I just want to begin by saying that I am a virgin to this season of Project Runway. I know the whole damn season – including Fashion Week, etc. – has been in the can for months. For me, that knowledge takes away a little of the spontaneous nature of watching the show, even though I know that the end results are no doubt guarded more jealously than a meerkat guards her kittens(?). Yes, I watch Animal Planet sometimes, too.

However, that is all I know. I have stayed away from all of my favorite blogs and websites that talk about Project Runway. Okay, I checked in with Blogging Project Runway from time to time, just to see if there was any news about when Season 6 would air, and which network would have it. I haven’t read any of the designers’ bios, looked at their videos, or read any of their interviews. I didn’t even know any of their names. I wanted to approach this season the same way I approach every season – with a completely empty mind. Um, wait. That didn’t come out quite right. In any event, forgive me if I don’t cover everyone properly, this early in the season. There are just too damn many of them!

And so, we begin as always with the arrival of the brand new kids in a brand new city, Los Angeles:

Ra’mon, age 30. Ra’mon, started life as a budding neurosurgeon. WTF?!? A what?!? I’m sure you made your parents proud when you switched to this particular horse in mid-stream. “Mom. Dad. I’ve come to an important decision. I don’t want to be a neurosurgeon anymore.” “That’s alright, son, what would you rather be? A heart surgeon?” “Um, no.” “A general surgeon?” “Um, no. I want to be a fashion designer.” Cut to the shot of his mother, dead on the floor, and his father crying out: “Who’s going to pay off all those fucking student loans?!?” So, now I have to wonder about Ra’mon’s thought processes and judgment, and whether or not he’s going to change his name before I get a carpal tunnel relapse. No, Ra’mon will have to go soon, and I’m sure that, as a medical professional, he will understand completely.

Logan, age 25. He says that he is a strong pattern-maker. Logan’s adorable. At this stage of the game, that’s about all I can say about him.

Johnny: Johnny tried out 3 times for PR, but he knows why he was rejected. Johnny had a little drug problem. He was a crystal meth addict. Nice. Now we know where at least some of the angst and drama this season will come from. And the betting pool is now open. How many episodes will Johnny last before dissolving into a puddle of goo and the producers have to have him carted away in a bucket?

Next is Gordana. Gordana is originally from the country formerly known as Yugoslavia. “Give me a sheep, I’ll give you a sweater.” Heeheehee… I like Gordana. God, I hope she can design like her personality! I am definitely going to follow Gordana on Twitter.

Malvin is a skinny little guy with fluffy hair. He says that his style is “androgynous.” He doesn’t believe in excluding anyone. I may be wrong, but I predict a series of form-fitting skinny “looks” that no one but a plywood plank can wear. Anyone who says their design style is androgynous is a closet misogynist.

Carol Hannah says her style is “Pixie Meets Cocktail Party.” She says that she is mistakenly typecast as “Just another blonde from the South” with nothing between her ears. She then promptly forgets what she was about to say and giggles. Oh, lord.

Qristyl (another name I have to practice typing) is big and brash and all that and a side of fries. She doesn’t design plus size – she designs plus sexy. I’m following Qristyl on Twitter, too. Oh, come on! How can I not?

Shirin says her name means “sweet” in Farsi. Remains to be seen if her personality bears that out.

Nicolas says his friends call him “the Feather Prince.” Do they? If those are his friends, what do his enemies call him? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Hehehehehe! Nicolas says that his designs include a lot of chiffon, lace, feathers, and champagne. Is that to get the buyers drunk before one of his shows?

Mitchell. I don’t remember a damn thing about Mitchell. Except his hair.

Epperson is 49 years old and has a family back home. Oddly, he strikes me as the most “normal” of the bunch. Epperson came from dressing windows to dressing women.

Christopher is from Minnesota and is self-taught. He couldn’t afford to go to college or design school. Christopher seems pretty normal, too. Wonder how long that will last.

Next we meet Ari Fish. Ari’s name is misspelled. It should be Air. Middle name, Head. Ari doesn’t design like everyone else. She’s all like “Hello fabric, what would you like me to turn you into today?” Says something about wanting to make clothing that have water reclamation systems built-in. I think. MJ (the hubs who gets all the really good snarky lines): “She’s really a Fremen and wants to make stillsuits.” This is a Dune reference. You get used to it.

Next we meet Louise, who is from Texas and is inspired by vintage. Familiar black hair, cut in a bob. She seems nicer than Kenley.

And here is Irina, who I didn’t catch anything about, at all

We learn that Althea is from my hometown, Dayton Ohio! Yoo hoo! Twitter! Althea, follow me!

It’s time to go up to the roof for a champagne toast and to meet Tim and Heidi.

You know, I just noticed that they’re in freaking Los Angeles! Their new workspace is in FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising), Los Angeles.

Tim tells them to rest up, that early the next morning, they will meet at an undisclosed location. I’m thinking Dick Cheney’s West Coast bunker.

