too much in there and went too far to impress us.

Leanne – inspired by lavender plant – wanted to recreate the structure of the lavender plant. Nina pleasantly surprised to see her working with something soft. Bustle was a problem.

Jerell – Heidi wanted to yank the top up. True – even his model is holding her arms very close to her sides to keep the top up. A little messy. MK – “It’s off in a way that intrigues me.”

Kenley – Doesn’t look very organic. Looks scaly and creepy. Doesn’t look young, cool, hip at all. MK said he wrote cliché. The petals don’t look elegant. “I wasn’t going for elegant, Heidi.” Heidi starts in on Kenley getting all defensive anytime she’s criticized, which of course, Kenley argues – defensively. Nina tells her that it’s true – when she gets all flippant and smug, they wonder “does she really give a damn?” MK: “You wouldn’t be standing here if we didn’t love what you do. We’re fans, we want it to be fabulous.”

Heidi then asks each of the designers why they should move up and which two of the remaining three should go with them.

Jerell: “This is my dream… I have a lot more to show… blah, blah, tears, choke, choke.” He then goes on to say that while Kenley is “an amazing designer”, the 50’s thing’s been done and he’s seen it all before. Kenley starts arguing with him and he tells her to shut the fuck up and wait her turn. Go Jerell! He continues that Korto, Leanne and he, Jerell, should advance to the tents in Bryant Park.

Leanne: “I’m not going to do a boring show.” Jerell and Korto are on the same level as her and should advance with her.

Korto: “I’m the oldest one here and I still have my dream.” Leanne and Jerell should go with her because of who they are as people.

Kenley: “Well now that I’ve been trashed – I take the most risks here.” “I feel like I’ve been fighting my way through life, so it’s force of habit.” She picks Leanne and Jerell. “I don’t think classic puts on a show and people want to see a show at Bryant park.” Did she just pick her nose on the runway?

Korto calls out Kenley in the waiting room: “I’ve got to say, Kenley, everytime you have to defend yourself, you’ve got to ‘dog out’ what I do.” “They forced me to.” “Nobody forced you to do nothing.” “Okay, I’m sorry!” “No you’re not. You’re not sorry. I didn’t ‘dog’ you out.” “Oh, really?” “No, I didn’t. I didn’t say one word about you.” “Look, I just went through what you went through times ten, okay? So don’t.” “Don’t what? I’m going to say what I have to say and I’m going to speak my mind.” Silence.

Judges

[The designers] are all scared so close to the end.

Leanne – softer Leanne. Really helped her. Definitely has a signature. MK thought the ruching and structure was sad and somber.

Jerell – most intriguing. Need to see polished show at Bryant Park, not a mess.

Korto – pageant and bridal. But she’s not afraid of color; it was every cliché of an evening dress.

Kenley – total loss of taste. Didn’t see the flirty florals. Aside from her designs, Kenley’s attitude is an issue – “…with an attitude like that, what is she going to do when a buyer says they don’t like that sleeve? Take out a knife and kill them?” Would it surprise you? Heidi says that she’s made interesting and outrageous things in the past, and she’s interested to see what she would show.

MK: “They’re all so distinct, and isn’t the most exciting fashion show for the finale, one that shows different points of view?”

The Verdict

“This was the closest runway show we’ve ever had to judge.”

Leanne and Jerell had the highest scores. Kenley and Korto the lowest. Jerell is the winner – just barely.(!)

Of course, the judges couldn’t decide on a loser so all 4 will create collections for Bryant Park, BUT still, only 3 of them will compete for the win. When they return to New York, one of them will be out – including possibly Jerell (!)

Tim: “Group hug, everybody.” Kenley sits there. “Kenley, let bygones by bygones.” Kenley sits there. She interviews: “I’m really happy that we’re getting a second chance to compete. But it’s a little annoying that the other 3 designers hate me. It just makes me want to win even more and beat these other designers to the ground.” Kenley, you have a call – it’s the U.N. on line 2.

Next week: Tim does looksees, everyone’s back in NY, and the final elimination! Whew! Don’t the producers know it’s Erev Yom Kippur?

****

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Okay, I’m getting off my soapbox… for now.

