And now a short break from beating up on politicians:

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Back soon with our regularly scheduled politician bashing!

Nature Calls

Open on our kids making their beds and getting ready for a brand new day. The last day for one of them. (Cue evil laugh).

Korto is brushing her teeth in the kitchen sink. Eww. She interviews that she’s 33 and the oldest in group. She’s got a husband and child and is grateful for a second chance to make her life what she wants it to be.

Leanne says to Kenley that she’s so glad that they’re finally down to the top 4. Kenley is ignoring her. Leanne interviews that, “Honestly, Kenley should have been eliminated awhile ago. She’s been disrespectful to all of us – she’s been downright rude.”

Kenley’s not speaking to Leanne. She thinks Leanne sabotaged her at runway, last week, and made her outfit look foolish. Personally, I don’t think she needed any help in that respect. “I’m not interested in even trying to pretend that I like her.” Why have I not noticed before that Kenley is wearing one of those feather – what does Miz Shoes call them? – “fascinators” things in her hair with a ponytail and tee-shirt?

Jerrell is the only guy left and has no one to talk to. He’s sitting on the floor with a Tim Gunn bobblehead, a syrup bottle an apple and a grapefruit, bidding farewell to Joe and Suede. As he walks out the door: “Later Joe… Later Suede… Don’t rot on the counter…”

Parson’s

Heidi appears on the runway for model elimination. Really – what’s the point? Korto, as last week’s winner, stays with Katerina. Sefara is out.

Tim is waiting in lobby to take them on a field trip.

Kenley whines that she had a hard time in the last challenge, so she’s hoping that this time it’s something that she actually does.

In the van, Tim asks the designers what they think the challenge will be. Korto says she thinks it will be “evening / wedding – something in that arena.” Jerell says that the twist will be that their client will be Hedda Lettuce.

New York Botanical Garden

They seem overwhelmed by the experience of actual fresh air and sunshine.

Leanne says: “Oh no, we’re going to have to make a dress out of flowers.” You know, I really loved that challenge from Season 2. That was creative!

But no, their challenge is to create an evening gown using nature as their muse. Yes, I guess it’s too late in the day to ask for anything actually fun. For us, I mean. This will be the traditional “Oh My God This Is The Last Cut So I’ll Disappoint The Judges With A Safe And Boring Long Dress That Has Nothing To Do With My Actual Personal Style Challenge”.

Kenley says that the place is huge and they’re surrounded by all these crazy, bright, vibrant colors all around, and that they all feel like they’re in The Wizard of Oz. We now know that fresh air and sunshine work like LSD on Kenley.

They see Collier Strong – consulting makeup artist of L’Oreal Paris. Tim says “Don’t be afraid.” Collier is there to officially announce that this is the “Oh My God This Is The Last Cut So I’ll Disappoint The Judges With A Safe And Boring Long Dress That Has Nothing To Do With My Actual Personal Style Challenge” – inspired by nature.

They each get a camera and they have an hour to wander around to find their inspiration.

Jerell takes inspiration from everything in life. He finds some old-fashioned roses in hues of pinks and reds and plums.

Leanne plays tag with the bees. They’re like her favorite credit card – everywhere she wants to be (be / bee – get it? Fine.) She finally runs across some lavender-colored flower that inspires her with its structure and layers.

Korto finds a “flamenco” flower. This area reminds her of her mother’s garden in Africa. “I’m gonna win this one for my mama.”

Kenley is in her element, surrounded by all the florals she could ever hope for. “This challenge is perfect for me.”

Back to Parsons

They have 30 minutes to choose one photo to be their inspiration and will get $250 to spend at Mood for this L’Oreal Paris Challenge.

Miss “I’ve got to throw some ugly-ass floral print into everything I make” Kenley chooses a purple coleus. A leaf. Go figure.

Mood

Kenley finds a fuschia snakeskin textured fabric to mimic the texture in the coleus leaf.

