Flamingo Musings » humor

Mathematics For Daily Life

RJ Flamingo — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:55:00 +0000

As we prepare for the work week ahead, and the kids get ready to go back to school, I thought I’d share something a friend sent me in an e-mail. I didn’t write it, but I thought it profound enough to share with all of you.

Mathematics For Daily Life

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Just wanted to send you off in the proper frame of mind – Have A Great Week!

The Vice Presidential Debate – SNL Style

admin — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:04:00 +0000

Maybe it’s a function of age, but I never watch Saturday Night Live anymore. When I was in college, it was new, fresh, and even if the odd sketch fell flat from time to time, overall it was cutting edge humor. I just don’t think it’s funny anymore.

Over the years, though, there’s one aspect you could always count on to be funny, brutal, and on-point: SNL’s political humor. So during political season, we make a point of watching SNL – at least the opening sketch. The show usually goes over a cliff after that. That being said, if you missed it on TV, you absolutely have to watch their version of last Thursday’s Vice Presidential Debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. This is SNL at its very best and destined to be a classic. It’s about 11 or 12 minutes long, so grab a cuppa “Joe” and enjoy!

http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/48e90c9ecf216c64/4741e3c5156499a7/8093f89b/-cpid/9b352bc621baa7ed

P.S. – Tina Fey should get a freaking Emmy for this. If they give them out for stuff like this.

–>

Meet The Cow

admin — Tue, 20 May 2008 21:45:00 +0000

No, really. Meet my new friend, Soma Cow. “Soma Cow” is an internet “radio” show (on Sundays from 2:00 – 5:00 p.m.) after my own heart — funny, offensive, irreverent and smart. Emphasis on the smart.

Some of you remember my old haunt, Pandemonium – later The Pandemonium Midnight Uprising (moved to Wednesday nights at midnight because we offended more people than we were aware were actually listening to us!), a radio show on WLRN Public Radio, here in Miami. Pandemonium was an ensemble production that I had the pleasure to be a part of some twenty-something years ago. Our unofficial motto was “If we haven’t offended at least one person out there, we haven’t done our jobs.” There. You’ve now learned another deep, dark secret from my checkered past. Anyway, I’ve really missed that style of social commentary. And now, we’ve found it again in Soma Cow.

There’s live participation through the phone, chat, and if you miss the live show, you can catch the podcast or just read it online. And they can swear! That’s something we couldn’t have gotten away with… ‘Cause it’s the freaking INTERNET!!!

Of course, I am probably more amused than I should be that Soma Cow is based out of Central Florida. It’s nice to know that there are other folks out there who forgot their hats in the Florida Sunshine and became a bit ‘tetched!