Rock ‘n Runway

Open on everyone pasting themselves together for another day. Now that it’s closer, Korto can smell Bryant Park. Guess they haven’t cleared out the trash, yet. Or maybe it’s Kenley’s attitude?

Leanne: “It would be really cool to have it be all girls, but Jerell is really talented, so he’ll just have to wear a wig. Maybe.”

Parsons.

Heidi tells the designers that they are going to “re-pick” their models. There are now 8 models and 5 designers, so 3 will have to go. Jerell, having won last week, has first pick and stays with Nicole.

Kenley chooses Topacio, Joe’s previous model. Leanne steals Tia. She loves Caroline but felt Tia is a real asset and that she gave Suede an advantage. This is a far more shrewd move than even Leanne knows, as we shall see soon enough.

“Suede is going to have to kill Leanne.” Kenley tells Leanne that she’s a heartbreaker. More like a ballbreaker. Oh, this is way more like it, people! Model theft! Finally, a little drama!

Suede takes Sefara, and Korto takes Katerina.

Workroom.

Tim: “I can count you all on one hand!”

In this challenge, they will be designing for each other. Oh, great! So after all the model drama, they don’t even get to use the freaking models! I’d like to know how this is a competition for the models, if they don’t even get to walk for most of the season.

Suede will design for Jerell. “Suede’s okay with this. I’m going to win and Suede’s getting Tia back!” Dreamer.

Kenley is designing for Leanne; Korto is designing for Suede; Jerell for Kenley; Leanne for Korto.

And there’s more! – they must each create for their “client” an outfit inspired by a specific musical genre and explore the relationship music has to fashion. This should be cool.

And the musical genre is assigned by button bag!

Kenley is Pop. She thinks pop is cheesy. So do I, but I’m liking it more and more at the moment.

Suede is Punk. Korto interviews that her fear was to make menswear.

Korto is Country. She rolls her eyes: “Just gets better and better and better.”

Leanne is Hip Hop and Jerell gets Rock ’n Roll.

They have one hour to meet. The budget is $150 and they have till 1:00 am to finish.

Korto consults with Suede on his rock look: “If you have anything along the way that you have problems with, I would prefer that you tell me to my face before Tim comes in, ‘cause I don’t want to have to snap on you in front of Tim.” Yes, ma’m.

Kenley asks Leanne what she would want to wear for hip hop, and Leanne says “Gangster.” Kenley: “I don’t want to make gangster.”

Leanne goes into a little rap – “If she’s designing an outfit for me, she better not make it look like 1950.” Don’t quit your day job. Oh, that’s right. You don’t really have one. Go ahead, smack me now.

Kenley says that “everyone is wearing high-waisted jeans right now and they’re awesome.” You know, I realize I’m kind of out of touch with much of today’s culture, but I am out in the world just about everyday, and I can’t think of any of the hip hop looks I see in the street that even come close to high-waisted jeans. I’m just sayin’. Yeah, some of the “stars” are wearing them, but you know, if pants aren’t your thing to start with, and you can go a different direction (like a mini-skirt with treatment, for instance), why would you go there?

Jerell tells Suede that he wants a big-ass high collar and a big cape. I think he’s kidding. Suede is worried that if he comes out with something 1980’s that Kiss would wear…well…

Jerell tells Kenley that he’s going to turn her into “Kenley Spears.” Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Leanne: “Korto is definitely not country.” Korto: “Can I have some cleavage?” “Sure.” Kenley, being her rude little self, barges over waving a pair of shoes, and interrupts Leanne and Korto, “Can you try these on?” Korto: “Your 30 minutes were up 30 minutes ago. “Come on, you can’t try these on?” “No. I’m gonna hip hop on you in a minute.”

Mood.

Tim: as the designers race by, “…and they’re off!”

Jerell: “I’m going to make Kenley into a little pop diva. Everything is going to be stretchy and netty and sparkly.” Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Kenley has a bolt of some huge ugly-ass floral. Tim: “This is hip hop?” “Sure, it looks like graffiti.” “I don’t get the hip hop factor in the print.” “You’ll see it when it’s done.” “Um, okay.”

Workroom.

They have 12 hours.

