Some conversations I prefer to have in public – like on the train going to and from work – because I’d really rather not have them at all:

“I don’t have time to talk right now. Some of the girls are picking me up to go to the Hard Rock Casino.”

“That’s okay, Mom. I won’t keep you long.”

“What made you remember to call? I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to call you until you called.”

“Well, honestly? I didn’t want to call you. I had a really lousy week. I didn’t want to tell you that my house was robbed, last week.”

“What? Did you leave a door open? Did you leave the windows open? You like to leave the windows open when it’s cold outside. You always tell me it’s a safe neighborhood. So, it’s not so safe?”

“No, I didn’t leave anything open. It’s freaking 90 degrees outside – why would I open a window?!?”

“Well, you like to leave everything open. It’s safe, you said.”

“They broke a window to get in, Mom.”

“They took everything, didn’t they? The jewelry? Mike’s grandma’s jewelry? Your diamond necklace? The bracelet I gave you?”

“Almost everything, Mom.”

“MJ wanted to put in an alarm and you said it’s safe, so you didn’t need it, you said.”

“That was seven years ago.”

“What about the insurance?”

“They want proof of value on those things that I can’t give them, because most of it was gifts, and what wasn’t a gift, well, who keeps receipts from 15 and 20 years ago. We’re screwed.”

“It’s like when they broke into my car. I wanted to have the locks on the car changed, but didn’t. The insurance sent me a letter that they closed the file, but I went to the dealer to get another key with a clicker, and do you know how much they wanted? $430.00! So I gave it to your brother and he said he would try to get the insurance to cover it.”

“No, it’s not like that, at all.”

“So. Are you on the train, yet? I have to go. Have a nice day.”

“Thanks. You, too. Bye.”

Click.