Tim asks Jerell pointedly about some horrible lemon/lime dayglow sequin-y fabric he had chosen. Jerell re-examines his choice. “There’s such a fine line between elegant and low-class.” Um, I don’t think the line is quite that fine, Jerell, and that shit’s fugly.

There’s a pile of black tulle on the counter with a ticket on it. Korto looks at it and asks no one in particular “Is this somebody’s stuff?” And then they all leave.

Back at Parsons – 6:00 p.m.

They will have until midnight tonight & all day tomorrow to work.

They all talk about their fabrics, their designs, their flowers, yada yada yada…

It’s now 11:10 on the old clock on the wall

Kenley – “Did I have another Mood bag?”

Jerell – “I think you only had one.”

“I’m missing my tulle. I’m going to kill myself.” Well, please be quick about it so we can just move along to the finals. Okay? And don’t make a mess in the workroom while you’re at it. The custodial staff gets very upset about that sort of thing.

“Well, I’ve got to move on, so I’m using drafting paper. I’m freaking out right now.” Everyone smiles at her discomfiture. So am I.

Jerell : “I do have tulle that I’m not going to use, but Kenley’s a one-trick pony and I’m not assisting her in any way. She threw her eyes on that tulle sitting on my table and it’s not gonna happen like that.”

Korto: “I’m probably not using mine, either. I can’t feel bad for Kenley. She’s rude to Heidi, she’s rude to Tim. When you have an ugly attitude it just makes you ugly, and it makes everything you make ugly. I don’t feel sorry for her.”

Jerell : “I can’t wait to see how this all pans out – I’m going to stay tuned.”

Hee.

Day Two

Jerell goes to the girls’ apartment and asks Korto if she’ll do his makeup, too. Kenley’s not in the mood to talk to any of the other designers. Nobody gives a shit.

Parsons

Kenley’s angry at herself and asks if Jerell’s tulle is for sale. He says no, his tulle’s not for sale – he thinks he’s going to use it to fill out his taffeta. Liar, liar, pants on fire! Korto shoots him a look and rolls her eyes.

Tim comes in and asks how they’re doing. Kenley tells Tim that she left her tulle at Mood and he tells her that if it’s on her receipt, he doesn’t want her to be handicapped and she can go back and get it later.

Tim sends in the models for fittings.

Collier Strong comes in to consult on makeup.

The cool kids are on one side of the room, chatting, and Kenley: “It’s just me on one side of the room and the other three designers on the other side… It’s been like that my whole life. I don’t know why.” Because you’re a loud, rude, obnoxious bitch. That’s why. Oh, was that a rhetorical question?

Kenley’s off to Mood to retrieve her tulle. She interviews that she was taught to be tough. Her father was a tugboat captain and she spent half her childhood on water, far away from land, where she could be as loud and obnoxious as she wanted to be (her words), and that it probably had some bearing on who she is today. Yeah. A loud, rude, obnoxious bitch. Have we not yet made the association?

“I’m not worried about people understanding me. I yam who I yam (said Popeye), and I want to go to Bryant Park. I deserve to be there… ‘cause my line will be the best.” Snickering.

Tim does his walkabout

Korto – “You have got to talk to me about that lace. It’s really sleek and 2008 in the front and Catherine the Great in the back.”

Kenley: “…looking more like fish scales than floral.” “Really? Cool. That’s what I’m going for. I’m feeling really great about this. I love it.” She was completely complimented when Tim says that it looks like fish scales.

Jerell – responds positively to the layers but it’s looking unfinished, but has the potential to blow everyone’s socks off.

Leanne – Looking very Hello Dolly.

“I’m so proud of all of you, so work, work, work.”

Morning of Runway Show

Everyone is stressed out and on more than the verge of tears. It’s all coming to an end and they’re starting to crack under the pressure.

Korto: “I just wish everyone the best from the bottom of my heart.”