Leanne says she wants Korto to look like she’s accepting an award at the Country Music Awards.

Kenley says that it’s her first time making pants on Project Runway. She makes dresses.

Korto: “We all know that floral blouse Kenley’s making ain’t hip hop – it’s damn near country. We’re not going to tell her – we’re just going to let her believe it’s hip hop.” Kenley: “It’ll probably look cute cropped, right?” Oh, please.

Jerell: “Kenley’s in a little bit of trouble. I don’t think there’s anything hip hop in Kenley’s little bag of dresses.”

Jerell is putting his little name sign on the mannequin wearing his winning design of last week and says: “Can I just get a ‘hip – hip – Jerell?’” Korto: “Really, Jerell, how much further do you want to drag this out?”

Jerell interviews that he would really love to win this challenge. Nobody has ever won 3 in a row. For good reason, judging by the size of your head, right about now.

Jerell is making a fishnet mini dress with diamond cups for Kenley. It is “super sexy and not 1954.” Kenley is aghast.

Well, here’s a surprise! “Suede is a classically trained cellist and pianist and definitely not punk rock.” Seriously, I never would have guessed! Maybe it’s the blue pointy hair?!? Suede asks Korto if she wants him to try anything, and she says she’s going to make it out of muslin first – “I’m no fool.” She interviews that she can not even think about going home. “If I have to claim it in the name of Jesus – I’m going to Bryant Park. I can’t think about anything else, I’m sorry.” I swear, if she starts throwing chicken bones and chanting Santeria shit, I’d be very very skerred.

Korto tries on the boots that go with Leanne’s design and suddenly, she’s Dolly Parton.

Jerell is having Kenley try on the dress he made her. “We’re going to see a whole new side of Kenley!” Kenley opines that this shows a lot more parts of her than she would want shown.

Tim does his walkabout.

Jerell – It’s a beautiful silhouette.

Leanne: Is it too subtle?

Korto: Are you doing enough? Looks very basic. Not punk enough.

Suede: Not ramped up enough. You can get away with nearly anything with rock. Suede is afraid of going too far.

Kenley: She sees a lot of hip hop artists are wearing leather jackets and high-waisted jeans. (Again, I ask: Who? Where?) Tim: “Isn’t hip hop oversized?” No, that’s 80’s hip hop!” (As opposed to what? 50’s hip hop? Hmmm. Black leather jacket, tank top, tight jeans… yup. Definitely 50’s hip hop. Or, as they called it back then, “greaser.”) “Okay.” “I know what you think. I’m not going to make her look stupid.” “Kenley, you need to listen. It will benefit you tremendously as a designer… It would help if you removed the sarcasm… you just think I’m being snarky.” Korto interviews: “Kenley comes off as being rude and she’s rude to Tim, and there’s a line you don’t cross. He’s to be respected.” Amen, Sista.

Kenley: “I can’t really listen to Tim at this point, and what does Tim know about hip hop, anyway? (I’m thinking, way more than you do.) Tim thought I was being sarcastic, but I don’t think he really understands me, and I don’t understand him. I definitely know more about hip hop than Tim does.” Hip hop – greaser – it’s all the same to Kenley.

It’s midnight.

Leanne is trying on the pants that Kenley made for her and there’s a “bunching” problem at the crotch. “You’re grabbing my crotch, Kenley,” as Kenley tries to get the fabric to smooth out by sheer force of will. “I don’t think it’s bad enough that they’ll notice.” Leanne: “If our outfit gets called out on the runway, I’m definitely not going to stick up for it. Especially not for someone like Kenley.” Yes, the claws are coming out!

Korto interviews, voice dripping with sarcasm, “Kenley is a hip hop designer… yep. I can – not – wait until tomorrow…” So say we all!

Korto: The denim for the outfit she’s making for Suede is too new, so she goes into the bathroom with a bottle of bleach and the denim pants and the shoes and starts dabbing it all over. Bleach fumes waft through the air. Leanne wonders if Korto is trying to sabotage them by making them inhale the bleach.

Suede: “Something in my gut says the judges are either going to hate this a lot or they’re really going to like it.” Something in my gut is heaving.

