We interrupt the travelogue that hasn’t yet begun, to accommodate the pêche and his warped concept of a contest worthy of the #IACPPP (that is, the International Association of Culinary Professionals Pity Party… I think). This is for a prize, y’all. We don’t even know what the prize is, and yet, we are willing to humble ourselves and reveal our darkest secrets. For a prize. Yes, we are pathetic. And just when did I adopt this royal “we” thing, anyway? But I digress…

Once upon a time, many, many, many years ago, I lived in a then-modest city in southwest Ohio. It was just large enough that, sure, we had plenty of grocery stores, but just small enough that it was a short drive to the “country” and actual farms.

Very early one morning – oh, around o’dark-thirty – when I was just a wee, impressionable five year old, my dad woke up with the idea of going out to the “country” to an actual farm to buy some chickens.

His grand plan was to go buy the chickens, come back home, pick me up to take me to school, then to go have the chickens killed and dressed at our friendly neighborhood kosher butcher. Of course, he didn’t think to inform me or my mother, for that matter, that he was going to do this. It was a surprise.

Along about the time that I needed to leave for school, Dad pulled up in front of the house and called me out to get in the car. I didn’t realize that there were burlap bags and old wooden crates filled with LIVE chickens in the back seat until it was too late.

We were half-way to school, when the soft clucking turned, first into panicked screeching, then into a full-scale poultry riot. One of the chickens had worked its way loose from a burlap bag, releasing a couple of the others, as well, and flapped wildly to the back of the bench seat in Dad’s old 1956 Buick Special, pulling at my hair, and shrieking at me what I could only interpret as chicken-speak for “I’m not going that easy, kid! You’ll not have ME for supper!” while the others flapped and “flew” around the back seat, hurling themselves at the windows in attempted escape, and echoing her sentiment at the tops of their lungs.



And so, I didn’t. I was so traumatized by the experience, that I refused to eat chicken in any way, shape, or form, in my own home, for a solid year and a half, until I was 100% sure that all of the chickens that I had shared the car with on that Hitchcockian ride to school, were gone.

To this day, I can’t even conceive of eating anyone (anything?) that I’ve known personally – even peripherally. Look at that face. ->Shiver<-

* All chicken photos in this post are used with permission of Beth Compton Ayotte of You Know What You Oughta Do Thanks, Bethie!

Yeah, you heard right: Tempura-Style Fish & Chips.

Chris and Elle decided that this edition of #GoJunkFood should showcase Fish and Chips. Um, okay. You guys know that I don’t like fish, right? Tuna from a can and the occasional Mrs. Paul’s fish stick, notwithstanding. But I have eaten the odd Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips meal once in a great while, and admit that I enjoyed them.

So, what am I doing here? I can cook fish like nobody’s business. Just ask my husband. M can’t figure it out: “I don’t get it – this is so good and you won’t even taste it!” In fact, I made him buy the fish. And I thought I’d do something a little different than the heavily battered English-style and – to paraphrase The Vapors – I thought I’d turn it Japanese.

With a rice flour batter and sliced sweet potatoes, I made a not-so-traditional Asian-ish version of Fish and Chips, suitable even for those with gluten-free diet requirements:

Tempura-Style Fish & Chips
(serves 2 – can be doubled)

Ingredients:

2 medium sweet potatoes (about 1 lb. total)
1-1/2 cups rice flour
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. wasabi powder
1-1/4 cups seltzer or “fizzy” mineral water
2 5 oz. cod or other firm white fish fillets
enough peanut or canola oil to deep-fry preferably in a wok or (wok-shaped pan)

Peel the sweet potatoes and slice them into rounds about 1/4″ thick. Put the slices in a pot of boiling salted water and cook for 2 minutes. Drain immediately and run cold water over them to stop the cooking, and allow to drain again.

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients to combine thoroughly. Slowly whisk in the seltzer (it should foam up a bit, briefly) till the batter comes together. It should be a bit thinner than pancake batter.

Heat the oil in the wok or deep pan, until a drop of batter sizzles when it hits the oil. Slide several of the sweet potato slices into the batter to coat well and slip gently into the hot oil. You can cook about 6 or 7 slices at a time. Fry for about 2 minutes and turn them over with a slotted spoon or spider (you know, that long-handled thing with the wire basket end? that you didn’t know what to do with? yeah, that thing.). Drain on paper towels and remove to a rack and place in the oven, set to warm, while cooking the fish.

When all of the sweet potato slices have been fried, repeat the batter and fry procedure with your fish fillets. They should cook for about 6-7 minutes or till golden brown, turning them over about half-way through.

Mix up a quick little dipping sauce with 1/2 cup soy sauce (or shoyu), 1/4 tsp. minced ginger, 1/4 tsp. wasabi powder, and 1/4 cup honey, all whisked together in a small bowl (or even the measuring cup!).

And speaking of Asian-style, wait till you see what’s in store next month for #GoJunkFood!

Okay, this is pretty funny. I must have posted this photo here, instead of my Twitter feed, but that’s okay. I’ll just tell you about it.

This is Eleanor Hoh. Eleanor is known on blog and Twitter and around town as the WokStar. For very good reason, I might add. She’s one of the Miami food bloggers who actually cooks. Eleanor enjoys teaching people about wok cooking, and taking the mystery out of doing it successfully, much as I enjoy getting in the kitchen and trying new recipes, new challenges, and telling you guys all about it.

I just recently connected with Eleanor on Twitter (we exchanged pancake recipes, I think), so when she tweeted this afternoon that she was going to be teaching a free class in my end of town, I lost no time in calling MJ and asking if he wanted to come with me.

When we arrived at the Whole Foods in Pinecrest, Eleanor was just completing her set-up. She greeted us warmly and I gave her some of my Grand Marnier Blueberry Peach Sauce and Blueberry Mojito Jam.

It was a nice, small group (about 20 or so). We had a great time and learned a lot about stir-frying and why we failed at it so miserably in the past. As I get more into Asian cooking in the near future, I hope to share some of that technique with you, too. Till then, visit Eleanor’s blog for the real deal, and see how a real WokStar does it!

It was a pleasure to meet you, Eleanor – hope you enjoy the jam!