Leanne: “I know. I wish everyone the best, too.”

Lying bitches.

Parsons

Tim: This is the last runway show… I’m sending in the models and you have one hour, etc.

Jerrel: “That suit is cut great, Tim.” “Thank you.” Suck-up.

What a surprise – Kenley doesn’t like anything that anyone else did. Stop the presses!

Ten minutes – “They’re still sewing and ironing in there…”

Leanne: “This is not going to be my best work.” Um, may I point out that this would be the wrong time to not bring out your best, people?

The Bravo Question

Would you have given Kenley your extra fabric?

A. Why? She’s a pain
B. Sure, it’s good karma

Guess which one wins.

Runway

Jerell’s roses:

Kenley’s coleus:
Korto’s flamenco flower:
Leanne’s lavender:

Judging

There are 4 left, but only 3 will earn the right to go to fashion week. The guest judge is Georgina Chapman, co-founder & designer of Marchesa. Oooo. Score!

Korto – flamenco flower. The shape is very flattering, well-made. MK thought it was pageant. Questioning the fabric choice. Doesn’t come off as sophisticated. Threw too much in there and went too far to impress us.

Leanne – inspired by lavender plant – wanted to recreate the structure of the lavender plant. Nina pleasantly surprised to see her working with something soft. Bustle was a problem.

Jerell – Heidi wanted to yank the top up. True – even his model is holding her arms very close to her sides to keep the top up. A little messy. MK – “It’s off in a way that intrigues me.”

Kenley – Doesn’t look very organic. Looks scaly and creepy. Doesn’t look young, cool, hip at all. MK said he wrote cliché. The petals don’t look elegant. “I wasn’t going for elegant, Heidi.” Heidi starts in on Kenley getting all defensive anytime she’s criticized, which of course, Kenley argues – defensively. Nina tells her that it’s true – when she gets all flippant and smug, they wonder “does she really give a damn?” MK: “You wouldn’t be standing here if we didn’t love what you do. We’re fans, we want it to be fabulous.”

Heidi then asks each of the designers why they should move up and which two of the remaining three should go with them.

Jerell: “This is my dream… I have a lot more to show… blah, blah, tears, choke, choke.” He then goes on to say that while Kenley is “an amazing designer”, the 50’s thing’s been done and he’s seen it all before. Kenley starts arguing with him and he tells her to shut the fuck up and wait her turn. Go Jerell! He continues that Korto, Leanne and he, Jerell, should advance to the tents in Bryant Park.

Leanne: “I’m not going to do a boring show.” Jerell and Korto are on the same level as her and should advance with her.

Korto: “I’m the oldest one here and I still have my dream.” Leanne and Jerell should go with her because of who they are as people.

Kenley: “Well now that I’ve been trashed – I take the most risks here.” “I feel like I’ve been fighting my way through life, so it’s force of habit.” She picks Leanne and Jerell. “I don’t think classic puts on a show and people want to see a show at Bryant park.” Did she just pick her nose on the runway?

Korto calls out Kenley in the waiting room: “I’ve got to say, Kenley, everytime you have to defend yourself, you’ve got to ‘dog out’ what I do.” “They forced me to.” “Nobody forced you to do nothing.” “Okay, I’m sorry!” “No you’re not. You’re not sorry. I didn’t ‘dog’ you out.” “Oh, really?” “No, I didn’t. I didn’t say one word about you.” “Look, I just went through what you went through times ten, okay? So don’t.” “Don’t what? I’m going to say what I have to say and I’m going to speak my mind.” Silence.

Judges

[The designers] are all scared so close to the end.

Leanne – softer Leanne. Really helped her. Definitely has a signature. MK thought the ruching and structure was sad and somber.

Jerell – most intriguing. Need to see polished show at Bryant Park, not a mess.

Korto – pageant and bridal. But she’s not afraid of color; it was every cliché of an evening dress.