Jerell interviews that it has crossed his mind to sabotage Suede – it is a competition.

Kenley feels confident and really loves her outfit. She’s not changing anything about her design based on what Tim said. She thinks it really looks hip hop. “I really do.” I think it’s missing a pack of cigarettes in the sleeve. “I think I nailed it!” No, you didn’t. Will someone please take that fantasy hammer away from her, already?

Morning of the Runway.

Everyone is working away. They have an hour for their own hair and makeup.

Jerell: “Kenley is trying to stuff Leanne into this child-sized ‘hip hop’ outfit…. Oh, yeah, it’s great!” Kenley holds up some earrings: “Hip hop, Jerell?” “Oh, yeah – hip hop.” Korto rolls her eyes.

Jerell: “I’ll let Kenley destroy herself.” I need some evil laughter here. It would also help if Jerell had a moustache to twirl. Props!

Kenley: “Do I look like Britney Spears? The good years?”

Tim: “This will be the most unique show ever on Project Runway.” Meh. They ain’t no drag queens.

Runway:

LL Cool J is the guest judge. Oh, Kenley is in deep shit!

Kenley: “Oh, shit! I got hip hop, and there’s the king of hip hop!”

LL thinks Korto’s Punk look for Suede has a lot of energy.True to his word, Jerell (a former model, let’s not forget!) schlumps down the runway in the “Rock ‘n Roll” look Suede made for him. Suede said he wanted to make something that would be comfortable on stage then transition to the party afterward. Suddenly he’s the Prince of Day-To-Evening. MK: the pants are “expected.” Needed more drama. Heidi: “Do you know who Jerell looks like? Jerell!” At least he’s not wearing a bunch of eucalyptus leaves on his head. Jerell’s Pop look for Kenley: You know, out of everything Jerell has made this season, this is actually my favorite – Jerell says he was going for a Britney Spears/Pussycat Dolls look. Nina thinks she looks like Britney as a brunette. Looks sexy but not vulgar. See, Kenley, this is what “nailed it” looks like.Kenley – She believes that she has designed Hip Hop for Leanne in a “classy and expensive sort of way.” Heidi – Those are really unflattering pants. Does this read “hip hop” to LL? No. Kenley is exasperated. “I could make something luxurious in a few days not one day.” Nina tells her that “everybody’s was hard.” I say, Shut up and quit sassing your betters, bitch!Judges.

So, how do we think they did? Mixed – The hair and makeup helped, but the designs were a little spotty.

Leanne – Needed more “country”. Too subtle. MK: “… a little too much like a woman going out to eat ribs.” A little thoughtless stereotyping there, MK? I think you probably could have come up with a slightly less insensitive analogy, no?
Jerrell – Everyone knew it was pop right away. Love.

Korto – Very cool punk style, jeans fit very well. She nailed that outfit. (See, Kenley? Another example of what “nailed it” looks like. Pay attention.) Suede – Looks like rock ‘n roll going to the grocery store. Too safe. Needed to be “explosive”.

Kenley – Looked like something you’d buy in a mall. Really unattractive jeans. LL thinks they look like “Mom” jeans. The judges think that Kenley was freaked out by this challenge – they were “taking her out of her 50’s prom dress.”

The decision.

The Winner: Korto – finally! She’s so happy – not only did she do a punk outfit, but she did menswear! I am not unhappy. But I still think Jerell should have taken this one – again, I’m betting they just don’t want anyone to win 3 in a row.

However, Jerell is in. Leanne is in. Now, it’s down to Suede and Kenley.

Suede – played it safe. Could have turned up the volume but gave them silence.

Kenley – no glamour, no bravado, missed the attitude of hip hop completely.

Kenley is in (dammit!) – Suede is auf’d!

“I made it to the Top 5 . I can’t be disappointed when I gave it my all… Madonna, I’m ready to dress you up in Suede!” Barf.

Next week: Everyone has a simultaneous nervous breakdown – Looks like fun!

Sorry this is so late. I know, I know. I’m saying that a lot lately. I got sucked into watching Top Design when I saw that Sweet Pea, Andre, Daniel Franco, Santino, and Jeffrey-The-Pinheaded-Shmoo were going to be guesting. Not a single one of them has changed a bit. Except Shmoo is a little thinner and a lot skankier looking. And Daniel seems to be a tad more, um, ethereal(?) than usual…

Ahem!

