Why is it that no one can agree on the proper boiling of an egg? I know. You think I’m kidding. You think I’m grasping for a topic to write about, don’t you? Well, maybe Guilty on Count 2, but I’m really not kidding.

Too many people think you can just plop an egg into a pot of water, boil it to death, and then wail because the whites are the consistency of overenthusiastic breast implants and the yolks are wearing army-issue olive drab coats. From World War I.

Others make the boiling of an egg sound like it’s culinary alchemy – an arcane set of spells and enchantments to master. Only achievable when the Harvest Moon is in the 16th hour of waning. Or is that, waxing?

I bring this up now, because the Jewish holiday of Passover begins the evening of April 18th. For most of us of Ashkenazic European descent (I confess ignorance of Sephardic traditions), the Seder dinner will commence with eating a hardcooked egg in salt water. And from what I’ve seen over the years, many people (including my own mother) can’t boil an egg to save their lives. And they don’t care. It’s a throwaway. A necessary tradition to get through and then get on with the real meal. Okay, maybe that’s a touch harsh. But only a touch.

You know what you really need to hard boil an egg perfectly every time? A kitchen timer and some ice. Oh, and the eggs, of course.

So now, a Primer on the Perfect Hard Boiled Egg:

First rule: This is one case when you don’t want the absolutely freshest ingredients. Buy the eggs ahead of time, and let them sit in the fridge for at least a few days before cooking them.

Place the raw eggs in a saucepan in a single layer. Preferably with a bit of room to move around. Add cool tap water to the pan to just cover the eggs, followed by a hefty pinch of salt. Place the pan on an appropriately-sized burner and turn the heat to high.

Immediately set a kitchen timer to 18 minutes.

When the eggs have just a couple of minutes left on the timer, fill a large measuring cup or a bowl with ice and set it next to the sink.

Immediately at the 18 minute mark (do not pass Go, do not collect $200), remove the pan from the heat and drain. Shake the eggs around in the pan a bit so that they crack, and dump the ice on top of them, then fill the pan with cool tap water.

Allow to sit for only a couple of minutes before peeling under the cool water in the pan. You’ll find that they’ll peel more easily (and pretty) when they’re still warm, than if you wait until they’re completely cold.

Note that you cook them the same way and for the same amount of time no matter the quantity. The time and rules remain the same, whether you’re cooking two eggs or a dozen.

See? Perfectly hard boiled egg: Bright, fluffy yellow yolk, no green ring, and the white is tender enough to cut with a fork.

Now you’re ready for the first course. Or deviled eggs. Or tuna salad (that’s what I’m making in this photo). Or any other application. Rubber eggs, begone!