Kenley – total loss of taste. Didn’t see the flirty florals. Aside from her designs, Kenley’s attitude is an issue – “…with an attitude like that, what is she going to do when a buyer says they don’t like that sleeve? Take out a knife and kill them?” Would it surprise you? Heidi says that she’s made interesting and outrageous things in the past, and she’s interested to see what she would show.

MK: “They’re all so distinct, and isn’t the most exciting fashion show for the finale, one that shows different points of view?”

The Verdict

“This was the closest runway show we’ve ever had to judge.”

Leanne and Jerell had the highest scores. Kenley and Korto the lowest. Jerell is the winner – just barely.(!)

Of course, the judges couldn’t decide on a loser so all 4 will create collections for Bryant Park, BUT still, only 3 of them will compete for the win. When they return to New York, one of them will be out – including possibly Jerell (!)

Tim: “Group hug, everybody.” Kenley sits there. “Kenley, let bygones by bygones.” Kenley sits there. She interviews: “I’m really happy that we’re getting a second chance to compete. But it’s a little annoying that the other 3 designers hate me. It just makes me want to win even more and beat these other designers to the ground.” Kenley, you have a call – it’s the U.N. on line 2.

Next week: Tim does looksees, everyone’s back in NY, and the final elimination! Whew! Don’t the producers know it’s Erev Yom Kippur?

****

As you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So while I have your attention, I’d like you to click on this graphic. The link will take you to The Breast Cancer Site, where by clicking on the pink button, you will help donate free mammograms for women in need. This is totally for real. It doesn’t cost you a penny. This is how it works: The Breast Cancer Site is sponsored by a number of different companies who donate free mammograms to indigent women based on the number of clicks on that little pink button. The sponsors gain exposure because you see their logos and might be interested enough to check them out. But you don’t have to. All you have to do is click and then go on your way.

During the month of October, if they get enough clicks to earn 500 mammograms, their premier sponsor, Bare Necessities, will donate an additional 200 mammograms. But it takes 45,000 clicks to earn one mammogram, people. So everyone’s help is needed. Your click will be counted only once a day, so please click every day. To help you out, there’s a link in my blogroll over there to the right, titled “Daily Click”. That link will take you to The Breast Cancer Site. While you’re there, you’ll notice other tabs at the top of the page where you can click to benefit childhood literacy, rainforest preservation, shelter animals, fight hunger, and more. All at no cost to you. You can click through every tab on the site in under 60 seconds. That’s all it takes. Unless you decide to shop. But that’s another post. Please click and help save lives. And tell your friends. Thank you.

Okay, I’m getting off my soapbox… for now.

I’m not sure how this happened, but we just had possibly the worst Indian meal we have ever eaten in a restaurant. The place is called Heelsha and it is located in North Miami Beach. Let me start over:

MJ and I had to be in NMB Thursday evening, and since we were in the neighborhood, we thought we’d finally try Heelsha. We’d heard so many wonderful things about it. Heelsha is owned and run by a husband and wife from Bangladesh, and indeed the restaurant is named after what could be called the national fish of Bangladesh. We’d read all the rave reviews on the web and in print. And while we never had the pleasure of eating at this couple’s previous restaurant, they were at the South Beach Food & Wine Festival a couple of years ago, and we thought their food was awesome. We were psyched!

Omen of things to come: The papadums arrived at the table stone-cold and undercooked. How can I describe it? Have you ever cooked a pappadum in the microwave? You know you have. You didn’t want to dirty a pan with cooking oil and you just wanted a couple, and anyway you avoid some fat by just sticking one on a paper plate and tossing it in the microwave. Right? You remember what it looked like: pale and kind of bumpy and a couple of hard raw spots on one side. Okay, it happens sometimes at home. But at a restaurant? A good restaurant? Not an auspicious beginning.

