About six or seven years ago, MJ used to be awe-struck by adult people on inline skates. “Hey! He’s around my age! If he can do it, why can’t I?” So for the holidays that year, I got him (and me) inline skates, pads, helmet – the works. And you know what? Neither one of us could stay vertical for more than, oh, I don’t know, 60 seconds at a time. Size 14 inline skates apparently being very difficult to find, I did manage to make a profit on them on eBay.

High heels.

Can’t wear ‘em. Oh, well, not strictly true. I can put them on my feet. I can stand up and remain vertical for, oh, I don’t know, 60 seconds at a time.

I watch other women on Flagler Street walking in them and wonder how they do it. Then I realize that no, they can’t either. They’re all leaning forward, ankles wobbling a bit. And I think to myself, “Geez, the shoes are cute, but why would you wear something you can’t walk in upright?”

What brought this on? Well, MJ made some tea and an English cheddar cheese plate, and put on an Eddie Izzard show that he recorded awhile back. I am in awe of Eddie Izzard. Not because he’s an actually intelligent and apparently well-educated comedian – which he is – but because of his shoes. They’ve got to be six-inch spike heeled, pointy toe boots. They’re really cute.

No, I have not been able to take my eyes off of his feet. And I can’t help saying out loud, “Dammit! If he can wear those things, why can’t I?“