We open on the designers getting ready for a brand new day. Making beds, putting on makeup, sharpening claws…

Joe is talking to Suede and says that he can’t believe that two are gone. Suede murmurs very quietly: “I know.”

We see the chalkboard where Oompa Loompa Licious has written a farewell message: “Team, I will miss you & love youlicous!” (god! He can’t spell either!)

Suede interviews that he came very close to going home, last time out and that he has to prove himself in this next one.

Kenley is putting on her Betty Boop mask and asks Leanne what she thinks the next challenge will be. “We’re going to make evening gowns for infants.” Logical progression, I think. (Have you seen those hysterical little high heel booties they’re making for infants, now? Start ‘em while they’re young, I always say. Okay, I don’t always say that, but I should start. Now, who’s pregnant? I have to buy these. )

Kenley can’t understand why she was in the bottom, last time. Because the damn thing was a freaking nightmare, bitch! “So, I’m sticking with my strategy of being true to myself as a designer, and not really worrying about what the judges think.” Kenley seems to be a little unclear on the concept of this show. Let me ‘splain it to you, Lucy. See, the judges are the ones who decide if you stay or go, win or lose. Get it?

They all troop off to Parson’s, where Heidi tells them that she has some “special ladies to introduce.” Out marches a procession of, shall we say mature women.

Korto says that when they saw the first person come out from behind the scrim, she thought that it was the “Moms” challenge. “I remember what happened last time, and I don’t want to have to step on nobody because they’re talking about my mama.”

Jerell: “Clearly these are mothers, but I don’t see Korto’s or mine, so I’m wondering what this is all about.” What are you implying, Jerell? That there are no mamas of color on the runway?

Heidi continues that these ladies are an important part of the next challenge, but they will not be designing for them.

Leanne, breathing a way too exaggerated sigh of relief for my taste, interviews that they are relieved, because “none of us wants to design an old lady outfit, to be honest.” Nice, Leanne. Just remember who carries the checkbook, hmmmm?

Next, a procession of young girls walk onto the runway. We think they are from the Our Lady of Perpetual Fashion Tragedy’s “special” class. But no, Heidi tells us that they are recent college graduates about to make their way into the cold, cruel world. Kicked to the curb by these, their loving mothers for head-to-toe makeovers. Holy Crap! Really? They look like my nieces – all over 20, but still look and act like 12 year olds.

Daughters & Mothers:

Anna & Nancy (who sounds like either a drag queen or smoked three packs a day for longer than she’s been alive.)
Megan & Amy
Laura & Janet
Holly & Ellie
Avital & Yaffa
Caitlin & Ellen

By way of button bag, Heidi pairs up the designers and the victims:

Kenley gets Anna (“She has a really cool style, so I’m happy”); Korto gets Megan; Joe gets Laura; Leanne gets Holly; Suede gets Avital; and Jerell gets Caitlin.

In the workroom:

Tim informs the designers that for this Tresemmé challenge, they are engineering the makeovers of the poor young innocents about to appear before them. Accompanied by the mothers – who will no doubt have opinions. Heh. Have you ever known a mother without an opinion about the appearance of their child? Could this be trouble? Lord, I hope so!

They will have 20 minutes to meet, greet and figure out what they’re going to do, then they’ll go shopping with $100. Cheap bastards. Just remember – you get what you pay for.

The mothers and daughters enter the workroom and go to their respective designer’s work spaces. Anna tells Kenley that she told her mom, “Oh good! I got the cute girl”. Way to suck up, kid – you’ll go far! Might even get an outfit that won’t make you look like something you wouldn’t want to move in next door! (Poll leader, so far). Kenley: “I like Anna – she’s sweet. She reminds me of me.” (And it’s working!) Anna’s landed a position as an assistant buyer for women’s accessories. She likes vintage, she likes everything Kenley likes. It’s Kismet!