Then came the vegetable samosas – promisingly crispy on the outside. And then – thick, doughy, and bland. Followed by the potato-stuffed puri. A puri (sometimes “poori”), for the uninitiated, is a light, crispy, balloon of a bread. It is the lightest and most tender of all the Indian breads. I’ve seen sturdier breads stuffed – parathas, for example. And that works. So let’s stop and contemplate the wisdom of stuffing a puri for just a moment. What arrived at the table was a thick, leaden, greasy slab, any puff having been sliced open and spread with a thin layer of somewhat seasoned mashed potato and then smashed back together. MJ thought it tasted like a knish. I think that’s insulting the venerable knish.

Of course, it doesn’t end there. Next up was the saag paneer (spinach with fresh cheese) and the pumpkin vhuna, which is supposed to be roasted pumpkin sauteed with onion and green pepper. Here’s the weird part: aside from the fact that the pumpkin was cloyingly sweet and the spinach tasted like tea, both dishes appeared to be identically seasoned. And not in a good way, either. There were only a few actual chunks of pumpkin, so both dishes had nearly the identical texture, too. And even after the post-mortem (we took the leftovers home – not to eat – but to dissect them in good light), I still couldn’t tell what dry, woody stuff it was we kept biting into that was getting stuck in our teeth. Bits of dry coriander (cilantro) stems? Green (chili?) pepper seeds? It was nasty.

Needless to say, dessert and chai did not follow.

I really can’t explain it. Has Heelsha gone downhill since it won its “Best Indian Food In Miami” award from Miami New Times last year? Were they having a bad night? Was the third-string team doing the cooking? Maybe they just don’t like vegetarians? (I’m not vegetarian – I just play one on TV). I don’t think we’ll be back. It’s a long way to go for what could be another disappointment.

So, if you’re in the Miami, Florida area and looking for good Indian food, there are a number of very good choices. I’m just not sure that this is one of them.
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Hurry! There’s still time to get your Clicks in for The Breast Cancer Site’s June drive to total up 8 Million Clicks to get free mammograms for indigent women! There are only 2 more days, so please remind everyone you know to Click! And while you’re there, please click on the other tabs to help shelter animals, save some rainforest, feed the hungry, and more. It will only take a few seconds and a few clicks of your mouse.

Well, not literally – in fact she’s curled up next to me as we speak – but tomorrow all the bosses will be away at a seminar for 2 whole days. Yaaayyy! I’m hoping to clear away a whole bunch of crap, so when we go off to Sarasota on Saturday, I won’t have anything to think about or remember.

I very patiently explained to MJ that I don’t want to do anything, don’t want to plan anything, don’t want to sightsee or visit any museums or tourist spots. I just want to sleep, lay on the beach or by the pool and drink his very special Cosmos (I need to come up with a catchy name for these things – white peach cranberry juice, vodka, Grand Marnier and fresh lime juice. Mmmmm.) Okay – coffee in the morning, easing down into the Cosmos. Maybe a book, some cribbage, get together with The Shoes. But that’s it.

So why is he looking up stuff about the Ringling Museum, etc.? What part of “I don’t want to do anything” is being missed here? Why do we have to do anything? Hmmm? Frankly, the whole point of blowing off a third weekend in a row is to just Stop. Otherwise, why go to the effort of getting away?

I think the biggest challenge is going to be figuring out the bathing suit portion of our program. Fortunately, from what I understand, I don’t have to worry about being confronted with any of the “beautiful people”. Thank G-d. The last thing I want to do is suck in my stomach all weekend. I might give myself a pedi, though.

C’MON, YOU GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? CLICK! Time’s starting to run out to get those 8,000,000 Clicks on The Breast Cancer Site’s June challenge. Don’t wait – Do it now! And don’t forget to remind everyone you know to CLICK to get Free Mammograms for women who can’t afford them. It’s FREE to YOU and FREE to THEM — all you have to do is CLICK! The clock is ticking, so keep on clicking!