Which came first: the chicken or the egg? We attempt to answer these and other pressing questions (such as: What are these people thinking?!?), in this episode of “Project Runway: The Mommy Years”.

Morning has broken, like the first morning. Except that it isn’t. We see the designers steeling themselves for another day, another humiliation. Althea says that no one thought Ari would be the first to go, and that it woke them all up. I’m thinking night sweats. (She’s right. The old producers would have kept Ari – for awhile, anyway – and ditched Mitchell) They all realize that they can’t slack off on any challenge.

Mitchell is glad to still be there. (Skin of your teeth, Mitch. Skin of your teeth.) He’s glad someone else took the bullet and he’s ready to rekindle his dream. I’ve got the lighter fluid and a match right here.

At FIDM:

Heidi comes out onto the runway (she looks fabulous in that animal print!). This time, they will be creating a look for an “actual celebrity”! She’s a supermodel and a film and television star. She also has a big surprise.

Irina wonders if they’re designing for Heidi. (Be careful what you wish for, girl.)

Rebecca Romijn steps from behind the scrim and she is decidedly preggers!

Nicolas interviews, laughing in disbelief: “Oh, shit! Oh shit! It’s a pregnancy outfit challenge! I’ve never done a pregnancy outfit in my life!” (Nicolas is beginning to grow on me. I don’t know why. It can’t be his hair. Or is it?)

Rebecca is having twins! “So far, being pregnant is a wonderful, wonderful experience (having twins apparently not only forces you to say everything twice, but also makes you talk like Lawrence Welk – Google him. I can’t be bothered.), but finding fashionable clothing has been difficult.”

The challenge is to design a “pregnancy chic” look for Rebecca. The designers have an extraordinary amount of leeway: because she’s such a busy busy lady during her wunnerful wunnerful pregnancy, the outfit can be for any type of event: lunch, business event, party, whatev. Her only requirement is that it presents a beautiful silhouette, celebrating her shape. Pup tents leap to mind. No kidding. She’s freaking huge.

Workrooom:

Althea notices the pregnancy pillows laid out at everyone’s workstation. Epperson tries one on under his shirt. It’s not a bad look for him.

Christopher says that, even though he has immunity, he still wants to create something fabulous. He wants all the winning dresses on the workroom display mannequins to be his.

Irina (or it might have been Shirin – I’m still working on telling them apart on the fly) wants to know where the belly begins and ask Gordana, since she has kids. Come on, people! I realize rotund is not in your normal lexicon, but what do you do when you see a pregnant woman on the street? Avert your eyes? Because it’s a sign that she’s had sex? Obama won – we no longer live in the 18th century.

Gordana has been pregnant twice and believes that it’s important for a maternity outfit to highlight the woman’s arms and legs, so that’s what she’s going to do. When was the last time you heard someone complimenting a pregnant lady on her legs? Obviously, Gordana’s legs never swelled during her pregnancies.

Ra’mon thinks Rebecca looks like she’s “in her early second semester. Oops! Trimester.” When I think how close we came to Ra’mon having a scalpel in his hand and, like, cutting into somebody’s brain, I shudder a little.

Tim stops by with the details: The outfit must be beautiful and chic. Rebecca had only one specific criterion: it must be form-fitting. They have 30 minutes to sketch; $100 to shop at Mood; and the winner will have immunity.

Logan interviews that he never had a lot of pregnant women in his life. Hmmm. The jury’s out. He says that babies scare him.

Malvin says that he knows what the judges are looking for, now: Concept with construction that’s also fashion forward.

Ra’mon says that being in the top 3 last time, was amazing. He remembers that Nina told him that he must go further and not do the expected.

At Mood:

30 minutes to shop

Carol Hannah has made a maternity dress before – a maternity bridesmaid’s dress “and that’s a whole other can of worms you don’t want to open.” Okay, then.

Qristyl says that she is a little STRESSED! Because she’s FOCUSED! And she just wants to stay CENTERED! Tim: “Qristyl!” “WHAT?!?” “Deep breaths! Deep breaths!” “OKAY!”

Workroom:

Irina (or maybe it’s Shirin) says that there shouldn’t be that much of a gap between pregnancy clothes and regular clothes.

Althea wants to create a bodice with ribbons, keeping the bottom made of jersey for comfort.