The next morning, all the designers meet Tim at the Nokia Theater. The red carpet is laid out for an event, and the designers are told that their challenge will be to create a “red carpet look” for an event of their choosing, incorporating true innovation and their personal style.

Back at the workroom, the designers are assigned models and given their measurements on a card. (I smell trouble) They have 30 minutes to sketch, a budget of $200, and 30 minutes to shop at whatever this season’s version of Mood is.

Malvin says that he will make something that will make the person he designs for feel treasured.

Ari doesn’t sketch and spends her half hour being goofy and standing on her head.

At the fabric store, everyone is running around. Qristyl tells Tim that she can’t find anyone to cut her fabric and asks if she can cut it herself. He says yes, so she rips it right off the bolt. I really like Qristyl.

Back at the workroom, Tim tells the designers that they have until midnight and all of the next day to work. He repeats that innovation is the key to this challenge.

Johnny has changed his design four times and is feeling stressed and lost. He says that he is almost to the point where he wants to throw in the towel. He seems to be giving everyone a turn to be his crying towel.

Everyone’s sewing away and Johnny is beginning to turn into aforesaid bucket of goo. Boy. I didn’t expect the implosion to happen that fast! Johnny tells Tim that he feels too much pressure. “I just don’t want to fail again; I feel emotionally obliterated.” Tim tells him that he can do it. Make it work. That does the trick. Johnny returns to the workroom and announces: “Tim’s a god, I just want everyone to know.” I want to tuck Tim in my purse.

Malvin says, “My clothes are ineffable.” From Webster’s: “ineffable: 1 a : incapable of being expressed in words : indescribable <ineffable joy> b : unspeakable <ineffable disgust> 2 : not to be uttered : taboo ineffable name of Jehovah>” Okay, so what we have here is an adjective without a noun. And we have choices.

Morning 2:

Johnny wakes up with new attitude.

Gordana says that she wishes she could have gone to design school. Christopher says that he’s never even heard of half the design terms these people use.

Tim does his walkabout, checking in on their progress. He tells Ari, regarding the quilted silver hexagons she’s sewn together, “I’m afraid this is going to look like a halter diaper.”

Qristyl asks Tim if her look is dramatic. When he says that it definitely is, she asks, “Is this dramatic in a good way? You’re hesitating too long.” After more hesitation, Tim: “I want you to answer that question yourself.”

The models came in for their fittings – Mitchell’s model doesn’t match her written measurements. He has to take it completely apart.

They will have till midnight to finish.

Morning 3:

They have two hours for hair and makeup and there is now a Macy’s accessory wall.

Mitchell only has some sheer fabric left and some of the smocked bits from the neck of his previous dress. He’s going to be sending a naked model down the runway.

Ari has taken over the styling of her model’s hair and is teasing it into a wild mess. “I’m trying not to damage your hair,” she says to her model. Too late.

Tim returns and shepherds the designers and models to the runway.

Runway:

Heidi tells them that “There are 16 of you now, and soon there will be 15.” I’ve noticed that Heidi becomes more and more sensitive with every passing season.

Our judges are Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, who is now fashion editor of Marie Claire. The guest judge this week is Lindsay Lohan??? Designer of her own line? Really?

There is a fashion show and 16 models walk down the runway. Ten of them are in and safe to design another day.

These six have the highest & lowest scores:

Qristyl: It has a sexy silhouette, the back is beautiful, but the front is a mess. MK tells Qristyl that the woman wearing that dress is going to get killed by the tabloids.

Christopher’s is cute and edgy.

Ra’mon’s is chic, well-made but respectable. Safe.

Ari tells the judges that her client is going to the VMA awards and then to pick up her Nobel Peace Prize, right after. MK says that the model looks like a disco soccer ball. Nina – a bit more tactfully, says that, although she gets that Ari’s is a “conceptual” design, it’s “a little out there.” Seriously, I wasn’t going to show you this, but I can’t not show you:

Ari’s Red Carpet Look*

“Conceptual.” Code word for random crap that has nothing to do with the theme.

Johnny: She looks like a 1920’s starlet: seductive but not overly sexy.

Mitchell: MK tells him that his client would be at home in front of a fireplace with a snifter of brandy, but can’t leave the house. No one can see it on the red carpet.

Johnny is in.

Christopher is the winner! Nice balance of edgy and pretty; he has immunity for next challenge.

Ra’mon is in. Qristyl is in.

Ari and Mitchell are the bottom two. Heidi tells Ari that “it’s one thing to aim outside the box, but another to miss the box entirely.”

Mitchell is in, Ari is auf’ed.

Ari interviews that someone’s got to be first. And then she mumbles something else, I lose interest, and that’s that.

Here is Christopher’s winning design*:

Anyone want to start up the old Kenley/Alexander McQueen/(Bjork) Pejorska controversy? Just for fun? Cowards.

Realistically, I’ve gotta tell ya that 16 is waaayyy too many designers to start with. I can’t help but suspect that the production company is padding the cast in case Johnny turns to goo or they have to boot someone else for cheating, as in seasons past. I smell double eliminations to come.

*Photos are from ProjectRunway.com