Megan is telling Korto that she’s in between med school and graduate school and that she likes dresses. Korto says that she’s a hip mom, and knows how to design for a 21 year old. Since Megan is currently working in the school’s lab, she’s going to make her a wrap-dress that will work with a lab coat over it. Seriously. What really works with a lab coat?

Caitlin tells Jerell that she went to school for print-making (They have degrees in that? How did I miss this stuff when I was in school?), which qualfies her for teaching (eye-roll) or artists’ reproductions. She’d like to work for a photographer. Aim high, Caitlin!

Holly is “looking to be an elementary school teacher.” Nice grammar. She tells Leanne that she needs parents to see her as an authority in the classroom and not mistake her for one of the kids. Seriously, she looks like she’s in 8th grade. If you squint. Holly says that the outfit needs to be comfortable, that she can move around in; she likes both dresses and pants. Holly’s mother, Ellie, starts lobbying heavily for a dress, presumably because you don’t have to worry about matching separates. Yeah, but on a school teacher’s salary, don’t you want a lot of pieces you can mix and match to stretch that wardrobe budget? JMHO. Ellie asks Leanne if she does anything with animal prints and Leanne says that no, she doesn’t. Holly says that her mother would buy anything with animal prints on it. Uh oh.

We move on to Suede and Avital. Avital is a photographer and wants something that looks professional but comfortable enough to schlep around her equipment. “She seems very interested in pants, which is not Suede’s thing, but she’s my client and I need to make her happy, so I’m going to have to probably go down that pant road.” Yaffa: “And very feminine.” Avital: “Not too feminine.”

Laura has not yet found a job, but studied to be a grapic designer. And what does Joe believe that a 23 year old graphic designer should interview in? Why a 1980′s blue pinstripe suit, of course! I’m sorry, Joe. I’m afraid this will be your end, dear. MJ is very very sad.

At Mood:

Korto picks up a burlap-y kind of beige fabric and some leather. “Leatha. With Stella gone, I am now the Queen of Leatha.”

Suede searches for, and god help us, finds “a Pucci-esque print in purple.” I am speechless.

Joe has decided that Laura needs a skirt suit and heads to the menswear fabrics to pick out a classic navy pinstripe. Um, I’m not entirely sure that’s what she meant by “professional, but sexy.”

Ready for your episode shocker? Are you sitting down? Kenley is heading for the prints! OMG!

Here’s something I never noticed before. Mood has a mascot dog named Swatch! I just thought I’d throw that in there. It could come in handy sometime.

Back at Parsons:

They have until midnight, then all day tomorrow.

Leanne interviews that her first job was for a small clothing designer and that’s when she decided that she wanted to design for herself.

Joe interviews that he got the the bug at his first job in Gucci’s stock room (actually, at first, I thought he said “sock room”. I tried to imagine a room full of designer socks…)

Jerell interviews that his first job was at McDonalds – all the Big ‘n Tastys he could eat, and got bad skin from standing over the fryer.

Tim comes in and announces that their clients are here with their mothers!

Joe is making a suit for Laura. So, surprise! surprise! Laura and her mother hate the pinstripe fabric of Joe’s suit and think it’s boring. Where’s the sexy part? Oh, it’s all in the fit and tailoring. Oh.

Suede seriously doesn’t want to make pants, so he’s making his jacket. He thinks his jacket is going to be hot. I don’t know. It has ruffled sleeves made from the same fabric. A little flouncy for schlepping photography equipment around, no? Avital is skeptical. She doesn’t think it’s edgy enough. Mom thinks it’s boring. Maybe take some of that loud purple fabric to trim the sleeves? Suede is afraid that it might make it look cheap. This is suddenly a problem for you?

Kenley is making another “vintage” dress. Yawn. But Kenley and Anna are going on and on about how wonderful Kenley is.

Jerell: “Kenley can make one hell of a ’50s/’60s dress, but that’s all she serves up.”

Holly is a little iffy about Leanne’s design. Ellie is less reticent and starts bitching that the top is unflattering and will make little Holly look flatchested. Leanne is completely deflated and remarks that she has suffered a total set-back, timewise.

And just as suddenly, they’re gone.