Qristyl’s original plan changed.

Mitchell really likes what he’s got going on.

Louise is making a 20’s negligee-style cocktail dress. She’s hand-dying some lace for an appliqued top. I love that color.

Malvin (poor, deluded Malvin) is creating around the concept of fertility. Duh. No, wait. He’s thinking eggs and a bird’s nest. He’s calling his creation “The Mother Hen.”

Ra’mon keeps hearing Nina in his head, saying “Don’t play it safe!” I am so glad Ra’mon doesn’t have a scalpel in his hand.

Irina (ha! I think I’ve got them sorted now! No. Wait. Shirin?): is doing some “lattice smocking” at the “waist.” I’m not familiar with this, but it looks like a lot of handwork.

Althea loves Malvin’s idea. She’s egging him on. Get it?

Mitchell is making a t-shirt and a sweater, because he’s not taking any chances that you can see through it. No sirree, bob. He’s going to make sure that everyone’s boobs are completely covered from here on out. He’s going to make Young Republican clothes. Nothing suggestive here.

He’s also creating shorts. He doesn’t even care about winning this challenge – he just wants to be safe. Mitchell has made the most enormous pair of shorts I have ever seen in my life. (See “Crimes Against Fashion“) Louise and Shirin (Irina?) each put their whole bodies in a leg and launch into an Irish step-dancing routine.

Day 2 – Workroom:

Busy little bees, sewing, breaking zippers, breaking sewing machine needles, etc.

Tim comes in to do his walkabout:

He starts with Althea. Althea’s dress is a dark navy blue and is floor-length. Tim asks Althea where Rebecca is going in this dress, and she says it’s for a luncheon. Tim looks skeptical. “A very important luncheon.” “It had better be.” Tim tells her to give up on creating a scenario of that dress being “day.”

Louise is concerned hers is too nightgown-y. Tim tells her to listen to her viscera. Or maybe it’s just lunch.

Malvin explains his Mother Hen concept to Tim – that her belly is the egg and the ginormous sack (sac?)/sling-thingy is the nest. The black top underneath is trimmed with “feathers” he’s created out of the same silk organza fabric. Tim nods sagely and asks what’s going on the bottom. Jodhpurs. Malvin wants to make jodhpurs to make her thighs look bigger and further the Concept. They’re to look like chicken thighs. I swear to all I hold dear. Freaking CHICKEN THIGHS. Tim absolutely forbids him to do that: “Why would a woman want her thighs to look bigger? I don’t think you want to explain “chicken thighs” on the Runway. Don’t go into costume-land. It’s interesting – I’m definitely not bored.”

Ra’mon tells Tim that he’s been channeling Nina. Tim says, “Don’t be safe, without being cuckoo. We’ve already had cuckoo happen.” “With me?” “No, not with you.” I haven’t figured out if this is a not-so-veiled reference to the late, lamented Ari, or to what he just left after seeing Malvin.

Malvin interviews that he isn’t intimidated. Fashion is about taking risks. Fine. I’m fairly certain, however, that it’s not about making women look like poultry.

Mitchell tells Ra’mon that his dress looks like a bowling ball. (No, it doesn’t. It looks like a bowling ball bag.) Ra’mon is mortified and has to leave the room. Mitchell follows him and says it looks a lot better from the other room. “Yeah,” says Ra’mon, “but they’re not going to be this far away.”

The models come in for their fittings. Ooo, aaaah. Yada yada yada.

Johnny is teaching his model to walk. “You didn’t know that I’m a runway coach, too!” I’m not sure if he was kidding. Whatever. If he doesn’t make it here, he can always get a job at America’s Next Top Model.

Johnny is making a 1972 white floral jacket. He, himself, actually calls it “kind of Easter Sunday.” Saves me the trouble.

Qristyl said Rebecca Romijn wouldn’t wear Johnny’s jacket. She wouldn’t even dust with that jacket. She follows with a giggled “That’s so mean.”

Nicolas doesn’t think Rebecca Romijn would wear any of it, anywhere. Including yours, I’m pretty sure.

Runway Day:

Mitchell: “I don’t know what ahead this day lies.” Direct quote. Hand to God.

Malvin is having doubts. He thinks he needs to make his egg nest more literal. More literal?!? Does he smoke crack with his morning coffee?

Althea is antsy to get back to the workroom to make her look “runway-ready.”

Mitchell is worried about finishing his shorts. Less said about that, the better.

Workroom:

Ra’mon says that there are only two styles of design there: On the right side of the room: “drapey drapey sophisticated”; on the left, “structured tailored.” “Am I really the frontrunner?” Um, No. He sees Logan banging on something and says: “What are you? Stella, working on your leatha?” Oh. So he has actually watched this show before. One sometimes wonders.

Tim comes in and announces that they have two hours for final fittings, hair and makeup.

Althea’s model puts on the dress and oops! The cups are smaller than she thought they would be. There’s a whole lotta chest hanging out, there. Walk carefully, my child.

Qristyl broke the needle on her machine.

Malvin is anxious to see his look on the runway. He thinks the other designers all have something to say, but they haven’t found it yet. “They haven’t cracked the egg.” Direct quote. I swear.

Mitchell is just happy his model will have clothes on. As well he should be.

Christopher thinks he’s going to have another top spot, but doesn’t care because he’s got immunity. No comment.

Runway:

Judges: Michael Kors is absent. In his place is Monique Lhuillier, a top fashion designer. Nina Garcia. Rebecca Romijn. All of them have been pregnant and know what they’re talking about, says Heidi.

There is a runway show. No, I’m not going to show you all 15 of them, but here are some highlights. And lowlights.

Shirin Althea

Ra’mon Mitchell

Louise Malvin

Louise, Mitchell, Althea, Malvin, Shirin, and Ra’mon are called out. Everyone else is safe.

These are the best and worst; one will be the winner and one will be out. The models come out.

Judging:

Ra’mon: The construction is sloppy. The lighter-colored insets are like arrows pointing “here is the baby.”

Louise: Everyone likes it. The tiered construction accommodates the different stages of pregnancy.

Althea: Entirely appropriate for evening. (Way to keep your mouth shut, Al) Although the cups should be more covered but everyone loves it.

Malvin: The embracing cocoon sling is disturbing. He admits that he “may have been too attached to [the] concept.”

Mitchell: The shirt’s too tight, the shorts are too short. The model is a mess. It was a good idea, but the execution didn’t work out.

Shirin: The focus is on comfort. Monique says that there are no bad angles to this dress; Heidi’s impressed; Nina thinks that it is versatile and has many nice details. They think Shirin should go into designing maternity-wear. A high compliment. I think.

Discussion:

Ra’mon’s looked like a bowling ball bag. (Ha! See? I told you!)

Mitchell: If the shorts were well-done they might all wear it to the mall. Heidi thinks they looked like she sewed them herself, and she can’t sew. Apparently, neither can Mitchell.

Malvin had the egg, the chicken, the feathers the whole bird thing covered. “But at least he had a concept,” said Monique. “Oh, yes” – they all chimed in – “there was a concept!” And how did we define “conceptual design” last week, boys and girls?

Shirin: The waistline on the dress was beautiful and the coat was beautiful. Hers is the most wearable.

Althea: They loved the shape. It was slimming and elegant. Monique thought her color choice was excellent. (Way to go, Althea!)

Louise: Rebecca would wear it on a date with her husband. They’re calling it “walk-around lingerie.” It was obvious that Louise thought about it and it was well-executed..

Judgment:

Louise is in.

The winner is: Shirin! The outfit is elegant, beautifully executed and they’d all wear it – pregnant or not. Shirin feels pretty good. As well she should.

Althea is in, Ra’mon is in.

Mitchell & Malvin are our bottom two.

Heidi told Malvin that his design was not flattering – that it was complicated, not in a good way. Mitchell’s was sloppy and there’s no excuse for poor skills.

Malvin is out. Mitchell just squeaked by. He’s told that he needs to up his game and show them he deserves to be there.

In the Kiss ‘n Kry, Malvin says that he is “too conceptual for America,” and that the best thing he got out of this experience is that he is more grounded as a philosopher, as a designer, and as a person.

Go clean up your space. Bye.

Not that I’ll miss him, or anything, but the production direction seems to have changed. The old producers would have kept Malvin for awhile longer, too. Don’t you think?

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com