Suede hasn’t yet cut his “Pucci-esque” fabric, and has decided that he is not going to make pants. Pants are just not part of Suede’s aesthetic. Please, PLEASE let me strangle him! Suede is going to make a dress. He’ll just have to sell it to the client, that’s all. This is really bad.

Kenley and Jerell start ragging on Joe about the suit he’s making. He tells them that can liven it up with a pocket square, which sets them off afresh.

Midnight has come and it’s time to go “home”. Jerell: “Come on, Joe! You can work on Nancy Reagan tomorrow!”

Next morning:

Tim comes into the workroom to tell the designers that their clients are here for fittings – without their mothers. Another collective sigh of relief reverberates through the land.

Suede somehow manages to convince Avital that this decidedly impractical dress is exactly what she needs. It will go from day to night. Come on.

Kenley: “I think Suede is a poser.” Takes one to know one, dear.

Now that Mom isn’t breathing down her neck, Holly really likes Leanne’s new-and-not-so-improved design. Laura appears to have come around to the pinstripe suit – complete with pocket square.

Tim calls out for a “gather ’round!” and several of the designers cringe. “Gather ’rounds” can lead to nasty surprises. But no, it’s only Jeannie Syphu, the lead stylist for Tresemmé. As part of the head-to-toe makeover, Jeannie is going to consult on the girls’ hair. This is, after all, the Tresemmé challenge. And, oh, by the way, the winning designer and “client” will get a Tresemmé ad in Elle Magazine!

Tim does a walkabout:

Suede: The pockets on the jacket aren’t on the same level, the sleeves aren’t even — as I always suspected — poor, unbalanced Suede…

Kenley: It’s a typical Kenley design. Tim asks Kenley if she didn’t think it would work better if she moved the six inches of tulle hanging out the bottom, up under the hem? Kenley rolls her eyes and later interviews that Tim just doesn’t get her and she’s not going to listen to anything he has to say. Maybe not today, Kenley. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon. I mean it.

Joe: Looks like a lawyer, not a graphic designer.

Runway:

Cynthia Rowley is the guest judge.

Kenley: wanted Anna to look fun and fresh and cute. Heidi: “You found a Mini-Me! She looks just like you!” MK: “It’s what you do, but in this case, it’s the right clothes and right style for the job you’re doing.” Oh, honestly. Like this is any kind of stretch for Kenley. She could have just opened her own closet.Joe: Laura likes it better without the jacket. Nina: Total cliché of what a work outfit should be. Me: What the hell is that sloppy, cheesy blouse doing there? It doesn’t fit, it’s poorly made, and put on a bra, willya?Korto: she looks current and her age (21). The jacket is very cool. Modern, young and professional. It really is very well made, although I’m personally not so sure about that dress under a lab coat.Leanne: Again, the dress is more charming without the jacket. I don’t know… this is not typical Leanne quality. I think she was thrown off by the banshee mother of Holly.Jerell: She’s into the androgynous thing. Looks really great, they say. Yo! Tresemmé! WTF is up with her hair? You call that a makeover? It looks worse than before you worked on her. Yeesh!Suede: Avital is a photographer – strong and artistic? Nina has a lot of problems with this outfit – “I will say no more.” Suede: “Ouch.” Yeah, you know Nina really really really hates something when she just won’t talk about it. I think she got worn out arguing with Santino a couple of seasons ago and just refuses to get sucked in.

Korto is in. The winner is: Jerrell. Again. He and Caitlin will be featured in a Tresemmé ad in Elle. MJ notes that whatever that crap is on his head makes him look like one of the Fruit of the Loom characters.

Kenley is in (dammit); Leanne is in.

Suede and Joe are on the bottom.

Joe: “You took a beautiful girl and aged her 25 years”; made a cliche. It was dated, overworked and completely impractical.

Joe interviews that when his daughter hears Heidi say Aufwiedersehn, she thinks it’s “outsy-daisy.” “Guess this is my outsy-daisy. I don’t think I deserved to leave. I think I’ve proven that you can truly follow your dream.” etc. A tear rolls down MJ’s cheek. Bye-bye, Straight Guy!

Jerell: “Second win in a row! That’s the cherry on the mother-f—-in’ cake!” Okay. But next week, d’you think you could use a color other than brown? I’m just asking.